Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The Things I Do......
I have written a couple of times on my struggles with talking myself through cello practice. No matter how much I talk myself along with being at peace, enjoying my time and doing all things in a place of contentedness with God; I still find myself cringing and getting so tense with each wrong note, each scratch of the bow along string like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. My family proclaims the encouraging, "Wow you are really progressing!" while I tell myself they are just saying that because they have to and each note must be making them hold their breath wishing they were some place else.
Despite those struggles, I think I have truly hit a changing point and I am so excited at the shift in perspective.
Where did the change come from? During Sunday evening service, our worship leader shared a God inspired image that made me feel like it was God singling me out in the crowd and reading my mind.
She said it is so amazing that we get to make music for God. God has the perfection of heaven all around Him. He hears melodies and harmonies of angel choirs and the resounding of all creation singing His praise. There are music notes, combinations of sounds and chords that we haven't even discovered and could never duplicate here on earth. It is like all of that is the grandest symphony ever being played in a gorgeous concert hall. It's a black tie affair and everything sparkles of crystal. And here we come in procession to share our talents, the likeness of a 1st grade Christmas program with bells and triangles in hand.
It conjures up images in my head of memories experienced that I have been to in supporting my children. I mouth each song along with them, tap my foot to each percussion succession, move in my seat to each dance step and shine with pride as if my children are the only ones performing. My pride swells no matter if they miss a beat or not. I clap for them and it is all considered beauty because they did it. They did what was on their hearts and shared with courage.
He is surrounded by such amazing beauty; yet none of that matters when we offer what we can. He sits on the edge of His seat. He silences everything around Him and with the great pride of being Papa says, "Wait a minute. I want to hear this. Look, she is doing this for Me. I put that passion and desire in her to make her delight. See her use it and it makes her smile. That is one of my many gifts to her and it brings Me joy."
Even now as I write this, I am tearing up and feeling tension leave me. I felt I made great progress in yesterday's practice. I didn't get frustrated. I didn't let the pride of perfection take a stand over joy. I lost myself for a time instead of watching the clock for freedom. I am looking forward to the last sleepy person waking up today so that I can practice more.
Do you know that those things we put ourselves down for, He wants us to jump up and down with in delight? The things we are learning and secretly pushing ourselves forward in, we have that desire because He placed it there to bless us. Don't hide your giftings. No matter what it is that you want to pursue; be it learning to organize, taking on a language, becoming a master chef, going back to school, riding a horse or even jumping out of a perfectly good airplane; those desires are there to encourage and stretch you because He wants you to live in His joy. Your desire to write a book, speak in front of a crowd, share His love with people who are under the impression they are unlovable; these are all His gifts to you.
Thank You God for Your encouragement, Your joy, Your perfect delight in us.Thank You for Your gifts and that You are always wanting us to increase in all we do.