Wednesday, March 24, 2010
This is day 4 of me being back and it still feels strange. It is more than a simple 2 hour time change. It is me learning to let go of certain responsibilities while catching hold of other ones.
Sunday morning I was still foggy from my late night flight but I relished the idea of being at church. With flying in at 11pm the night before and visiting with my family, I didn't think I would jump up and attend first thing in the morning but my sweet Puddin' was on drums and I just HAD to go cheer her on. I hugged as many people as possible in between songs and completely let myself go in the freedom atmosphere and like minded thinking that I had been missing.
Before I even recognised that I would really wrestle with it, God told me that this is a transition time for me. It is a time to trust and know that Daddy is in His hands. It is a time for me to let go and focus on what is in store for me here. I cried and thought, "Ok I can do this" as I cleared away mentally.
But now I find myself swinging back and forth violently with quiet emotions that scream to be in check. I do great until I hear from my cousin or step-sister and then I want to rush back over and fix everything. But now is not that season. Now is the season for them to band together and work their system. Now is a waiting time for Daddy to build up his strength and remember that he can still do some things for himself. Waiting is hard and not knowing what the next step is for 2 more months is agony but they must focus and concentrate on the now.
I wrote a 3 page list of To-Do things every day to help them along. Most of it is doggy medicines and Daddy medicines. They have split the days into "shifts" so that Daddy has the encouragement around whenever he has question about anything. I think that was a really good idea for them to do it that way. Then it is not too much on any one person.
Here, I have unpacked and have begun cleaning the different rooms of our home. Of course Hubby and girls did things while I was gone but it makes me feel more here to have my hand in it too....and things just need a mom's touch. This week is Spring Break from school so all of my "extended" children have been going nuts. Yesterday we started getting the phone calls that said, "I want to respect your time with just getting home but I am really missing you and missing being at your house. Could I please come over?" Too funny. There were 11 around the dinner table last night with 2 more that popped in just to say hi and not eat.
Next week will be time to encourage Puddin' with school, get Pippin on track with college an/or job, and put my head on straight with Children's Ministry. Btu this week is about fun, settling in, and finding my niche again.
I thank you God for special times, for my understanding family, and that You have Your hands everywhere protecting and encouraging my dad.
Have a blessed day!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Daddy is well enough now that I am confident he can take care of himself with family checking in on him for encouragement. I doubt he will follow his care regime the same way I have but that is okay. Still, I don't want to leave him. I don't want to leave because he is my daddy.......he is my daddy and I feel like such the small little girl that never wants to leave her daddy's embrace. But I miss my family so very much. It hurts so very much.
I have started my preparations to leave list.....cleaned the house, scrubbed the bathrooms, all the dogs went to the groomers, re-stocking the pantry, and I walk in my room to look at my suitcase but then turn and leave again.
We have accomplished things like getting an eye exam and new glasses for Daddy. I bought an anti-barker device for the dogs, gone through old pictures, made copies of old family recipe books, and visited Daddy's work crew that he was in charge of where he worked as a nuclear/x-ray technician.
Last Saturday my cousin wanted to take us out for a special dinner as a means of "yeah chemo is over/bon voyage for me". We ended up at The Melting Pot. Oh wow! Talk about celebration. I have been to a fondue restaurant twice before and knew what to expect but goodness it was a wonderful evening. I took pictures so that you could have a glimpse. My cell phone takes horrid indoor shots but it still conveys the overall idea.
Our appetizer fondue was bowls of breads, veggies, and apples that we dipped in a pot of mild white cheeses with spinach and artichokes. I was completely full with that and the amazing Cesar salad but that was just the beginning. Below is a picture of our main course platters that we skewered and cooked in seasoned broth fondue pots. Two different platters held an array of lobster, shrimp, ravioli, steak, sausage, and chicken.
It took lots of stories and laughter for us to empty those plates as we tried to time our cooking by our cell phones. We were definitely a bunch of silly beans. Daddy ate very well. I wasn't sure how he would do but he cut up his food into small bite and enjoyed more than we all imagined he could eat. He proclaimed that he hadn't eaten that much in 3 months total. We were so excited to see him be able to really swallow and enjoy.
By the time we cleaned away the main course platters we could have rolled out the doors but dessert was still on its way. Oh my! With choices of cheesecake, bananas, strawberries, pound cake, rice crispies, brownies, and marshmallows to dip in such sweet melted goodness.....how can one resist?
Once when Daddy left the table for a few minutes, I shared with our server that Daddy had just finished his last chemo treatment and this was his first major meal. I thanked him for making it so special and blessed evening for us. Our server just about dropped the plates he was holding and his eyes misted over with tears. He said that he was a professional opera singer and had left the circuit over the summer because his dad was undergoing cancer treatment. He smiled, "You don't know what this means to me. It is so encouraging to see you all here celebrating with joy and witness the enthusiasm of your dad. Thank you....thank you for telling me that. You have made my day."
It makes me wonder.....is cancer so rampant that it seems everyone I meet has dealt with it in one way or another. Or is it that God is purposing our steps to cross and lift each other up in understanding agreement. I think it is both. And I think that I weigh heavily on the side of God. He is so amazing to know what we need and when we need it.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The walk was to raise money as an emergency fund for the employees of the hospital she works at. I thought it was a great idea and a fun way for everyone to come together focusing on health and encouragement.
After the walk we hung out around Breckenridge Park for a bit enjoying the scenery. It really is a pretty area. I imagined what it would look like in the later spring with everything in bloom.
This week has been quiet. I have tried to keep Daddy ahead on his medicines so that we can stay away from the big chemo crashes. His energy seems to be picking up a bit now. He is awake and alert enough that he feels restless and is tired of sitting around. But the nausea keeps hanging around threatening to run the show. I am praying for that to leave soon and I keep encouraging him that it is simply more junk that his body is getting rid of for good.
Even though he is nauseated, he is adamant that smells don't bother him. Because of that, I have started cooking up a few of his childhood favorites and am freezing them in single serving containers. By the time I leave here in a week and a half, he will be ready to start dabbling with food tastes again. I am thinking that having yummy things ready in the freezer will help him along. He will still be on the feeding pump for a good while yet but it will encourage him to be able to swallow and dabble with tastes that he enjoys.
As always I could find several more things to talk about but I should get going. This has taken me a couple of hours and several doggie mediator trips.
Have a blessed and wonderful week!