Love In The Cobwebs...

I was digging through an old box last night. It's a square foot locker type of box that was given to me when I was a young teen. Throughout high school, I had placed all sorts of trinkets, mementoes, love letters, and pictures into it. I don't know what drew me to move things around in the closet and fish it out. Maybe it was that I had the time to do it. My husband was out of town for work and the three kids were in the living room watching tv. Maybe the news of my upcoming 20 year high school reunion, that I refuse to attend, made me a bit melancholy.

As I was looking through it all last night, some of it made me smile...like the squished and dry corsage from my first prom. Some of it made me shudder...like an envelope of drawings from a old psychotic-stalker boyfriend (no really he was quite scary and threatening). Then some of it puzzled me as to the significance. You know, those things that we think we will always remember and then don't because we mature and life goes on.

Amongst all the memories and dusty cobwebs, I found this card (pictured above). I don't recall when or where I became the owner of it. The small copyright in the bottom left corner has a date of 1982. According to that date, that would place me at 11 years of age. Other circumstances and memories though, tell me that it came into my possession later in life. On the backside of this card is a small stamped price of 49 cents. In the middle of the card, I recognize my high school handwriting. It was a small and delicate script that I had an admitted personal pride over. (I certainly don't take the time to write in such a way these days.)

I had written in light pencil, maybe so it would not be readily noticeable to whomever came into my room, a list of 5 names from my high school life.

1. an old boyfriend. Actually, the first that I thought I was forever in love with. We dated for 2 whole years. It seemed like an eternity to my young ideals. I ended it when he said he had met a new girl and after knowing her for 7 days, he couldn't decide who he loved more...her or me. I told him I would be glad to solve his dilemma and never spoke to him again.
2. names two and three were a couple of friends that I idolized. As high school sweethearts they were convinced that as soon as school and civil law would allow them, they would be married and their love would feed and clothe their family and hold them together through any trial the world threw their way. As a group we all worshiped how perfect their relationship seemed to be. We even all met out in on the back cross-country track one day and performed a mock wedding ceremony for them just to see the stars shine in their eyes.
3. a cousin that lived close by. For some reason there was always a love/hate rivalry between us. Things were always really good or really bad and it killed me. We were family after all.
4. the last name was my mom. As some stories can go, I was a teen that created lots of waves in the home while I was trying to figure out who in the world I was going to be on a day to day and hour by hour basis. Even still, my earlier up bringing had taught me to always be aware of how others were feeling. So, despite my desire to want to be a horrid selfish girl....I still saw the cyclone that I caused.

As an adult, those are the things that I remember now. What possessed me back then to create that list? Why were those the names that stuck out instead of others? I can't answer those questions because I am not that scared and unsure 15 year old girl any longer.

Since last night, this card has caught my attention several times. I like what it has to say. The characteristics of love keep striking a chord in me and it makes me smile.

• It reminds me of relationships that I have had the pleasure of having in the past and those that I do have now.
• It makes me think of what the future holds unbeknownst to me.
• As I read between the lines, I recognize the strength and faith that it takes to be a parent.
• The words themselves do not speak the name of God, but it's verse completely embodies the wonderful FATHER that I know and speak to every day.

I guess sometimes it is good to look back over the past.