Daily Generalities....

It has been a whirlwind of a few days for me. There is nothing incredibly important or thought provoking to write about. Instead, it is just a sort of re-cap for my own mental purposes.

-----Our oldest daughter and her boyfriend came into town for a couple of days over the weekend. It was really nice to have them around and truly the easiest things have been in quite a long time. Years ago, when my husband and I first got married, he had 3 children already. The oldest happened to be only 9 years younger than me. She was 9 years old and I was...do the math....18 years old. I know that must sound so strange and give some people the shivers. It worked for us though and that is all that matters.

When she was little like that, it was all so easy. I was the coolest thing next to pop rocks and Michael Jackson. But when her teen years came, things subtly changed. No, there was never a rebellion or an outburst declaring I didn't belong or matter. Instead it was a quiet dismissive-ness. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things but others noticed too.
I chose to keep quiet and let time tell its truth though I am sure I didn't get it right all the time. After all, no one ever does.
Now, at age 27, she shows a little bit more with each visit that I just might have a bit of her heart. It was a good visit.

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-----Saturday found me doing the volunteering that I was so ready to walk away from just a short time ago. Confession: I am not ready to walk away. I so very much enjoyed being able to help people thru their tragedies. That must sound awful and confusing. Sure I found myself fighting back tears with one client but it is empowering. Maybe this will help....

We all find ourselves in situations where we know of or see someone in crisis. We want to be able to help, to fix it, to take away their pain. But it is not possible to simply erase life in all of its tragic turns. However, being trained to understand grief and the human emotion gives me an edge. To give a person the opportunity to express their lives and hearts in the dirty pain that they are in and have them know it can totally be about them and nothing else....is freeing.

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-----In between calls, I was able to do some card making. My supply of "been thinking of you" cards were dwindling so I used the opportunity to build up my stock a bit. Here are a few things I came up with...

-----Sunday was filled with the fun of church and afternoon visiting with friends. The bummer part was that I got hit with a super mega migraine. Smells, food, light, movement....they were all my arch enemy as I slowly drove the girls and I home. I have no idea where it came from but I can still feel the residual affects of it 2 days later.

It gives me this thought.....If I had a friend that worked as a masseuse, I would completely abuse and take advantage of our relationship.

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-----Yesterday found me once again so grateful for my girls. Not that I am ever NOT grateful for them and I am sure I talk about them so much that it gives all the complex that they walk on water or something. I just love my girls and there is no shame in that.

They had a few dollars burning a hole in their pockets and wanted to go to the local clothing store to see about new jeans. while they encouraged each other in their mini shopping spree, I slowly walked around seeing but not really looking at things. Once their precious items were found and paid for, I asked them if they would mind going to the park with me for a quick walk. Semi-grudgingly they agreed.....probably torn between knowing their favorite shows were coming on and because that were worried about me fainting on the trail or something with the previous day's waves still hitting me occasionally.

They ended up being so taken by the park. They ran ahead of me and then back to me just like they did when they were toddlers. they talked a mile a minute and snapped pictures of each other in goofiness as they giggled away. (keep in mind that they are 14 and 16) They jumped on the swings and laid their heads back as they tried in vain to touch their toes to the clouds above. They tackled the mini zip line and performed mock gymnastic moves on the balance beam.

As I sat there watching them and smiling, I noticed another group of teens on the other side of the firs. They sat with drinks, smokes, and profanities rolling. They absently blew off a parent that had brought a needed bag to one of the members.

It broke my heart.

Again, I am grateful.