~~~~~
My brother also saw his doctor and the news is not good. Instead of the 4 breaks healing on their own, his collar bone is much worse than when it first broke. Tomorrow morning he will see a surgeon and will hopefully be on the book schedule by the end of the day for a surgery date. He is frustrated but is trying hard to look at the positive side of things. I just don't understand why surgery wasn't the plan in the beginning and he was sent home with only tape around his shoulder for stability.
~~~~~
I have to confess that I am really enjoying this time of being alone. It is so funny how things come full swing. I remember it wasn't so very long ago that I was scared to have any time alone. Now I am relishing in it. Of course I love having all my girls around. I love the giggles and humorous conspiring over various situations as we all mesh together in personality and love. I love giggling with my little Angel-girl and remembering what it is like to look at the world through the eyes of untainted innocence.
But having time alone these past few weeks while my brother is laid up honestly has been really nice as well. Today, Icca was at work, Puddin' at school, Pippin in Seattle for a couple of days and hubby at work. The house was mine for a full day. I was able to do whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted and I really liked it. I played my music and worked on computer stuff without interruption and without fear of making bothersome noises. I completed all of my tasks and errands and still had time to put my feet up and re-charge my brain.
I am not complaining. Each day and season is valid and important all on its own. I just wanted to take a minute and acknowledge that I recognize the differences.
~~~~~
Speaking of differences, I was thinking today about how reaching out to others makes such a difference in the lives of everyone involved. As Puddin' and I were driving home from school today, a hand reached out from the driver's window of the school bus in front of us and frantically waved a big hello for us to see. It took us a second to realize it was Puddin' old bus driver.
He is a sweet older guy with a tough attitude but always made sure my girl was safe during the 2 years she rode his bus. If I was stuck in traffic and not waiting in my car when he pulled up to the bus stop, he would figure out dawdling reasons for Puddin' to wait in the bus until I got there so she wouldn't be alone. I was always so appreciative of that because it was a scary part of the neighborhood where she was let off. A few times I made cookies for him and every now and again slipped him a thank you card just for being kind.
It has been well over a year since he was her bus driver and something like a million other kids have passed through his care. But he remembered us today and picked us out of a crowd of cars on the street (and me with a new car to boot).
It really made me think about actions and attitude. I knew back when I made those cookies and wrote those cards that I was doing something to bless and honor him. That was my purpose. But those small gestures must have not been so very small to him. You just never know how much change you can affect in some one's life until you reach out and try.
~~~~~
The other thing I had on my mind tonight while doing the dishes was Daddy.
I have gotten to where I can now look at the pictures of him around the house and smile for real. I can hug little Conguito and not feel remorse that Daddy can't see his antics. I can talk about spending almost a year in Texas caring for him without my voice changing or thoughts wandering. Occasionally I get a whisper of grief in my thoughts that says shame on me for being able to move on so soon. But that is so not true. I am able to move on and be happy because I know all that God did for us that whole time and I know without doubt that I will see him again
But tonight, for some reason as I was doing dishes, all of a sudden I was back in the room after he took his last breath, looking at him and holding him.....but not quite being able to see him and feel him. I was startled to find that I couldn't remember or see all of the details like I once did. I know that time heals hearts and I know that those images are not the ones I choose to dwell on anyway. But I have to think just a little bit harder about his laugh, his voice, his smile.
I don't really know what I think about that just yet.
Have a peaceful night of sleep and a blessed week.
Congratulations on your new granddaughter. My grandchildren give me such great joy.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time that I couldn't fully picture a certain memory of my Dad and I remember feeling guilty that I had not given him a thought in several days. I later read Corrie Ten Boon's "The Hiding Place" where she and her father are at the train station and she keeps after him about giving her the ticket. He finally gave her the ticket just when she needed it. I felt like God was giving me the strength just when I needed it to deal with my father's death - one day at a time. God Bless you on your new journey with your granddaughter and with moving ahead while your heart is healing from the loss of your father.
Congratulations on your beautiful granddaughter! So precious! As my boys get older, I get a little more time home alone - and I so love the silence or the sound of classical music lightly playing. The stillness gives me a little peace. I remember about 5 years ago my husband took them up to see his mom and I had a ton of college comp essays to grade so I stayed home. I almost did not know how to funcition in the quiet!
ReplyDeleteIt's been a year since my FIL died. We so miss him. I look at some of my nephews and one has his walk, another has his sense of humor - and we all talk politics because he so loved doing that. So bittersweet.
Glad I stopped by!