Peek-n-Seek With Snow....

The winter weather has everyone tense here. There is a weather front teasing us with the idea of snow in the air. If it were to come, it is not like it would be a bad storm. The threat is only an inch or two. Most people, not from the great northwest, tend to think that because we are 'up north' we must gets tons of snow all the time. On the contrary, because we have the Cascade mountain range and the coastline boxing us in, winter fronts usually bounce away from us. When Portlanders hear talk of snow (even an inch worth) everyone tends to run to the store for supplies and 'batten down the hatches' as if we will be stranded in our homes and blocked from modern civilization for months on end. 

The true danger is in the driving conditions. Because snow and ice is not a normal occurrence around here, people tend to hit the road without much street savvy as they drive their cars. The un-cautious either want to joy ride and play with their seldom used 4WD vehicles or barrel through the streets at normal speeds to prove that a little cold weather will not deter them from their mission.    

All of that makes me want to stay indoors where it is safe and stare at the beauty from my window.
I have had a cold this week and my usual laryngitis is visiting me so I haven't felt up to gallivanting much anyway. The weekend was slow....well slower would be a better word phrase to use. Friday night there were girls here doing trial run throughs with Icca Chou's makeup and hair styles for the wedding. Pizza, facial products and giggles were all over my house. Saturday was the bridal shower (at someone else's home). Once I got everything ready for Hubby's party at our home for his Hood-2-Coast meeting; I spent the evening with giggling women blessing our sweet bride to be.  It was a great turn out and she was blessed abundantly.

I finished her dress this week. It didn't take an enormous amount of time. It was only my procrastinating that held me back. I am excited at how it looks but will have to wait until after the wedding to share pictures with you.

Today I did the cake server set. It was fun as well. I love how bead work enhances and makes everything so unique. I plan on doing the same beading concept to the stemware of their toasting goblets.



It is now less than one month to the wedding. I figure our lives are going to be swamped from here on out with all things wedding. The tuxes have all been fitted, florist arranged, photographer contracted and food planned. Our dresses are on order and should be here by the end of next week. That has been an interesting hiccup in the otherwise smoothness of all the planning. Everything that happens in life has opportunity to learn from. So from the dresses......my learning curve is that I doubt I will ever order clothing using an online sizing chart again.

For the moment, Nyquil, my pillow and fuzzy blanket are calling my name.

Thank You Papa God for the  conveniences of today. Thank You for Nyquil, my pillow and fuzzy blanket. Thank You for the joys of crafts and individual creations. Thank You for your own artistry in the seasons that change. Amongst the many reasons that I cannot even begin to fathom, You create change in the seasons to care for the earth and to make us smile. The joys of snowflakes falling and the unique individuality of each one.....and You know them all just like You know us.

God bless you abundantly in all you do this week. Be filled with His joy and know that you are most definitely loved and never alone.

I Can't Sleep.....

Every now and again I have a day where I can stay in my pajamas all day and play hide-n-seek from responsibility. But by and large I feel the word "busy" accentuates my every day. I know it is my own doing and I am the only one who can truly say "no" or "stop" or "go away". So why don't I set better boundaries with myself?
Maybe because the first thing I always think of is that I never want to look back on life and wish I would have done more.

........I am sitting here staring at the screen and wondering how to put to words what I am feeling and ........oh I don't know.

Here are some random thoughts....

Last week I took my brother and his family to the airport so they could go visit family back east. I was absolutely floored with the memories that were triggered when I stood on the curb hugging him goodbye and praying with him. Dejavu' washed over me as I remembered the last time I did that. It was when they were flying to Texas to see Daddy.  I mustered up the biggest smile ever as I waved goodbye and tried to shake it all off.

Yesterday Hubby mentioned, "Hey I saw your dad when I was driving home today". It was so weird how I know full well he was referring to my dad, my mom's husband, the man I love so dearly and has been such a centrifugal part of our lives for so long.....but in my mind I pictured Daddy and it took my breath away that made my adrenalin rush and hands shake.

Despite what those to situations would lead you to believe, I don't think of Daddy every second of the day anymore. And I can think of him without despair or swallowing pain.

While my brother and his family were gone on vacation we took care of their golden retriever. I forgot what it was like to have a big dog around here.

Speaking of dogs; I have been making food for Kekoa and Conguito instead of buying bags of kibble. I know, you can laugh. My friend Rose said, "Wow that is a whole lot more than a doggie car seat," which is an inside joke for us. The fuzzy boys love it of course. It costs slightly more than the kibble and takes more of my time but it sure is turning out to be more healthy for them.

 Icca Chou, the girl that is currently living with us, is now engaged to be married. It has been an interesting time. The wedding is set for February of this next year. There is lots to plan and do. I am trying to make suggestions without being pushy. I am not the mama.........I don't know how to finish that thought.

Tony, is now in a half way house. He comes by once a week or so to do laundry and get a good meal or two. He is trying to fight his way through recovery and I am so proud of him. He has times when he wants to spiral and I have to be oh so very hard on him.

Pippin has found herself quite taken with a young man. It has been adorable to watch things unfold. Five months ago they caught each others eye and played awkward with blushing glances and silly cheesy smiles. Last month they decided to "officially" get to know one another more. I really like him too. He has upstanding character and enhances her qualities. He challenges her to stretch her independence without causing her to become someone she is not.  I must admit that after some things happened a few months back with some other young men in our lives, I really didn't want to like this one. I wanted to live on planet No Boys Allowed where the hurts of complications don't happen. But he has chipped away at that protective layer and gained my respect. Only God knows what will happen from here.

A couple of days ago I started working on a baby quilt. It is one I had bought material for back in April but hesitated on starting because of the sadness of my old machines. Now that I have a handy dandy new machine I figured it was time to learn how to use it.  This is for our newest grand-baby, Isabelle born in November. Another day or two and it will be finished. I will mail it off to her and she will have it before she turns a year. That is okay isn't it?

I bought material today to make flags for dance worship. I have completely come to love dance worship. It transports me out of myself, my circular thoughts and reminds me that there is so much more that is bigger and better to dwell on. I am anxious to try and make these flags. I hope I can make them well.  I have hesitated for a while because I feared messing them up and wasting money. But I have decided that not trying is the bigger mistake. I must just try and learn from there.

My cello lessons are going well and I am so encouraged. I have learned that it really is a good hobby for me. Because I am left handed AND administratively minded, bridging both sides of my brain can be quite the ordeal at times. Some days it takes me a good 10 minutes of warm ups with my brain telling my hands, fingers and arms to do different things before I stop screeching and play corretly. It is therapy. It soothes me.
I sold the cello (Carlotta) that was too big for me and am renting a 3/4 sized one at the moment. I dislike the idea of renting but I want to learn a few more months of appreciating sound and quality before laying down money on the perfect instrument for me.

Okay, I think I can sleep now.
God bless you richly and know that no matter what, you are infinitely and completely loved by the Creator God.

November Happenings.....

I cannot believe that tomorrow is December 1st already! Wow time goes by so fast. It is all a blur but God is good and I am so grateful for His constant guidance and presence.

What has happened in the past few weeks?..........

Rixxi got a job. Yeah! We are happy for her. Her employer is working her continually too so we hope that it can turn into a full time position for her after the holidays.

Pippin is still job searching so I am trying to be an encouragement there for her. The rules are.....conservatively at least 10 job applications per week and up and dressed for the day with a plan of action by 9am every day. I am sure some would say that is way too easy but I think she is doing good.

Puddin' is adjusting to her sophomore year completely now and God has been working on her to feel a sense of purpose in school instead of wanting to hide from it all.

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The middle of November we had opportunity to volunteer at Father's Heart for their Thanksgiving Dinner. Can I even begin to explain the explosion of emotion that went through my heart that evening?

I think I am not alone in being honest about viewing homeless people with a mixture of emotions. When I see them on the street corners with signs in hand I want to at least smile an encouragement their way but then I worry that they would think I have something for them or that I am making fun of them in some way. So instead I stare at the light and will in to turn green and release me.

I know full well that each person has their own individual story and yet society stereo typing is the first thing that comes to my mind and that shames me.

And yet, fueled by my own ignorance I was shocked and so blessed to be around the 90 people that we cared for that night. Why in the world would I not expect them to have manners, to offer polite gratitude, and wait patiently for their turn? Why did it make me stop in my tracks to see so many with so little offer what they had to one another?......"This is the last milk but I think you should have it instead."......."Here you can have this seat and we will make room.".

The thing that most left a mark on my heart was towards the end of the evening when a young couple came in for help. She was 18 and disowned by her family. He was 25 and lost an eye while serving in Afghanistan. though he receives full disability, the money doesn't matter because is is plagued by panic and fear that makes him more non functional that a blind eye ever could.

We fed them, listened to them, and then prayed with them. Have you ever seen peace wash over someone? That night it became more than a phrase to me as I watched this man go from raw adrenaline panic to slow breathing calm simply by speaking God's truth over him. We spoke thankfulness for his service and destiny and purpose of his life. We spoke worth and value over his being and restoration healing over his body. They both hugged us and cried, grateful for receiving the love and compassion that had been so craved but absent anywhere else.

I think of them often now and wonder how they are doing.

I plan to volunteer for the Christmas dinner too so maybe I will see them again.

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I used to sew all the time. I had taken a basic class in high school and then fumbled around from there on learning from mistakes and going forward. I learned to create patterns from thin air and became the drama department seamstress for all of the low budget plays. That was fun!

Later, when my girls were little, I was constantly on my machine making clothes or baby blankets for all the new babies being born in my husband's unit. But then cost, time, and desire all welled up against me and I didn't feel like it anymore. Why take all that time and cost when I could get it cheaper and more quick at the local department store? Last year I even thought of posting my 17 year old machine for sale but then figured I should keep it around for hemming pants and mending holes.

That has all changed for me now and I have been completely bitten by the sewing bug.

It all started with a simple desire to make our new grand baby a towel. I have always had a disliking for those little store bought baby towels that are about as thin as paper. So usually when a baby is born I will sew a couple of regular towels and washcloths together to make something much more comfortable. As the babies grow into toddler-hood they still love their towels and are frequently seen streaking around the house after a baby with their "hooded cape" on and squealing in glee.

So I figured Abbigail needed just such an item and I made her this....

Then, since Rixxi just happened to be hired on at a craft store....I thought it couldn't harm anything to walk around the store for a bit. How I ended up in materials I don't know but I came home with an old tried and true pattern in mind and ended up making this for Abbigail too.....

Over the weekend, Hubby and I went back to the fabric store and came home with material to make each of our son's step-children a quillow (a personal throw quilt that has a pocket to fold the blanket in and become a decorative pillow) and also a baby blanket for my dear Angel-girl.

Shame on me for I even started looking at new machines!

See, as I was sewing, my 17 year old machine went out. I thought about servicing it but Hubby suggested that maybe I could buy a used one for the same price. It was a quick find but I should have done more research. The machine I bought used is missing the back stitch button. I figured I could get it replaced easy but it is proving to be a hard part to acquire. So for now I am using a friend's machine and I am so grateful.

Oh but golly I have my eye on a computer model at the sewing center down the road.


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I'd like to update you about my daddy.

I talked with him on Thursday and he was sounding a bit discouraged.
Though originally the pathology report from his kidney biopsy said the results were indeterminate on whether he has one form of cancer or two, the pathologist has since conferred with a few other doctors and decided that the mass on my dad's kidney is most likely the same cancer as what is in his esophagus.
Because of this, they are going to choose to be a bit more aggressive in treatment and remove his whole left kidney instead of just what is left of the 2 masses after therapy.

As for his treatment, the oncologists are telling him that he isn't going to be able to start treatment until the middle of December. That is frustrating him too since we have known about his cancer for well over a month now and he is getting pretty uncomfortable. The mass in his esophagus is too tight for him to swallow anything but thin liquids. He went in early last week and had a feeding tube put in his abdomen to help out with nourishment. And he plans to sit at the hospital today and wait for his doctor to have an opening in his schedule to try and dilate his esophagus a bit and relieve the pressure.

I have step-siblings and a cousin in the town where he lives, but he chose to stay home alone with the tv and 8 dogs (yes 8) on Thanksgiving. I know he was discouraged with not being able to eat and I know he was in pain and tired from the feeding tube placement but I don't want being alone to become routine for him.

I know he worries about me being gone from home for a long time and so he has asked that I not go to be with him until his surgery. He feels he can handle treatment on his own. That is so hard for me to accept. I want so badly to be there for as long as possible. My hubby says I should leave and go be with him in January regardless of what Daddy has asked for.

At this moment, I don't know when I am going........but I will definitely go.
At this moment, I am trusting.......trusting that God is with him and is orchestrating each moment.

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So that is my November.
I pray that yours has been well.
I thank you for your well wishes, prayers, smiles, and faithfulness even when I have been so out of touch. Knowing you are there blesses me.

Blessings to you!

Today's Thought....

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When Pippin and her team came back from Uganda, they brought back a huge bag of crafted bead necklaces. Every time I look at these beads I am so amazed.

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The Ugandan women dye paper and then cut them up into long triangular strips. Then starting with the wider end, they roll them up tightly and soak them in a glue resin to make beads. They are so beautiful!

I love to make crafts and I think I am a relatively patient person.....but I cannot imagine the time and effort it takes to make just one string of beads.

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When I look closely at some of the beads, I can see that some of them must have been made from newspaper or magazine print because I can see words running in and out of the bead wrap.

There are long strings with fat beads and shorter strings holding slender elegant beads with 2 or 3 strands together to make a single necklace. The Ugandan women at the Kampala church were selling these for the equivalent of $2.50 per necklace.

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Our team offered to buy a big bag and sell them for a minimum donation of $5 each and send the money back to the church in Kampala as a much needed fund raiser.

It seems that everywhere I go, people love the beads and want to purchase a set even if they don't wear jewelry. I think it is a great way for people to feel like they are involved with trying to help and contribute even in our currently tight economy.

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Every time I look at these beads I think about how we as a society live with so much and yet still find things to grumble about. When I think about making such beautiful pieces of jewelry and selling them for such a small amount of money for an income......it makes me feel very humble.

I praise You Lord for your eyes that see and your love that covers us even when we are unaware.

Checking In....

I miss writing.
I do miss being able to sit here at the computer.....creating and weaving my thoughts.
That time will come again.
Tomorrow is the big bake sale fundraiser for the youth. After that I will be preparing all that goes into being the cook for 20 people at youth camp next weekend.
Then things will slow down again. It is all fun and I enjoy it.


For now here are a couple of things that I wanted to be sure to put to paper (I know it is really a keyboard but putting something "to paper" sounds so much more romantic and mysterious.).


The 3 latest card projects I have been working on....because as usual for me...I worry about not having enough.

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And then I just have to ring my bell a tiny bit here because I feel so good today. My girlfriend and I stopped at the local big name "Mart" store this morning after a garage sale. My mission was to buy a new pair of pants. Victory was mine and I have been jumping up and down praising God all day long!
Normally I am not one to share numbers because everyone is different and what matters is feeling good and being healthy. But Good Golly Miss Molly.......when I started on track with eating healthy 3 months ago I was in a size 16 pants. Today I am the proud owner of a size 12 that I slid right into without wiggling or sucking in.

I am now totally and completely one third of the way to where my doctor says I need to be.
Yes that is chocolate birthday cake in my hands, courtesy of a sweet and adorable little guy's first birthday. It is all about choices. I allowed myself that little choice today and I don't feel one bit of guilt.

Wares To Sell....

I have a smirk on my face right now as I have an image from My Fair Lady with all of the street vendors selling their wares to the public.

Okay, so here are some pictures of the things I have been working on. I have been hard at work, even dreaming of designs in my sleep, but now that I am looking at the pictures I am thinking, "gosh is this all?" No, there is much more to do. This is just the beginning and hopefully a start at a good launch.

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You can't really tell in these photos but the flower and bumblebee above and the frog and girls below are raised for a pop up effect. There is also a touch of glitter here and there. I like glitter.

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I love this Paris set. The French Poodle is one of my favorites. She is so sophisticated that I felt compelled to give her a bit of snazzy glitter too.

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These coster sets were really fun and easy. Each is a set of four. I am thinknig that in the fall it might be a nice gift idea to have a cup, coaster, cocoa or tea packet with a biscotti in a basket.

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It has been stretching to try and keep in mind not only my personal tastes but also what others might like. Stretching is good.

(edited to link enlargement pictures. Quilly it is the only way I know how to do it right now. I hope this helps.)

Moments of Bits and Pieces.....

I haven't been around much lately. everything great has been happening. It is simply that I can't seem to organise myself into multi-tasking with blogging at the moment. So, what has gotten me so pre-occupied?

1) Pippin has officially graduated from CAL now. That leaves one more year of schooling for her and we are in sort of a holding pattern to decide our course of events for fall. I have submitted for an out of district transfer for both of our girls and that has been approved. Now we are waiting for the "other" district to give their approval. This other school offers much more opportunities and choices than our own district so we are anxious to hear the final verdict. Until then, we are stuck with wanting to make class choices and full or part time decisions until we know for sure.

2) My cousin is getting ready to open a craft store. Okay, it doesn't make everybody jump up and down with delight....but for me it is exciting. I have been going around town picking up my supplies so that I can create all sorts of simplistic finery that is my personal specialty. Eventually I suppose I might get back into quilting and teaching classes if things go well, but for now that seems a bit to overwhelming for me to swallow. The simplest things have me hooked up right now....namely how do I package my wares and what sort of signature "title" do I give them? I know big decisions. You can laugh, but it really has me stumped.

3) I have been telling myself that I would hold off and not announce this until I was completely finished...but I can't hold off tooting my horn of excitement just a tiny bit. The announcement is.....I HAVE BEEN LOSING WEIGHT. Is that really worthy of an announcement? Well for me it is. For the past 14 years or so, I have gone up and down on the scales. The outcome has made me miserable and loss of self esteem has always been a factor. For too many years I have had a relationship with food. It has been my comforter in times of stress, emotion, tension, and boredom.

A couple of months ago, actually if you remember it was the same time that I got mysteriously sick, I started watching my food intake. I am not sure what mental switch has been flipped inside my head, but now taking care of my body has become very important to me. Those carbs are not calling in magical song to me anymore and it is very easy for me to turn any foods down.

So I just have to say that I am feeling the beginnings of victory.

(Nominated for a mention on David's post of the day. Wow my fast paced craziness made someone smile.)

Daily Generalities....

It has been a whirlwind of a few days for me. There is nothing incredibly important or thought provoking to write about. Instead, it is just a sort of re-cap for my own mental purposes.

-----Our oldest daughter and her boyfriend came into town for a couple of days over the weekend. It was really nice to have them around and truly the easiest things have been in quite a long time. Years ago, when my husband and I first got married, he had 3 children already. The oldest happened to be only 9 years younger than me. She was 9 years old and I was...do the math....18 years old. I know that must sound so strange and give some people the shivers. It worked for us though and that is all that matters.

When she was little like that, it was all so easy. I was the coolest thing next to pop rocks and Michael Jackson. But when her teen years came, things subtly changed. No, there was never a rebellion or an outburst declaring I didn't belong or matter. Instead it was a quiet dismissive-ness. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things but others noticed too.
I chose to keep quiet and let time tell its truth though I am sure I didn't get it right all the time. After all, no one ever does.
Now, at age 27, she shows a little bit more with each visit that I just might have a bit of her heart. It was a good visit.

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-----Saturday found me doing the volunteering that I was so ready to walk away from just a short time ago. Confession: I am not ready to walk away. I so very much enjoyed being able to help people thru their tragedies. That must sound awful and confusing. Sure I found myself fighting back tears with one client but it is empowering. Maybe this will help....

We all find ourselves in situations where we know of or see someone in crisis. We want to be able to help, to fix it, to take away their pain. But it is not possible to simply erase life in all of its tragic turns. However, being trained to understand grief and the human emotion gives me an edge. To give a person the opportunity to express their lives and hearts in the dirty pain that they are in and have them know it can totally be about them and nothing else....is freeing.

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-----In between calls, I was able to do some card making. My supply of "been thinking of you" cards were dwindling so I used the opportunity to build up my stock a bit. Here are a few things I came up with...

-----Sunday was filled with the fun of church and afternoon visiting with friends. The bummer part was that I got hit with a super mega migraine. Smells, food, light, movement....they were all my arch enemy as I slowly drove the girls and I home. I have no idea where it came from but I can still feel the residual affects of it 2 days later.

It gives me this thought.....If I had a friend that worked as a masseuse, I would completely abuse and take advantage of our relationship.

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-----Yesterday found me once again so grateful for my girls. Not that I am ever NOT grateful for them and I am sure I talk about them so much that it gives all the complex that they walk on water or something. I just love my girls and there is no shame in that.

They had a few dollars burning a hole in their pockets and wanted to go to the local clothing store to see about new jeans. while they encouraged each other in their mini shopping spree, I slowly walked around seeing but not really looking at things. Once their precious items were found and paid for, I asked them if they would mind going to the park with me for a quick walk. Semi-grudgingly they agreed.....probably torn between knowing their favorite shows were coming on and because that were worried about me fainting on the trail or something with the previous day's waves still hitting me occasionally.

They ended up being so taken by the park. They ran ahead of me and then back to me just like they did when they were toddlers. they talked a mile a minute and snapped pictures of each other in goofiness as they giggled away. (keep in mind that they are 14 and 16) They jumped on the swings and laid their heads back as they tried in vain to touch their toes to the clouds above. They tackled the mini zip line and performed mock gymnastic moves on the balance beam.

As I sat there watching them and smiling, I noticed another group of teens on the other side of the firs. They sat with drinks, smokes, and profanities rolling. They absently blew off a parent that had brought a needed bag to one of the members.

It broke my heart.

Again, I am grateful.