Father God, these failing emotions of mine are driving me crazy with inconsistency. How is it that once I was so stable and calm in any situation but now the slightest thing makes me feel like a fragile sapling in a torrential storm? I can be so steady for a handful of days and feel completely normal and then the smallest thing causes me to unleash with fiery anger or tears that make it hard to stand.
Yesterday started out so good. It was to compliment a whole string of good days that were in my pocket of memories. Then one person asked me how I was really doing and tears, fears, and doubts came out of nowhere like a starting gun had been shot at a horse race. Then again today was a good day with accomplishments and and joys. But a simple and logical disagreement with the corner "photos in an hour guy" brought out a nasty-ugly-sassy side of me that really needed a slap of consequence.
God I thank you that even now you love me. The song is constantly going through my mind in auto repeat.....
I knew what I was getting into when I called you.
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name and I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I am not shocked by your weakness.
I am not shocked by your brokenness.
For I knew what I was getting into and I still love you.
I thank You God that your promises are a strong anchor, that everything is a season, that this too will change, that I am not alone, that You carry me, and that each day is new.