Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Thank You God for Hospice

God answered my prayers. Of course He always does listen and answer. It is how He is and He can't be any other way.

Nana is now enrolled in Hospice. It is a hard thing because we all know that means she isn't getting any better. But it is also a good thing because it is the much needed help and support that my parents have needed. Now there are multiple people a phone call away with knowledge and expertise that far surpass anything we can do as a family. Having hospice will enable us to love and embrace each other as family without worrying about what to do next.
Thank You God.....

Today I did something that I purposefully chose to do to bless my family. There are no provisions or arrangements at this point for funeral care. I made the calls to inquire and get that started. I called 5 different places and looked up information online. I didn't realize it would be so emotionally hard. Nana is still here and we have the honor and privilege of loving on her and hugging her all we want. So it shocked me that I would choke up on the phone and excuse myself while holding back tears. I also didn't think about the idea that sometimes a funeral home representative can become calloused and cold from the nature of their work.
I am so grateful that I was the one to make the calls. I think it would have been too hard for anyone else.

Thank You God for Your tender mercy, compassion and grace.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Sleepy and tired....

I am sleepy tonight but I just wrote this (Keep Moving Forward) on my other site and thought it had personal application for both blogs.

God bless you in all you do!

Monday, August 19, 2013


Last night was the birthday dinner. It was a ton of fun to honor our daughter......our grown up married 22 year old daughter. It was cute to see her enjoying her day, squealing over her presents and loving on everyone. And then there was the food. We had a table full of wonton, manapua, stuffed panpan, rice and a huge salad.

Thank You God for our wonderful children and the loving eternal legacy that we see in them.

Last night was hard too. My Nana is advancing in her dementia and getting more frail. She is now 87 years old. Over the last few weeks the neuropathy from the diabetes is making it so she has imaginary bugs crawling on her and she can't feel her feet. That along with the fact that the dementia is affecting her equilibrium is causing her to fall several times a day even when being spotted and using a walker.

The other day she fell hard and was in a lot of pain. After x-rays showed no fractures we breathed a huge sigh of relief. Tests did show an infection for which she is getting treatment for now and is improving. But the trauma of the whole event has her not being herself right now and it is hard to watch.

The brain is so unique and complex in how it works. I am not a scholar. But my experiences help me to understand it all the only way I know how. After taking care of my daddy for so long, I learned that social skills and pretending are instinct in how people work. However when there is a great physical/emotional trauma that interrupts that pattern; the brain reverts to core life skills and the ability to socialize or do small tasks becomes a loss. Over time the brain will usually start diverting to multi tasking again. But eventually as the body gets more and more weak, those skills can become completely lost forever.

Last night, Nana could walk with the walker only if my mom was right next to her prompting each foot step. She could not hold a utensil to feed herself. She could not tract a complete intelligent sentence without falling asleep or making up words. And she didn't always know who I was. I put rolled up washcloths in her hands because she was clutching her hands closed tightly and digging her nails into her palms.

I see and know what is happening and it breaks my heart. I see my mom and she is handling it all so well. She is amazing! It is so hard to have roles change and have our parents become like a toddler. I see that she is tired too and I want to rescue her. But it is hers to do and I can't take that from her. I pray for my mom to have a mentor and confidant like I had in our hospice nurse Ellen. She was such a loving savior to me in helping me walk thru questions and knowledge that I didn't even know I had in me.

Honestly, transparently, painfully, in raw emotion without picking and choosing my words carefully........
I grapple with the truth that every single second is ordained by God. He forgets nothing and loves everything. I know and believe that with all my heart. And in that, I wish I knew what the purpose is in all this. I know that God's sees the completion and I can't see but a sliver. In that though, as much as I love my precious Nana, can this please not drag on. Can my mom still have years of health for herself. Can Nana please have the peace of heaven instead of what I see as the torture of an extreme now.

I trust in You God. I know You have all of this and I trust.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Cake Craziness.....

I can't sit and visit right now. But I do have to laugh and share this picture. Tomorrow is Pippin's birthday dinner and I sort of went crazy with making her surprise cake. It is a Death By Chocolate taken to new artistic extremes. giggle giggle

God bless you in all you set your hands and feet to!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

My Husband is My Hero!

About 3 weeks ago I was visiting my folks when my dad made reference to the bee hive that appeared in their Magnolia tree. It was small and hidden in the leaves of one branch. If you weren't right on top of it you would have no idea it was there.

Then it grew.....

And it grew.................

And it grew..........................

It grew until it was the size of a personal watermelon.
We all got nervous by that time. My mom spied a close look through her binoculars and realized they weren't bees. They were black hornets! At the same time she was looking, my dad was looking as well, only he was closer. He got stung twice as they swarmed outside of the hive in a stance of angry protection. Those stings made him jump and fall back, roll down the hill and take a wedge out of his ear when he hit up against a garden round.
Can you see the black hornet hive?

How about now?
 My husband is so amazing! He decided that he would protect my parents and get rid of that horrid hive for them before anymore awful accidents reared up.

He donned his old military chemical warfare suit.

Then everyone helped.
 Everyone helped him tie up the ends and duct tape every seam imaginable.  Then he sprayed and layered the inside of 3 huge garbage bags with bug spray.

He made it all look so effortless as he walked straight up to the hive, bag it, tie it closed and then cut off the branch.

Thank You God for my amazing husband!