What Is In A Prayer........

I visited my brother a couple of days ago before the cold icy weather hit our area. He was doing well and felt encouraged by his new doctor. It turns out that the new doctor wants to wait a couple of more weeks before determining the need for surgery on the 4 broken places of his collar bone. I did some research last night on the web to clarify answers for questions we have had concerning the whole situation. I never realized what an interesting bone it is to heal and how rarely surgeries are performed. So here I am learning more medical information and feeling with even greater awe at the amazing ways God made our bodies.

While visiting, my brother and I got on the subject of God and prayer. We began discussing miracles that I had witnessed recently and then our own hindrances in prayer. As we talked, I felt a rise in my emotions as waves of panic and fear set into me.
Maybe you too can relate to the feelings that hit me. Or maybe you are confused with the why and how I could have such a quandary over a simple conversation.  Let me explain.

As we sat there talking I became acutely aware that I had not prayed for my brother. Sure, I had prayed with him over the phone when he first fell but that was different.  I wanted to pray for his healing and not just his emotional peace but I hadn't. Praying for someone is a vulnerable and transparent way to share heart and display value of one another. I have always been open with my brother and we have carried a close relationship our whole lives. I wanted to give him that part of my love that shines through prayer...but something was holding me back.

A comment was made in our conversation that according to 1 Corinthians 12 the gift of being able heal others is only given to certain people. I said no and explained that it is something that we can all do. When we have a relationship with God we have the complete Holy Spirit in us and a "now" connection to heaven. It is a matter of faith and belief. Jesus talks in the Bible about the faith of the mustard seed and that we can do so much more if only we believe. I suggested that hearing and seeing stories of people being healed when they go to certain places is because of a heightened level of expectation that raises more faith and belief. Sure, some people are able to bring healing to people quickly but it is not necessarily because they are "chosen" and more because their faith and belief leaves no room for doubt in their mind. 

That thought challenged me even more as in a time span that seemed to go on forever I battled the thought provoking shame that wanted to cripple me. "Tisk tisk....shame on you. How little you are that you dare not share what you SAY you believe in with someone you know feels the same way. You SAY you love your little brother and you have prided yourself in always protecting him. Now we see the truth. You aren't even strong enough to do this one thing."

Oh my goodness how the satan loves to get in our heads and twist things around so we are incapacitated. God is the author of love not shame.

Despite my own self doubt, I could not help but ask myself the heart burning questions at hand, "What is the lie I am believing right now and what is the truth I need to see?"  My mind raced through the things that I know and the things I have seen.

Am I making up what I want to believe?
No, I have seen blind people see, deaf people hear, crippled people become straight and broken hearted find hope.

Did I worry that my brother would think me a nut for believing in prayer?
No, he believes the same. And even if he didn't I have often found myself in position of discussing God's love with complete strangers.

Did I feel less than because I prayed for Daddy to be healed and he then died from his cancer?
No, God heals in different ways and for Daddy it was the many layers of his emotional heart that received the healing.

Have I ever been a part of someone being healed?
Yes, my mother-in-law was healed just by us praying over the phone with over a thousand miles between us.

Have other people I know personally been healed?
Pippin was healed. Last week a guy I know had his multi-fractured foot miraculously healed. A friend's chronic sinus infection, another friend's severe milk allergy, another friend's slipped disc and so many more. I was even healed from severe complete laryngitis by the simple prayer of a child.

Then a new thought crept into my mind. What if I pray and the bones don't go back together? Then I would be responsible for lifting his hope and then dashing it to the ground.
But the truth is that it is my responsibility to walk out my faith and belief. It is God's responsibility to know the will and timing of everything that happens.

I couldn't take it any longer and I just had to pray. The things that I know to be true out weighed the fears holding me captive and I had to press through. I didn't say anything grand for God does not care about big words or descriptive spinning sonnets. God only cares about seeing our hearts. Nothing drastic happened after we prayed together but I felt that we had both gained ground in what we shared with each other and in our relationship with God.

I wanted to stay longer after that but had to get out the door and drive through the 45 minutes of traffic that separates our neighborhoods. So we hugged and promised to check with each other over the phone that night.
A few hours later he called me to say, "Sister thank you so much for praying and sharing with me today. After you left I was so encouraged. It was the first time since my fall that I felt I could do anything with my arm. I got down on the floor and played for a bit with my daughter and our golden retriever. It felt so good to remember what it is like to do some things for myself instead of being so dependent and scared. Thank you."

Daddy God, I thank You for being such an encourager, for giving me a brother that encourages me to say 'why not'. Thank You for being the truth that shines through and resonates in my heart even when I am scared of my own self. Thank You for never giving up on me as I stumble along. And thank You that You always listen, always hear, always love and always give just what we need.


(post note: published on stirmyfaith.com)

Izabell Is Here......

 Meet baby Izabell Rea

 on her first morning in the world.

Born February 22, 2011

She weighs 9lbs. 6oz. and is 21" long.

We are planning a trip in May to visit. 

Sure wish we could go see them and meet her sooner.

All Sorts of News......

I was trying to wait for a proper picture before posting this but just can't wait any longer. Our newest grand baby was born today. Both mom and baby Isabelle are doing well and oh so healthy. Bless her heart, Mom had been holding back labor for about a month and a half. But now Isabelle is here and all the waiting is a distant memory. Once I get a picture that doesn't contain hospital stuff everywhere I will post for all to see.

~~~~~

My brother also saw his doctor and the news is not good. Instead of the 4 breaks healing on their own, his collar bone is much worse than when it first broke. Tomorrow morning he will see a surgeon and will hopefully be on the book schedule by the end of the day for a surgery date. He is frustrated but is trying hard to look at the positive side of things. I just don't understand why surgery wasn't the plan in the beginning and he was sent home with only tape around his shoulder for stability.

~~~~~

I have to confess that I am really enjoying this time of being alone. It is so funny how things come full swing. I remember it wasn't so very long ago that I was scared to have any time alone. Now I am relishing in it. Of course I love having all my girls around. I love the giggles and humorous conspiring over various situations as we all mesh together in personality and love. I love giggling with my little Angel-girl and remembering what it is like to look at the world through the eyes of untainted innocence.

But having time alone these past few weeks while my brother is laid up honestly has been really nice as well. Today, Icca was at work, Puddin' at school, Pippin in Seattle for a couple of days and hubby at work. The house was mine for a full day. I was able to do whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted and I really liked it. I played my music and worked on computer stuff without interruption and without fear of making bothersome noises. I completed all of my tasks and errands and still had time to put my feet up and re-charge my brain.

I am not complaining. Each day and season is valid and important all on its own. I just wanted to take a minute and acknowledge that I recognize the differences.

~~~~~

Speaking of differences, I was thinking today about how reaching out to others makes such a difference in the lives of everyone involved. As Puddin' and I were driving home from school today, a hand reached out from the driver's window of the school bus in front of us and frantically waved a big hello for us to see. It took us a second to realize it was Puddin' old bus driver.

He is a sweet older guy with a tough attitude but always made sure my girl was safe during the 2 years she rode his bus. If I was stuck in traffic and not waiting in my car when he pulled up to the bus stop, he would figure out dawdling reasons for Puddin' to wait in the bus until I got there so she wouldn't be alone. I was always so appreciative of that because it was a scary part of the neighborhood where she was let off.  A few times I made cookies for him and every now and again slipped him a thank you card just for being kind.

It has been well over a year since he was her bus driver and something like a million other kids have passed through his care. But he remembered us today and picked us out of a crowd of cars on the street (and me with a new car to boot).
It really made me think about actions and attitude. I knew back when I made those cookies and wrote those cards that I was doing something to bless and honor him. That was my purpose. But those small gestures must have not been so very small to him. You just never know how much change you can affect in some one's life until you reach out and try.

~~~~~

The other thing I had on my mind tonight while doing the dishes was Daddy.
I have gotten to where I can now look at the pictures of him around the house and smile for real. I can hug little Conguito and not feel remorse that Daddy can't see his antics. I can talk about spending almost a year in Texas caring for him without my voice changing or thoughts wandering. Occasionally I get a whisper of grief in my thoughts that says shame on me for being able to move on so soon. But that is so not true. I am able to move on and be happy because I know all that God did for us that whole time and I know without doubt that I will see him again

But tonight, for some reason as I was doing dishes, all of a sudden I was back in the room after he took his last breath, looking at him and holding him.....but not quite being able to see him and feel him. I was startled to find that I couldn't remember or see all of the details like I once did. I know that time heals hearts and I know that those images are not the ones I choose to dwell on anyway. But I have to think just a little bit harder about his laugh, his voice, his smile.

I don't really know what I think about that just yet.


Have a peaceful night of sleep and a blessed week.

The Gift of Memories......

Yesterday my brother and I along with our spouses, surprised our parents with a special gift for their 25th anniversary. They have been our support and encouragement through so much over the years and a shinning example of how marriage works.  We thought long and hard about what to do to honor them and wanted more that a fleeting gift that would get old and dusty. We chose the kind of gift that lasts and shines even more with time....the gift of memories.  We honored them with a special 2 hour lunch cruise downtown aboard the Portland Spirit.

It was an amazing day and the weather was perfect. We didn't tell them what we were doing before hand so they made great sport out of trying to figure out what the itinerary of the day was. My mom sized me up in my clothing to try and guess if we were going for a hike or touring the waterfalls in the area while my husband teased that we were driving to Seattle for lunch.

Going inside the ship made them feel so special. Seeing the tables full of crystal settings brought tears to their eyes. Realising that the boat would be actually moving instead of docked while we ate made the tears overflow with humble honor and overwhelming joy.

You can't see in this picture but my brother's left arm is in a sling and his shoulder is all taped up for stability.
He did well on the trip. It was his first real outing since he broke his collar bone a couple of weeks ago. He was bound and determined not to miss this special occasion. And after all the tension he and my sister-in-law have had with his recuperating these past few weeks, they enjoyed getting out. When their special song came on they danced and romanced one another with smiles and giggles.
You can't see in this picture but his left arm is in a sling and his shoulder is all taped up for stability.

My hubby and I had a good time relaxing as well. We were so grateful and doubly blessed that the weather was so perfect for our excursion.

The food was all gourmet and amazing. Our appetizers were jumbo prawns with the chef's special cocktail sauce. My sister-in-law also ordered some sauteed mushrooms but I was so enjoying the food and company I forgot to take a picture of it.

Our main course was just as spectacular. Most at our table ordered Herb Crusted Beef Shoulder platter. My brother ordered  Baked Salmon Fillet and I had Tortellini Provincial.  All platters came with yummy steamed veggies and spaghetti squash.

 Does dessert really need an explanation? giggle giggle..... We picked plates of chocolate chocolate gourmet chocolate cake, raspberry cheesecake and Bailey's Irish cream cheesecake. The Bailey's was mine.
(It definitely didn't go with my new eating plan but I enjoyed it and slept away the effects later in the day with no consequences.)

 The whole day was an amazing experience and we were so pleased to be able to treat and honor our parents with special memories of love.

~~~~~~~

 And on a completely different venue of memories for the weekend......
regarding the inheritance money I received recently that sent me in a quandary.
With a small portion of it I chose to buy a brand new washer and dryer. That may seem silly to some but let me tell you how it makes me smile. In our 21 years of marriage and raising of so many kids, we have always traded in used for used and taken the appliances others have cast off as they upgrade. They have all been blessings that served their purpose for the time needed...and our pocketbook. But they have all had their cute quirks as well that we have dealt with. They crash and bang around with imbalance and we had to choose certain times to wash because of the noise factor. Imagine the machines making their jubilee sounds so hubby turns up the tv which makes everyone talk more loud in their conversations, music practice gets more intense, phone conversations hide in the corners because of sound and not secrets.....

This is what I bought and had delivered on Friday. You can't imagine how excited I am and I want to wash everything in the house because of the efficient way this set makes everything clean. These machines are so quiet!  And in a way, every time I walk by my laundry room, I feel that it is a blessing from Daddy that makes my days easier.

The girls are all teasing me like crazy because I made up a check sheet for how to use this sparkling team. My reasoning for being so structured is that we have always had these old fashioned dials where you choose water level and temperature and type of clothing. These machines are so new and different. They are digital and do it all for you. It is foreign and scary to do the first load for fear of pressing wrong buttons.  And goodness.....though it sounds logical.....don't try to open the door of the front loader in motion to put in that forgotten article of clothing.


Thank you for reading along and sharing in the blessings of my weekend.
 I pray for you to feel God's blessings and encouragement this week as you pursue the fact that you have a purposeful destiny and are loved with a mighty never ending love.

My Weekend....

"God my eyes are closed but I am really nervous."

"Why are you nervous?"

"What if You don't give me anything?"

"Awe Sweetheart. Shhhhh....It's going to be okay."