October Days....

(Reader Warning: I let myself write and write until all the words left me. Grab some coffee and a snack before you settle in.)

It is a wonderfully rainy day today.
I love the rain and the beautiful grey skies of fall.
That must sound ridiculous to some, but it is the truth.

I love the smells and sights of autumn; the crackle of leaves, the smells of wood stoves warming, and the wind and rain dancing through the trees. I feel excitement at bringing out the sweaters from storage and throwing the mink blanket on the bed.

It has definitely been a month. Though the month is not up yet, I wanted to sit today and play some catchup with the thoughts rolling around in my head. The girls are all busy right now doing school or running errands for me so it is the perfect time for me to have the computer to myself.

Come take a stroll with me through October.

College Bound

Our church has just begun offering a college study program and I enrolled. Actually everyone in this house enrolled. We are so excited. It is a two year program that will take us on a journey of seeing more and more of what God calls us to be and do. We are plowing through the ideas of religion and how it relates to the Bible. In all actuality, it is shaped to look less like the typical bible college type of programs and more like a self growing and character building lifestyle change. Right now it is so hard for me to describe but let me just give a mind blowing example that I recently experienced here in hopes of relating what this program is like........


I have always read about the miracles in the Bible that Jesus did and thought general things about them. I mean, they were great and amazing. I have never walked on water, calmed a storm, or even raised someone from the dead. Jesus did them and it deserves the "Wow!" from the entire world.....but after all it was Jesus that did them. Of course they were miracles. It was Jesus, you know, the Son of God. Of course He could do them.
(I hope you can hear me in this. I don't mean anything bad in saying that.)

One of our study books is titled When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson. When I got into that book I realized that my understanding and thinking had been off in so many ways.
Here is what I am wrapping my brain around now......

• When Jesus came to walk the earth and became man, He gave up His power and became completely human. Okay I have heard that for some 20 years now.



• If Jesus gave up His power and became just like me then how did He do all of those miracles? Jesus did those amazing things because of His faith and belief in His Heavenly Father.

So when Jesus said "and greater than these you can do too......and with the faith of a mustard seed......." And when I know that He wrestled with all things human just like me......well this just puts it all into such a mind shift for me.

• That means that Jesus had to cast away fear, summon up his courage, and dare to believe that God declares good for His children, hears our prayers, and will act on our behalf.



• That means that it is so much more attainable for me to believe that little ole' me can make a difference, that my prayers are spiritual weapons when coupled with belief and faith.

20 Years and Counting

October 14th was our 20 year anniversary.



It feels nothing like what I envisioned it would feel like to get to this point.
Why do I say that? Of course we have had our ups and downs like everyone else but we are happy. I think that when we look ahead and imagine a place we haven't stepped into yet, we simply don't picture the other things around it. I guess that is why I had a surreal moment when looking at the calendar.

The reality is that life happens every day and we are living in the middle of it and loving each step.


Our night on the town.......
Years ago, we had been blessed with a sizable gift certificate for a fancy steak house here in town. I had placed them in a safe place and .....yeah....couldn't find them until now. That is okay. It was the perfect way to celebrate. This restaurant is actually one of the top 10 in the nation and has so many awards that I gave up counting them.

The atmosphere was heavenly. the fireplace crackled as it's warm fingered images danced on wine glasses. It was quite a cozy setting. All of the staff wore tux attire and when we were seated, the waiter unfolded our linens and placed them in our laps for us. I know a statement like that must greatly show how much I don't hob-nob but I have only seen a gesture like that in the movies.

We both ordered Cesar salads which came out in a decorative presentation.........

Hubby ordered a steak....his favorite. I ordered the Herb Crusted Chicken with a baked potato.

It was all so amazingly tasty.

For dessert, I had the peach and blueberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream and Hubby had a chocolate silk pie. Both were heavenly and we gorged ourselves with all the goodness.

Angel's Wings

Angel-girl and my sister-in-law came to visit me a few days ago. It was such a treat!

That little niece of mine is now already 2 1/2 months old. she is holding her head up and trying so hard to coo. Her smiles make me warm all over and I simply cannot bear to put her down when she is in my arms.

The Corn Maze Craze

Amongst all of the fall festivities, one that brings me tons of smiles is to take our youth group on our annual maze craze. There is a huge farm here in town that makes a challenging maze. They change it every year with new themes, twists, and surprises. Here is this year's maze......

The corn stands higher than the tallest man and is the perfect place to have races and man hunts. Our group went through once to get a feel for the huge maze and then they came over to the table I had set up for snacks and cocoa.

Already covered in mud from a week of rain, they began to plan strategies on how to best one another as the sun went down. If you asked them, they would be quick to tell you that the best way to enjoy a maze is to try and find your way through it after dark.

They played well into the evening and were so filled with mud (and fun memories) that they weren't allowed in our vehicles until they covered themselves in plastic bags.

What I Believe

A few night's ago, I received a call from my daddy. He asked how we were doing and I began a run down on all of our happenings. Shortly into the conversation though, I could tell that was not his purpose for calling and I asked him what was wrong.

He spun a story of not feeling right the past few months and various doctor visits that ended with a diagnosis....esophageal cancer. I asked my questions, put my best foot forward in saying positive things and getting information on what steps will happen over the next few months, and we said we would be talking soon. Then I crumpled after hanging up the phone.

Half of me wanted to stand firm and yell in the devil's face and shake my fist at him to let him know he would not play here. I actually envisioned myself standing over my dad, straddling my territory and declaring war. But then the other half of me was a little girl curled up under the table and holding an imaginary pillow. I fought back the panic of knowing we have only just begun to build our relationship and there is so much more for us to enjoy with each other.

Then I would scold myself for thinking dark thoughts and stand to fight again.

The seesaw went back and forth as I called my mom, my brother, and then our prayer circle.

My brother and I numbly shared our thoughts with one another about the mortality of our parents. It is such a hard concept that the most well intentioned shoulders of comfort can only imagine until actually wearing those very shoes. I know. I've been there. As with just about every one else on the planet, I have had friends and family who have had some sort of experience with death and with cancer, and good grief how we have been taught to shrink back at that very word....the dreaded C word.

Friends who have battled and won over cancer talk about our society's quirks with cancer. You can mention any other sickness in the world and people are fine but if you say you have cancer.....they shrink back as if you are already dead and they might contract it if they accidentally touch you. I know one girl that tells people her cancer scar was a shark bite simply because she feels bad for people in the torture they put themselves through.

It is a disease that can be fought and won just like anything else. And millions of people are victorious over that battle. And yet there I sat already thinking of my dad with one foot in the grave.

I told myself that I had seen miracles, been part of miracles, and experienced miracles. As I had been learning in my class studies, I thought about God's goodness and about my right to pray, to declare victory. But then the thought would creep in....what if I haven't learned enough? What if I don't pray right? If he dies then I failed.

Oh how our thoughts can lie to us.

It has taken me a few days to get my head on straight, but here is what I now know........

• I am a fixer.


• I can't fix this.


• It is my right to pray.


• It is my duty to pray.


• It is God's job to heal.

I keep thinking about something I experienced years ago when my youngest step son was in the hospital. He had been born with many physical challenges and had the first of many surgeries when he was only 4 days old. Not expected to live to the age of 2 years....there we sat nearing his 15th birthday and it seemed his body was finally giving up the fight. We had all been through years of ups and downs, battles with the ex-wife, the drama of this little boy's body being strong and then back tracking 5 steps.

Our pastor was with us and I dared to ask.....When is it okay to not contend? How can we even know what to pray anymore? Is it fair to pray healing? What is God's will?
For years since then PJ's answer has encouraged me through so many different types of situations.

He sighed that painful sigh that I thought was reminiscent of the hard burdens of counsel and pastor must bear. Then he said, "I know it is hard and we can't even pretend to know God's will. But here is what we do know. Since God is in control of all things and since for the moment God is choosing for this boy to breathe....then that is our signal that we are to contend. If things change and he passes on then that is our signal to change our prayers to that of thanksgiving. But as long as God shows opportunity of hope then we contend and press forward no matter what."

So here I am standing and pressing forward. I have a renewed hope. I am assured that my Heavenly Father sees and knows and hears and has a plan for victory.

Blessings to you and your day.

Back At The Beach.....

Last weekend we took the youth group to visit Pippin at the coast. We had such a great time. The weather was perfect with a bit of clouds and breeze. There were only a few sprinkles throughout the day so everyone enjoyed the sand, beach combing, and shop browsing.

As soon as we got there and set up camp, everyone ran to the shoreline to get full of sand. A couple of people in the group are avid sand sculptors so they showed off their talents with these creations......

What day at the beach would be complete without burying your friends in the sand? These two guys were in a hole deep enough that they were standing in it! Then they had a race to see who could get out first....unassisted!

It was a group effort to dig this hole. These 6 people are sitting down in a hole that was shaped like the seating of a hot tub. See the cutie second in from the left? That is my Puddin'.

We were able to spend a full day with Pippin because she had the fortune of being off work that day. How perfect! When it was time to leave, it was so hard to say goodbye. Up until that point her stay there had felt not real because she knew we would be visiting with the youth group. But now, I don't have a projected return visit on the calendar.

Praise God we live in the 21st century with cell phone technology. I talk to her at least twice a day (usually she initiates the call) and we text back and forth throughout the day with comments and pictures of stuff in general.

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What else has been keeping me busy?

Well, it is that time of year where I am preparing all of the lesson plans for children's ministry. I just went to the copy store day before yesterday and ran off some 704 copies of things needed for my faithful teachers. That covers all the lesson between now and the end of December. Now everything is organized and filed, schedule assignments are ready for the next two months and I will pass out all of the new lesson plans this weekend.

I am desperately trying to really think things through and make sure all is in place because this time next week I will be returning home from a surgery and I am told it will take me a while to recuperate. It is not that no one else can do what I do. It is just that I tend to multi-task quite a bit and I wouldn't dare ask any one person to take over all of those things single handed. (I know...not very fair the way I threw the surgery thing in there. Sorry about that.)

Is it major surgery....yes. Is it life threatening.......no. Will I be better off once I have re-couped....definitely.

I am told that I will be in the hospital overnight and then I will want to sleep a lot the first couple of weeks. Re-coup time is projected to be 4-6 weeks. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that because I am not one for sitting still or letting others do things that I am capable of doing myself.

So I wanted you to know that because....

a) your prayers are always coveted

b) if I am not in the writing world for a bit you know why


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There has been tons of boy stuff going on here lately and I am getting quite skilled at sitting these young men down and firmly saying, "What are your intentions for my daughter?"

But after sharing that little tidbit, I will have to save the details for another time. Again not fair I know.

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I just had to share these with you.

Usually when I return from the grocery store, I come bearing some sort of toy for little Kekoa.....because he obviously doesn't have enough toys.

The quality of the videos are not great because it is just my cell phone but I think you will get the idea of how this goofy little fuzz ball keeps me smiling.

The Street Corner and My Heart......

(Warning: I am going to be expressing my personal view here. If you are wanting to read something light, today is not that day.)



Last Tuesday was April 21st. Amongst all of the daily things and special things, it happened to be the day that Ben and Jerry's was celebrating 31 years of business and consequently they were giving away free single scoop ice cream cones to all customers. It had been a warm day so when hubby got home, we all loaded up in my car to go and receive our fair share of sweet yummi-ness.

The closest Ben and Jerry's to us happened to be in a colorful and diverse part of Portland. It is the unique urban type of culture that inner Portland is known for. One can find a diversity of second hand shops, ethnic cuisine, and a variety of peoples that harmonize together. To use their given slang names that refers to their style; suits walk the same sidewalks as goths, homeless and fit cyclists wave to one another while granolas eye the artistic handiwork of struggling corner vendors.

As I sat on the (broken) bumper of my car with the petals of cherry blossoms dancing in the breeze, I enjoyed my chocolate fudge brownie cone and took in the scenes playing out in front of me. Like I tend to do a lot, my mind observed in blog post form, making a rough draft of my observations. But then I stopped myself and sighed. I was after all hot and tired from a day of errands and phone calls on the insurance claim to get things rolling on fixing my car. I just wanted to suck down my frozen treat and go home.

But now, days later, my mind keeps playing back in slow motion a scene I saw as I waited for my family to finish their treats.
On the corner in front of me, there was an young artist displaying her drawings. I walked over to take a look and found her talent to be quite good. Much of it was nude anime and same sex images so I didn't really personally care for it. But like I said, she had talent for sure. She had a huge welcoming smile, bottled black hair and matching black attire to complete the look. Her long hair was pulled back into two pig tails on top of her head, giving a fun an innocent air about her. She seemed confident in herself, brave in her singular attire, and ready to take on the world.

Directly in front of her was an entirely different type of person. A young man in jeans and a t-shirt stood in a way that blocked much of her display from passers-by. With a somber look on his face, he held up a sign in both hands for all to see. Truthfully, I did not read the sign. But I can imagine it said something to do with Christianity, sin, the coming of Christ, and /or the ending of the world as we know it. I imagine that because of the reactions he was getting. One pedestrian read the sign and held up a 2 thumbs up and then nodded his head in whole hearted agreement as he walked away. A couple of car loads of people then hung out their windows yelling, "Right on! Good for you! We are Christians too so we understand!"

It was about that time that Young Miss Artist peeked around his arms to see what he was proclaiming. She then walked back to her display area, looked at her companion and then broke into covered giggles with one hand on her mouth and the other wrapped around her waist.

I absently thought it was great that they could be so comfortable as to let each other stand in their own thing and not get into an argument of issues.

But now, I keep thinking about them, imagining their individual lifestyles, and feeling broken in my heart for them. I feel for her because she doesn't know the God of truth and love that I know. I feel for him because of the same thing. Let me explain........ For me it all pivots around Christianity and how a large percentage of the world views it today. I don't know if I can even adequately explain what I am thinking but I would like to try.

For that man, he was brave to stand there and give his opinion of conviction despite knowing that there would be fingers pointed and differences thrown back at him. And yet, I find that I could never do that myself. It is not because of the strength which I posses or do not posses. For me it is a question of what truly displays my active relationship with God and how I can make that a desire for others to want as well. I am not saying that He was entirely wrong to do what he was doing or even that I am so good as to know what is always right. I certainly have had and will continue to have my fair share of mistakes. But to wave around a concept of God that is entirely based on judgement......I just don't see how that could make anyone want to be a christian. Does anyone ever look a 'soap box preacher' in the eye and say, "Wow you are right and I have been so wrong. Please show me what to do to make things different."

The attitudes of the people that cheered him on and then went about their personal business.....what did they convey to the other people watching? Did they demonstrate any amount of unconditional love?

For the young female artist......how many times had she seen that kind of religion displayed? How many times had she had a finger of condemnation shaken in her face? While having an individual flare for fashion is fun, did she dress that way and draw that way so as to push away the fake people that don't want to do more than condemn? Is all of that unique style really just many layers of armor that say, "I dare you to take the time to find the real me. I dare you to stop 5 minutes of your busy self life and see what is in my heart. How could you possibly know what I feel or have lived through?"

How in the world do I put into words what I am feeling?

I think I want you to know that there is so much more to God than what was displayed on that street corner. I want you to know that if you have walked away from church and God because of attitudes thrown at you of judgement and condemnation......please don't give up. Those people were sincere in thinking they were doing right. The problem is that they were looking through the eyes of their own hurt instead of the eyes of God's love.

There is a difference between religion and relationship.
Religion is what happens when people go to church on the weekend and then live a life during the week that doesn't show love to anyone around them. Religion is what happens when people are more concerned about what they are wearing instead of the meaning of the song being sung from the church choir. Religion is what happens when a person proudly displays their bible where people can see it but the pages have never been touched. Religion is what happens when it is important to only pray blessings for meals but not seek direction in life, love, and family.

Relationship on the other hand is knowing without a doubt that God loves each of us despite what we have and have not done. Relationship is taking the time to put aside my own inner self to see what people are really seeing, saying, and thinking through their hurts and perceptions no matter what day of the week it is. Relationship is knowing that if there was only one person on earth to be rescued and loved, God would give His all for that one person and it is knowing that that one person would be each of us....no matter what.

I have written and re-written this post so many times because I am trying to figure out how to put into correct words just how much God is all about relationship. He is ALL about relationship. A relationship happens and grows in and through things. We all have our cherished friends because of what we have weathered through together. God is the same way.

How does that get displayed on a street corner?
I personally don't think that it can. I believe that way because it is when people see God's love through me in relationship, in my ups and downs, despite my failings and mistakes......that is when the real gift is seen.

Again, I stress that I do not ever try to act like I have all my ducks in a row, or learned all my lessons, or for a lack of better words....think myself holier than the next person. I know I mess up, I know I have wrongly judged and hurt people, and because I am human and fail-able...I know I will have many more times of humble apologies ahead of me as long as God has me breathe air. I am simply here learning each day that God dares to love each of us fresh each day with an unquenchable and everlasting love with no strings attached and I want you to know that same joy.

Po-TA-to Po-TAH-to......

As you can imagine, I have been running to and fro with my list of things to accomplish for Pippin's trip. She leaves in just 5 short days. Oh my! The funny thing about my list though is that every time I check off one thing that has been accomplished....I find 3 more things I must add.

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Last Sunday I taught in one of the childrens' classes. Oh so very cute!
Imagine the scene......
I sat at the table with all of the boys eating snacks and discussing the important issues on their minds. You know, things like scrapes and puppies and action figures.
Directly in front of me were brothers "I" and "D" ages 6 years and 4 years respectively. These sweet boys are true boys through and through. Both volley through the usual sibling rivalry as they impatiently wait their turns to be heard.

As sure as sure can be, "I"'s favorite bible story came up. He said, "David foughted with Goliath. He foughted him good and hard."
Younger "D", wanting to be heard and to correct his older brother's improper use of grammar jumped out of his chair and almost came across the table. "No, no, no!" he proclaimed. "It is not foughted. It is feated. David FEATED Goliath!"

The Real Focus...

I am going to step into a sticky topic here because I simply want to share it......
That topic is ... my church.
Why is that a sticky topic?
Well, because as sure as people are people, everyone has an opinion, a feeling, and an experience.

It has now been a little over 7 years since we helped to start this church and I continue to be amazed and ever so grateful for the blessings involved, the people, the presence, the relationships.

The relationships.....The older I get, the more I learn that relationship is completely what God is all about. The more I learn, the more I see that the symbolism of "church" has gotten so wrapped up in rules, guidelines, steps, classes, structure, and format.....that the heart core and reasoning for church has been side stepped and forgotten. I often find myself picturing God shaking His head and saying, 'No that is not how it should be. Please just listen.'

My Disclaimers:
No my church is not perfect. None are because people are people....completely fail able.
Other churches are great too. Different churches fit different kinds of people.
There is a time and place for structure...as long as people listen to God's guidance.

With that being said, I LOVE my church. As we seek God's truth from the bible, we also seek His character, grace, and mercy. Continually we strive to have relationship as the main foundation and for people to find comfort and healing in a non-condemning environment.

Why am I bringing all of this up? Simply because last week I learned fresh that the ripple effects of that sort of environment effects the children too.

I have always encouraged my teachers to focus on relationship. I have always said that there is comfort in having a lesson plan and great things can be accomplished and learned with the structure of a lesson plan....but never be so focused on a check list that the children are forgotten. If things turn upside down in class and nothing gets "taught" but the children go home feeling more secure and confident...then GREAT things happened in class.

Ah...but fighting the security of a check list can be difficult at times. In my last post I talked about being empty for a long time and losing focus. After coming back from that retreat, I felt all of that fall away and when I taught the next day at church I felt a renewed sense of purpose in relationship instead of check lists. Boy am I grateful.

I had 2 new students in class, a brother and sister, ages 6 and 8. The little girl was scared to come into class and hugged her daddy for a long time before relenting to step into the unknown. Instead of opening the class time with the usual structure, I chose to break the class into small groups, I took one group and my teaching partner took the other. We discussed the happenings of the week, favorite foods, and how best to eat chocolate (yes I had the girls group). Then the subject of good things and bad things rolled around and the girls began to share with one another what was on their mind. You know what? Even a 1st grader can offer deep compassion in a relationship. They prayed and hugged each other ......without my prompting.

It was at this point that the little 6 year old really opened up. In words that were much too old for her years she took a deep breath and shared this, "Ok I want to share something with you all and it is bad. I mean really bad and sad. Okay, my parents are getting a divorce and....."
And on she went explaining what was on her heart. When she was finished sharing, the others in the group offered their young encouragement, hugs, and prayers. She looked happier and lighter when it was all said and done.

I was so touched and amazed. Over and over it hit me that if I had kept with my check list, she never would have had opportunity to share her heart and find relationships in new surroundings. The other children would have not had opportunity to reach out from themselves and have compassion in action for another.

By the time we pulled the groups back together, there wasn't much time for a lesson, but I think the real lesson had truly already been taught.

Yesterday in church they were visiting again. I saw that little girl smiling and talking with her new friends. She ran up to me and shared what a great day she was having and how glad she was to be back.

Again I felt in awe at the importance of relationship.........the real focus.

(David at Authorblog honored this post with a mention on his post of the day column.)

Light As A Feather...

I am spending the day doing all the laundry in the house and catching up on things after having so many activities on our plates.

The retreat was amazing. We were in the high desert region of Oregon staying at a home filled with gracious hospitality. There were 19 of us all together enjoying food, fellowship, teaching, and fond memories.

One of the dear ladies in our church, who happens to be Romanian, came and played chef for us during the 3 day event. Wow! I have never been so spoiled by food before. When I prepare to cook for a large number of people, I think of things like spaghetti, burgers on the grill, instant oatmeal, and deli sandwiches. But not dear Ileana. Before we could barely begin to be hungry from the previous extravagant meal, we could smell the aromas of Chicken Marsala, BBQ Ribs, and Baklava coming up the stairs to our meeting room.

Here is a "quick" dessert she threw together for us. She was so amazing. Even as she was unpacking the kitchen the first night, she whipped up a plum pie from scratch from plums she grabbed out of the yard.

The retreat was a good soul searching time for me. It was a time for me to sort through, label and get rid of things that I have been carrying around in my mind and heart. I feel so much lighter now in perspective and have a renewed focal point for being motivated in the things that I do.

That may make no sense at all and I am sorry for that. I just wanted to be able to make note of it here for my own personal well being.

Blessings to you today.

It's Like the Twilight Zone...

Do you remember when you were a kid and you ran into your school teacher somewhere. Maybe buying ice cream with their family or maybe at the movies. It threw you for such a loop. Why was that? How was it that teachers carried so much control and power in the classroom that we couldn't fathom them being real people?

Well here is my funny because it happens evern with preschool children.

(Cue the mysterious background music and roll the fog in so that readers can see the scene)

While I was at the evening church service, I stepped into the restroom to freshen up. I was washing my hands when little 4 year old David walked in with his 6 year old brother and his mom. David stopped in his tracks righth there in the entrance and said with his mouth gapping in shock, "Mom!...It is my TEACHER....in the BATHROOM!"

His mom ushered him all the way in and absently said, "Yes David it is. Isn't it amazing that even teachers use the bathroom too?"

I smiled as I was leaving. I can just imagine the scene next Sunday. I will walk by David and his classmates and he will lean over with big knowing eyes to loudly whisper in their ears, "Teacher knows how to go to the bathroom!"

Daily Generalities....

It has been a whirlwind of a few days for me. There is nothing incredibly important or thought provoking to write about. Instead, it is just a sort of re-cap for my own mental purposes.

-----Our oldest daughter and her boyfriend came into town for a couple of days over the weekend. It was really nice to have them around and truly the easiest things have been in quite a long time. Years ago, when my husband and I first got married, he had 3 children already. The oldest happened to be only 9 years younger than me. She was 9 years old and I was...do the math....18 years old. I know that must sound so strange and give some people the shivers. It worked for us though and that is all that matters.

When she was little like that, it was all so easy. I was the coolest thing next to pop rocks and Michael Jackson. But when her teen years came, things subtly changed. No, there was never a rebellion or an outburst declaring I didn't belong or matter. Instead it was a quiet dismissive-ness. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things but others noticed too.
I chose to keep quiet and let time tell its truth though I am sure I didn't get it right all the time. After all, no one ever does.
Now, at age 27, she shows a little bit more with each visit that I just might have a bit of her heart. It was a good visit.

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-----Saturday found me doing the volunteering that I was so ready to walk away from just a short time ago. Confession: I am not ready to walk away. I so very much enjoyed being able to help people thru their tragedies. That must sound awful and confusing. Sure I found myself fighting back tears with one client but it is empowering. Maybe this will help....

We all find ourselves in situations where we know of or see someone in crisis. We want to be able to help, to fix it, to take away their pain. But it is not possible to simply erase life in all of its tragic turns. However, being trained to understand grief and the human emotion gives me an edge. To give a person the opportunity to express their lives and hearts in the dirty pain that they are in and have them know it can totally be about them and nothing else....is freeing.

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-----In between calls, I was able to do some card making. My supply of "been thinking of you" cards were dwindling so I used the opportunity to build up my stock a bit. Here are a few things I came up with...

-----Sunday was filled with the fun of church and afternoon visiting with friends. The bummer part was that I got hit with a super mega migraine. Smells, food, light, movement....they were all my arch enemy as I slowly drove the girls and I home. I have no idea where it came from but I can still feel the residual affects of it 2 days later.

It gives me this thought.....If I had a friend that worked as a masseuse, I would completely abuse and take advantage of our relationship.

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-----Yesterday found me once again so grateful for my girls. Not that I am ever NOT grateful for them and I am sure I talk about them so much that it gives all the complex that they walk on water or something. I just love my girls and there is no shame in that.

They had a few dollars burning a hole in their pockets and wanted to go to the local clothing store to see about new jeans. while they encouraged each other in their mini shopping spree, I slowly walked around seeing but not really looking at things. Once their precious items were found and paid for, I asked them if they would mind going to the park with me for a quick walk. Semi-grudgingly they agreed.....probably torn between knowing their favorite shows were coming on and because that were worried about me fainting on the trail or something with the previous day's waves still hitting me occasionally.

They ended up being so taken by the park. They ran ahead of me and then back to me just like they did when they were toddlers. they talked a mile a minute and snapped pictures of each other in goofiness as they giggled away. (keep in mind that they are 14 and 16) They jumped on the swings and laid their heads back as they tried in vain to touch their toes to the clouds above. They tackled the mini zip line and performed mock gymnastic moves on the balance beam.

As I sat there watching them and smiling, I noticed another group of teens on the other side of the firs. They sat with drinks, smokes, and profanities rolling. They absently blew off a parent that had brought a needed bag to one of the members.

It broke my heart.

Again, I am grateful.

Late At Night...

I am starting to get sleepy now. Everyone is sleeping, the laundry is finished, and I think I am all packed. Now I am sitting here with a bit more detail coming together in my mind and I feel overwhelmed at the amazing way things have transpired.

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 37 years old. It is just a number to me. It is fun to have celebrations, no matter what the focus is. I just always love being able to share it all with my mom. I don't expect gifts...not that I am a perfect unselfish person....having a December birthday usually means that one's birthday gets lost in the Christmas festivities. Anyone that has a mid to late December birthday can testify that they receive birthday boxes wrapped in holiday Santa wrap or a Christmas box that is labeled "also birthday". Truly it is okay and funny. It is a great and humbling way to keep pride in tact. (giggle giggle)

Usually I can predict what is going to happen in the "surprise" catagory of my birthday. Yesterday was differnt though and so amazing. Spending the evening with my mom was too perfect already and I would have been blessedly content. However, when I came home, more was waiting for me.
Without my knowing, several people from my church had taken up a collection and blessed me with a new dishwasher. The one that came with my house had been broken and un-fixable for the past 3 years. (Now, washing dishes by hand is not a big deal. I promise I didn't complain.) Their goal was to collect enough funding to purchase and install a basic model while I was out for the evening and unaware. But oh how God worked. Such a collection was taken up that they purchased a deluxe model and still had a sizable amount of money left over. They all signed a beautiful card and placed the money inside with the statement that I could do whatever I saw fit with what was left.

I was so shocked and overwhelmed.....still am shocked and overwhelmed. I am sitting here thinking about how much I have wanted to be with my dad during this time and how perfectly God provided the means for me to get there. I know I mentioned something in the previous posting, but waves of comprehension are washing over me. The left over money was only $20 shy of a complete round trip ticket for me. It blows my mind.

Always For The Children....

This past Sunday was a new experience for me....a freedom which I had forgotten. Let me see if I can explain without tripping all over myself with well intentioned thoughts......

For the past 18 years, I have volunteered my time in varying degrees of childrens ministry. I've done everything a volunteer can do in the different classes that cater to children from birth to 12 years old. I've done story telling to craft preparation, diaper changing to salvation leading, parent counseling to playdough making. I could go on for pages, but I won't bore with a long list. Just know that I have learned over the years to become pretty versitile. As we branched off from our home church in September of 2001 to start a new church south of the metro area, I had stepped away from being a department administrator over the kindergarten classroom (it was a really big church). With no direction in mind but the adventure that lay ahead, I eagerly sought out what God would have me to do next. That question was soon answered with this thought....we needed a childrens ministry department in our new church. With a gleam in their eyes and complete support, PJ and Co. gave me full reign to create...inspire....minister...and bless.

To be the "buck stops here" person has been such a learning experience for me. Over the past six years I have trained some 60 teachers in varying degrees of function. The first 4 years, my office was in my dinning room. There were shelves and cabinets of supplies, props, and resources everywhere we turned. Sometimes help was scarce and sometimes eager hands were falling everywhere to lift me up and offer encouragement. After all of this time, I think I am finally starting to learn a glimmer of what it means to delegate responsibility. No, I don't have it all figured out, but I am learning. It's by me letting go and giving the freedom to someone else to be responsible that they can step into their giftings, talents, and callings.

A while back, I sat down with PJ and Co. and expressed confusion and fatigue on my behalf. I had been running around trying to be all things by filling in gaps. My thoughts were things like, "How could I know what a classroom needs if I am never in there to see?" or "How could I expect other to teach with eagerness and joy if I don't do it myself?" and "As a leader I should be leading by example, working just as hard as those around me." I was wearing myself out teaching and overseeing 4 classrooms all at the same time.
Wisely, PJ and Co. said, "Sweets you have to take care of yourself. You must duplicate yourself out of a job. We don't want you to burn out. No wonder you are so tired. You can't inspire and seek future ideas if you are running around in circles. We want you to be around for a long time so let's develop a new game plan for you."
You know, in retrospect, I might have even given that same advice to someone else if I were sitting on the cousel side of things. Why are the simplest things always the hardest for me to see?

So, I now have a wonderful person that makes sure the teachers have all of the special supplies they want each week and I am training the last set of teachers to replace me on the classroom schedules. There is a person that makes the reminder phone calls for me, one that brings snacks every week for the kids, and another that sets up the prize tables. That brings me to my beginning statement.....This past Sunday was a new experience for me....a freedom which I had forgotten. I now have a wonderful woman that has come along side me to alternate administration on Sundays so that I can sit in the service. This past Sunday I did just that for the first time in years. I parked in the front of the building (no supplies to unload), walked straight into the sanctuary (no classes to check on), and participated without counting childrens heads or watching the clock for the classroom release time.

It was new and freeing for me.....not that I regret or grudgingly do anything that I do. Simply, I am grateful for the help around me for many hands DO make light work.

Counting Blessings...

Nothing I write here this evening would make anyone say......
"Shazam and Great Scott! What an amazing post! I must share this with all of my friends and keep them in the know."

Instead this is simply for my own purpose. Several sweet and encouraging blessings have happened over the weekend and I don't want them erased from my mind by the ravages of the continued ticking clock of life.

1) I have now made it through the first week and a half of school. I think we might actually be having some fun too. Seriously, all of the students are doing great and trying to comprehend the new concepts I throw their way. There are only minor groans as I hand out assignments of essays to be written and algebra to be learned.

2) Our Saturday youth fun event was a success. I was really starting to worry by Friday night. It was my job to organize the long sought after Capture the Flag event. Even though I heard all summer long from the youth as to how desperate they were to play it, I couldn't get any commitments out of them for who would actually attend. This made planning carpools and food quite a headache for me and I feared the game would be a flop. Ultimately that little voice in my head was saying it would flop because of me. Why do I ever give that little voice the time of day? We had a turn out of 26 youth all decked out in camo gear and recon equipment. It was a huge success and today they showed off their blackberry bush battle wounds proudly as if they were golden medals of pride and honor.

3) The person who encouraged me to get involved with TIP asked me today how things were going. He was such an encouragement and wanted me to tell all the details of my calls so I could feel proud. When he asked me if I had any frustrations at all, I confessed that it is the driving to a destination that turns my nerves into a jumble. Don't get me wrong....maps are easy and I can read them no problem. It is just the idea of figuring out a super quick route from point A to B and arrive to any given place in the WHOLE Portland-metro area within 20 minutes that freaks me out and makes my nerves a wreck. And yes I must obey ALL traffic laws.
He asked if I had thought about an after market navigation system. Yes definately I have been thinking about it but as with most everyone else raising a family, finances are tight right now. so, he blew me away by telling me this....
"You do the research, talk to your husband, and let me know what you come up with and I promise I will pay for at least half of it."

Boy that came out of left field for me. Who does things like that?

4) Destiny's grandma came up to me today with tears of gratitude for making childrens classes happen at church. She said that it is such an encouragement to her to know that when she can only bring Destiny to church sometimes once in a month.......that Destiny is learning about the Real God of Realationships of Heart and Grace. That blessed me so greatly. Sometimes I get tired and my discouragement questions why I put all of the energy into it when I can't see emmediate results before my eyes.

After teaching a room full of energized 10 year old boys.....I needed to hear that today.

Moments

This morning I walked up to 6 year old Destiny and said, "Hey I have missed something today. Do you know what it is?"
Destiny rolled her little eyes and sighed, "Me right?...'cause that is what everyone has been saying today."
I proclaimed that it was that Destiny Hug that I had been missing since she spends most weekends visiting her father in Washington. With that, I grabbed her and gave her a big one to emphasize my point. I also added, "Of course YOU have been waiting for that hug from ME also and now your day is complete."
Little 6 year old Destiny put her hands on her hips, rolled her eyes, and stated in her most grown up and sarcastic way, "You know it. It was all I could think of ALL day."


I learned something today when going through the Walgreens drive-thru. When the pharmacist walks away fron the window to get the medicine.....it is my cue to actually send the tube of money thru the passage and NOT hold onto it while I have 5 ladies giggling in my car and pretending to order cheeseburgers.


Memory Lane.....remember that time when the station wagon was stuck on a curb and she thought of the wonderful idea of seeing if we should just put it into 4 wheel drive? This would OF COURSE enable each wheel to go in differrent directions and the car would be miraculously unstuck!