Surprises...

Last month, my mother-in-law gave me a big Costco sized bag of individually wrapped assorted Dove chocolates. With 8th grade science studies going on in "Rosie's" room and "Pippin" getting a piano lesson, I decided to open the bag and treat myself.
As I unwrapped the caramel sensation and began to pop it into my mouth to savor, I noticed a message on the inside of the wrapper.

Keep the promises you make to yourself.

Where did that come from? I fought the urge to look over my shoulder, thinking I was the focal point of a prank. Interesting. Quick deduction brought me to the conclusion that it was put there by the confectioner company. What an interesting statement to put on the inside of a chocolate. It must be a random thing they do as a selling technique.
With the sweet caramel taste a memory in my mouth, I opted to open a 63% extra dark square. It had a statement too.

Hearts that feel deeply, live richly.

There must be these little promise statements on the inside of each piece of candy. I love the statements and have to wonder how God uses things in the most unexpected places to speak to me.
On the other hand, I have to laugh. I figure the candy company used this as a marketing ploy to encourage consumers to savor the moment and enrich their lives.

Knowing me though, I will have to fight the urge to not open them by the handful just so I can know what each wrapper says.

Love In The Cobwebs...

I was digging through an old box last night. It's a square foot locker type of box that was given to me when I was a young teen. Throughout high school, I had placed all sorts of trinkets, mementoes, love letters, and pictures into it. I don't know what drew me to move things around in the closet and fish it out. Maybe it was that I had the time to do it. My husband was out of town for work and the three kids were in the living room watching tv. Maybe the news of my upcoming 20 year high school reunion, that I refuse to attend, made me a bit melancholy.

As I was looking through it all last night, some of it made me smile...like the squished and dry corsage from my first prom. Some of it made me shudder...like an envelope of drawings from a old psychotic-stalker boyfriend (no really he was quite scary and threatening). Then some of it puzzled me as to the significance. You know, those things that we think we will always remember and then don't because we mature and life goes on.

Amongst all the memories and dusty cobwebs, I found this card (pictured above). I don't recall when or where I became the owner of it. The small copyright in the bottom left corner has a date of 1982. According to that date, that would place me at 11 years of age. Other circumstances and memories though, tell me that it came into my possession later in life. On the backside of this card is a small stamped price of 49 cents. In the middle of the card, I recognize my high school handwriting. It was a small and delicate script that I had an admitted personal pride over. (I certainly don't take the time to write in such a way these days.)

I had written in light pencil, maybe so it would not be readily noticeable to whomever came into my room, a list of 5 names from my high school life.

1. an old boyfriend. Actually, the first that I thought I was forever in love with. We dated for 2 whole years. It seemed like an eternity to my young ideals. I ended it when he said he had met a new girl and after knowing her for 7 days, he couldn't decide who he loved more...her or me. I told him I would be glad to solve his dilemma and never spoke to him again.
2. names two and three were a couple of friends that I idolized. As high school sweethearts they were convinced that as soon as school and civil law would allow them, they would be married and their love would feed and clothe their family and hold them together through any trial the world threw their way. As a group we all worshiped how perfect their relationship seemed to be. We even all met out in on the back cross-country track one day and performed a mock wedding ceremony for them just to see the stars shine in their eyes.
3. a cousin that lived close by. For some reason there was always a love/hate rivalry between us. Things were always really good or really bad and it killed me. We were family after all.
4. the last name was my mom. As some stories can go, I was a teen that created lots of waves in the home while I was trying to figure out who in the world I was going to be on a day to day and hour by hour basis. Even still, my earlier up bringing had taught me to always be aware of how others were feeling. So, despite my desire to want to be a horrid selfish girl....I still saw the cyclone that I caused.

As an adult, those are the things that I remember now. What possessed me back then to create that list? Why were those the names that stuck out instead of others? I can't answer those questions because I am not that scared and unsure 15 year old girl any longer.

Since last night, this card has caught my attention several times. I like what it has to say. The characteristics of love keep striking a chord in me and it makes me smile.

• It reminds me of relationships that I have had the pleasure of having in the past and those that I do have now.
• It makes me think of what the future holds unbeknownst to me.
• As I read between the lines, I recognize the strength and faith that it takes to be a parent.
• The words themselves do not speak the name of God, but it's verse completely embodies the wonderful FATHER that I know and speak to every day.

I guess sometimes it is good to look back over the past.

Eternity...

I had the pleasant surprise a couple of days ago of finding out that our oldest son was on his way into town for a few days. Oh bless him, my hubby knew but forgot to tell me. That is okay. It is always nice to have the strapping 24 year old around to liven things up.

As my brain has been kicked into overdrive wanting to do all of those motherly things that just can’t be stopped…..is the bathroom clean enough?….do I have all of his favorite foods in the house?…..how many “special talks” can we fit in while he is here?….and then some, other things have been swirling around in my thoughts as well. One of those thoughts being the tragic news of Heath Ledger dying recently.

Why am I thinking about it so much? I never knew the man. I am only familiar with a few of his movies. I didn’t think that all of them were incredible works of scripting art but I did enjoy what I saw. Patriot is still on my list of must sees. Though I find the high school drama of 10 Things I Hate About You boring and annoying, I am always a silly sap for a male character that pursues the emotionally hurting female to make her world a happy place, thus finding true love and problems of life all wrapped up in a mere hour and forty-five minutes. I found Four Feathers and A Night’s Tale both to be fantastic for inspiring character in rising up above self and society expectations. (See, there I go again with my impersonation of Siskel and Ebert) I have seen only one interview with Mr. Ledger and from it, formed the impression that he was a sad man trying to fill his emptiness with accomplishments. That is very different of course from the diverse hero roles that he portrayed.

The notice of his death was a quick small clip for a couple of hours on my internet home page. Then it was gone. Since then, I have seen nothing else. I know a few people on the radio stations are talking about it and I have seen a few more people blog about it, but the subject has been pretty quiet in comparison to my expectations of what happens to “Hollywood tragedy”.

Why am I thinking on it so much? Maybe it is the lack of news that has my heart tugging. It has gotten me thinking on the word Legacy. What does it mean? One of the definitions I found for legacy is: “anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.” Where is the long list of his legacy that everyone should be talking about? How was his life and what is he passing on to his young daughter? Was his life as empty as that interview looked? If so…why? Was he never shown a belief system beyond Hollywood?

Belief system….yes, I do mean religion….more importantly I mean relationship. I am not talking about the “go to Sundays services and then yell at the crazy drivers on the way home” kind of religion. I am talking about a relationship with God, a real relationship that defines a person beyond themselves and fills every empty hole in ways that we never could on our own. I am talking about a relationship with a living and breathing real God that hears when we talk, cry, and smile. A God that loves us in spite of whatever we have done and will do in the future.

Do I really believe all of that? Yes I do and with all of my heart. Why? For one, too much biblical history has been proven by archeologists to ignore. For another, I can’t just write off that voice of guidance in my head, heart, and soul that goes against worldly logic; that comfort that surrounds me and solves issues that could otherwise never be handled; a presence that guides and accepts me even with all of my ick. These things are all too strong and real to be written off as a vacant and weak need to believe in something.

The time that we have here on earth is so short. Sadly, Mr. Ledger proved that. We see it over and over again in tragedies young and old. Though the time that we do have here is all we can conceptually wrap our brains around, there is a far greater time that is even more difficult for us to understand and yet it deserves our attention and thought. That time is eternity. We can deny it, but it won’t deny us.

As I go about my daily things, my heart has been crying out and now I know why and what it is crying for. It is for lost decisions. Did Mr. Ledger ever address the issue of eternity before he took his last breath? Did he run in the other direction like so many do, saying that other things can fill that void? I think about others in my life that have been seeking comfort as well and died before giving in to the only true and real comfort that can be found. That is why my heart breaks.

Father God, I am certainly not perfect in any way. I stumble around and focus on self all too easily and take my eyes off of You. But God, I ask that you help me to see and take action with the people and times that need you. Why do we fight against you so much? Why is a free gift so hard to accept? I thank you God that you are always next to me and to anyone else who asks You to be. Every day afresh I am reminded of how amazing You are.

Quotable Ben Franklin...

Yes even on my day off, I think about school.

We have been studying the founding of this country for the past couple of months and just finished up a study on Ben Franklin. You know, as a kid, I thought history was so very boring. I would memorize whatever I had to just to make it thru the test and then promptly hit that metal delete button as soon as I turned the paperwork in. Now a days though, I can't get enough of history. I still don't remember it all very well, but I find it amazingly interesting.
I wonder why that is?......
Maybe since I am geared to be a romantic, I find the integrity and honor of yester-year to be so much more inspiring than the current society days I live in. I am sure there is more drawing me than that. But it is the first thing that comes to my mind.

I have been looking over the livable quotes of Benjamin Franklin lately and I find them to be a great array of rules to live by. Some are humorous and goofy while others could really make a differnce in today's society if they were paid attention to. You can find his list at this site.
Though they all make me smile, here are a few that I find of personal benefit:

• Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
• Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
• Silence is not always a sign of wisdom but babbling is ever a folly.

This is my current favorite...

If you would not be forgotten when you are dead and rotten,

either write things worthy of reading or do things worth the writing.

Thank you Mr. Franklin.

Reprieve....

Today is a holiday, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day to be exact.

With being a home schooler, and also in the past with running a small school, I have had the fun task of choosing what days we take off and what days we stay open for education. This is a day that I have always labeled as a school day, not to be disrespectful in any way mind you. I simply choose to press forward with school.

The students have always grumbled to me, "The public school kids get to sleep in today. It's just not fair."

My reply has always been the same so they can quote me verbatim now. "If the good Dr. has the ability to look down from heaven at this very moment, he is blessed and honored that you have chosen his special day as one of higher education instead of slothfulness."

Ah, then how much was their surprise last night when I declared that today would be a free day. See, we had a notice posted on our door last night that the water utilities will be turned on and off all day long for maintenance inspecting. I decided that it would be too difficult to run classes without proper restroom and kitchen facilities.

So, in a new way for us today, Dr. Martin Luther King, we honor you.