Thursday, May 31, 2012

Love Is In The Air....

I am in a quandary......
I keep making notes and starting posts on things I want to share and then I get side tracked and don't finish.  What is a girl to do?
I think instead of entertaining that feeling of being chased by the cue ball to finish.......I should write down my most recent thoughts and then back track later on.

So what are the most recent thoughts rolling around in my head? Get ready because they are about to come from all directions. This post will be the first installment of sharing it all.

#1 I think I love my husband.
Isn't that random? Let me explain. I have always loved him actually. But as can often happen with raising a family, connecting on mutual grounds in between the demands of daily life, family, work, school and other responsibilities; well it can be hard to find that common ground. Communication skills become a vital necessity that is all too easily over looked. Then one day you look at one another and realize you are living with a stranger.

Those things that were once cute or easy to ignore are now huge annoyances that feel as large as the Berlin Wall. The way he says he will clean up the carport and then time goes by on the forgotten job or the way she insists on that hated broccoli as a dinner vegetable. They aren't deal breakers on their own to say the least. But they get under your skin over time and seem to develop camp fires of their own.

We had both felt it time and again and ventured to discuss the 'elephant in the middle of the room' a few times but let's face it....conflict is never easy. It seems so much more comfortable to ignore it and pretend everything is fine. As if problems would get bored like a fly and simply buzz off.

And seeking help.....well that is a huge can of worms! To get help you have to first both admit that there are things that need fixing. Then that help has a strong possibility of looking like pride, shame, ridicule and condemnation. That is certainly no fun at all.

However, recently we started a marriage seminar with a group of friends and we are having a blast. The seminar is called Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage. It actually celebrates our differences and poses the idea that everyone and every marriage has problems to work through. Shocking I know!  Instead of going through a private black list of all the ways we have become defective together; we get to laugh and have fun recognizing both our differences and strengths. It ends up feeling much like the belly aching fun of a Bill Cosby comedy show.

Already we are both feeling relaxed and united in ways we have sorely missed for way too long. We are finding fun in the mutual territory of communication and our homework discussions are a platform of open honesty. I have to be completely transparent here and say this is the first time we have been able to talk about things without getting defensive. Our conversations have been eye opening but as we look at one another we are both embracing the honor and maturity of being able to say, "I never realized that. Thank you so much for explaining that to me."

Last night as we talked out a section of homework on marital stereotypes, my husband said the most amazing thing to me that made me break and cry. He said that typically guys at his work will stand around and say things about their wives and it is almost something of a complaining competition titled Which Guy Is Most Deserving Of Being At Work And Away From His Nagging Wife. My husband said that many times he has recognized that he has felt bad because as the guys go in a circle complaining HE can't think of anything to contribute!

That was it! That was the statement that broke me. Me: the girl that is so quick to hold myself under a microscope of analyzing. I have often held back and worried about my words for fear of being that nagging annoying drip of water that Proverbs 19 speaks of. It was better medicine that a hundred hugs or 5 dozen surprise roses. Tears spilled all over our workbook and bless his heart......he thought he said something that hurt me.

My goodness. After 23 years of marriage and our children becoming adults, we just might be able to look forward to this next stage of life together. We are not the young naive people we once were that thought, "All we need is love". Now we can become those mature and experienced people that say, "We are what we are and will carry each other through it because of love".

Thank You God for creating the unity of marriage. Thank You for wielding Your character traits into us to make us compliment and lean on each other.