Tuesday, September 23, 2008
But even with all of those things surrounding my thoughts, today didn't seem real. Thoughts kept going through my head questioning why I was doing things.
* "Why am I scrubbing the bathroom even though I did it two days ago? Oh yeah. My dad is coming in today."
* "Why do I keep looking at the clock like I have to be somewhere? Oh yeah. My dad is coming in today."
* "Why do I keep checking to make sure the bedroom is just so? Oh yeah. It is because my dad is coming in today."
It didn't hit me completely even as I drove around the airport 4 times trying to figure out the signage with all of the construction. It wasn't until I stood in the terminal and looked into each face that walked by that I realized fully....my dad is coming in today.
The minutes went by and I fought back the panic that said "What if I missed him? What if he walked by while I was looking at the arrival screen? What if....What if...What if.....?"
Then he was there with his signature walk and sporting a new 'handle bar' addition to his moustache. I hugged him and couldn't let go.
We visited with my brother over coffee at the local diner and then came home for left over spaghetti and conversation.
It has been a bit awkward. We are both nervous.
It was quiet tonight and everyone else was in bed but the two of us. Then of his own doing, he swung the conversation around to our relationship. He said, "I have so many regrets and there are so many things that I wish I could undo with not being there for you for so many years. I can't fix the past. All I can do is hope to make up for things now."
How many times I have played out a conversation like this in my head. How many responses I have written over the years in my mind. But now.......I couldn't speak. I couldn't say yes or no, you are right or I forgive you, the past is is past and we are moving forward........................
I couldn't even move.
We hugged goodnight and again couldn't let go for a long time.
Will I even sleep tonight?
(I am humbly honored that David at Authorblog awarded this post as Post of the Day.)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I have heard that question a lot this week and I have answered it truthfully each time. That can be harder than you think. It is all too easy to say, "I am fine" or "Good" and not give it time to sink in and be real. I tend to use those pat answers because I don't want to "burden anyone with my woes". But this week I decided that people wouldn't ask unless they really wanted to know.
Of course I am careful to keep my answers short and not give the listener more than they bargained for.
That makes me smile. It reminds me of being on the flip side. Being on the long listening end of a story after I ask the question, "How are you?" happens to me a lot. I enjoy it. I like letting people know that someone cares and many times it is obvious that I am the only one who has asked them in quite a while. My husband laughs because invariably I will get into a conversation with the person at the check out register about their day, their limp, sprained wrist, bad attitude, recent car accident.....or a myriad of other stories. He has stopped asking me, "where do you know them from?" because the answer is usually the fact that I just met them in that 5 minute time frame. You name it and I have heard it. I once even had someone confess to me that she had cracked her ribs while ....being intimate.
I am told I just have one of those faces that say it is okay to spill your life and I will listen.
Many times someone will stop me in a store and ask where something is as if I work there. Do I explain that I am a shopper too? No. You can shake your head but I usually figure out where the item or place is and help them find it.
I have no idea where I am going with this or why I started sharing it.
I actually sat down to say that it has been a busy weekend.
My dad flies in on Tuesday ...........
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I am now into the 3rd week of the girls going to school and me having a lump of time on my hands. I had imagined that I would stand in my house alone, evaluate my day and choices, and then choose something constructive or adventurous to do with my time.
That hasn't happened yet.
Instead I get to the end of my alone time and find I have done nothing at all. The mindless TV has been my companion. All of the house cleaning that I never had time to do before and figured I would attack with zeal......nothing. If it wasn't for the joy of my dad flying in from Texas next week I don't think I would even want to scrub the bathrooms.
I know I am in a transition. This mindless numb feeling will shake off.
I did have a glimmer during my walk yesterday. (hey I am up to 5 miles now)
Instead of rhythmically stepping with an a mind full of emptiness, I did notice a few things and began to compose slivers of thoughts in my head about my walk.
I noticed the smell of fall in the air. I enjoyed the sun in the sky doing it's job, warming the earth and air from a crisp 53 degrees to 74 degrees in a matter of 80 minutes. I recognized that there are many different types of people using the trails along side of me. I saw moms with running strollers, business men biking to work with their suits on, seriously dedicated exercisers, and casual walkers with their Starbucks mocha cup in hand. Cottontails hopped in and out of the trail while morning birds called out their tributes. I even saw a doe with her fawn having breakfast under a tree.
God is good, life continues, and even this season will pass for me. Before I know it, I will be back in a groove and being productive.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
I couldn't resit putting up a couple of pictures of our dear friends.
Left to right is Lilly, myself, and Mary. These wonderful ladies are precious sisters
and always full of so much infectious joy.
Mary first became a part of our family years ago when she and my mom
met and attended school together in Japan.
We are so grateful to have them in our lives.
Our last waterfall of the day was to visit Multnomah Falls. We shot some pictures, gasped and awed and the splendor, and then sat down for well deserved ice cream cones.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
After home schooling for 12 years, it is now day 2 of my girls being in high school full time.
How do I feel? That is a good question. A question that I don't know if I am ready to answer.
I believe whole heartedly that even though it is a very overwhelming adjustment for them...they will be just fine. Adapting to crowded halls, angst teens, and multi tasking schedules is all part of the "right of passage" to growing up. In a short amount of time, those crazy schedules will be old hat to them and they will know all the secret short cuts around what I am told is the biggest school in Oregon.
As for me.....I am getting my walking in (I did 4 miles this morning) so that feels good. I was able to blog visit today and that is an accomplishment. And I am doing little projects around the house.
But I don't feel that I am really here. It is like I am not thinking and just watching me next to myself.
It will take me a while.
It is funny because I have a few well intentioned friends that have posed the thought, "Hey now that you have all this free time we can go for coffee, lunch, shopping, you can volunteer for this, and I need...........blah blah blah.
I have skirted around it all and not committed to a single thing. I don't want to be busy. I don't want to obligate to anything. I don't want someone else to plan my time. I know that I will eventually become busy...but those are my choices to make.
Don't worry. I am not angry. I just feel a small voice rising in my as I write this wanting to say, "Tout le monde!" (is that right Kitem?)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Two weekends ago my hubby and I figured that we had better get in one more exploration hike before the weather changes and our fall schedules try to run amok. Our goal was a small little lake up on Mt. Hood called Mirror Lake. The weather was perfect and the scenery was breath taking. Here are just a couple of the shots that I took that day.
Amazing! We walked all the way around the lake. Along the way we came across many people with their dogs going for a swim. There were also lots of people harvesting bucket loads of crawdads for their dinner.
Monday, September 1, 2008
I have so enjoyed being around our dear friends from Hawaii. We have shopped, hiked, taken in the sights, and eaten until we couldn't even move from the table.
My husband laughs at me whenever we all get together because I am a sort of ...well chameleon I guess.
What do I mean by that? Well, when I am around our Oregon friends....I speak carefully in dialect. However when I get on the phone with my father in Texas....instantly my southern drawl comes out. Funny, I can feel it even as I type these words. But even more so, the change that comes over me when I get around the table with my family and our Japanese/Portuguese/Hawaiian heritage leaks everywhere as we talk stories......."oh bradda my English get all broke up wit island slang and da kine talk".
Last week after church we all got together for Dim Sum left overs around the dinning room table. Oh it was all so "ono" (good beyond belief). I grabbed my hubby's cell phone to shoot a couple of food shots before we ate it all.
With Hawaii being such a melting pot of culture and diversity, we have ended up having multiple names for many of the foods that we like to eat.
There is something that we all love that we have always called "ricee". It is a sponge type sweet cake that is steamed and strongly resembles white rice hard pressed together. I could eat it all day long and be so happy. After much research I have just discovered that it is really called Pak Tong Koh. It has taken me a few days to look around online but I have found some recipes that look easy and promising. Maybe after playing around a bit with the recipes I can get it to look something like the picture below.
Another favorite of mine. In Hawaii we can it Manapua but many also know it by the name Humbou (I know I am not spelling that right). It is a sweetened steamed bread with a pork meat filling on the inside. Again I could eat THIS all day and be so happy.
This was new to me. It is a fried Ponko batter on the outside and taro root on the inside. It was very good and the warm taro coated my tummy nicely.
Taro root always makes me smile. When I was a baby, I was very small at 4 pounds 9 ounces. We were stationed in Tachikawa, Japan and then later in South Dakota during those small times for me. As soon as the doctor said I could have food, my mom had Nana ship over boxes of jars of poi for me to eat and build up my strength. How I wish it wasn't such a precious Hawaiian commodity. Even today at 37 years old, I still have times when I crave a nice thick bowl of poi to fill my tummy.