October Days....

(Reader Warning: I let myself write and write until all the words left me. Grab some coffee and a snack before you settle in.)

It is a wonderfully rainy day today.
I love the rain and the beautiful grey skies of fall.
That must sound ridiculous to some, but it is the truth.

I love the smells and sights of autumn; the crackle of leaves, the smells of wood stoves warming, and the wind and rain dancing through the trees. I feel excitement at bringing out the sweaters from storage and throwing the mink blanket on the bed.

It has definitely been a month. Though the month is not up yet, I wanted to sit today and play some catchup with the thoughts rolling around in my head. The girls are all busy right now doing school or running errands for me so it is the perfect time for me to have the computer to myself.

Come take a stroll with me through October.

College Bound

Our church has just begun offering a college study program and I enrolled. Actually everyone in this house enrolled. We are so excited. It is a two year program that will take us on a journey of seeing more and more of what God calls us to be and do. We are plowing through the ideas of religion and how it relates to the Bible. In all actuality, it is shaped to look less like the typical bible college type of programs and more like a self growing and character building lifestyle change. Right now it is so hard for me to describe but let me just give a mind blowing example that I recently experienced here in hopes of relating what this program is like........


I have always read about the miracles in the Bible that Jesus did and thought general things about them. I mean, they were great and amazing. I have never walked on water, calmed a storm, or even raised someone from the dead. Jesus did them and it deserves the "Wow!" from the entire world.....but after all it was Jesus that did them. Of course they were miracles. It was Jesus, you know, the Son of God. Of course He could do them.
(I hope you can hear me in this. I don't mean anything bad in saying that.)

One of our study books is titled When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson. When I got into that book I realized that my understanding and thinking had been off in so many ways.
Here is what I am wrapping my brain around now......

• When Jesus came to walk the earth and became man, He gave up His power and became completely human. Okay I have heard that for some 20 years now.



• If Jesus gave up His power and became just like me then how did He do all of those miracles? Jesus did those amazing things because of His faith and belief in His Heavenly Father.

So when Jesus said "and greater than these you can do too......and with the faith of a mustard seed......." And when I know that He wrestled with all things human just like me......well this just puts it all into such a mind shift for me.

• That means that Jesus had to cast away fear, summon up his courage, and dare to believe that God declares good for His children, hears our prayers, and will act on our behalf.



• That means that it is so much more attainable for me to believe that little ole' me can make a difference, that my prayers are spiritual weapons when coupled with belief and faith.

20 Years and Counting

October 14th was our 20 year anniversary.



It feels nothing like what I envisioned it would feel like to get to this point.
Why do I say that? Of course we have had our ups and downs like everyone else but we are happy. I think that when we look ahead and imagine a place we haven't stepped into yet, we simply don't picture the other things around it. I guess that is why I had a surreal moment when looking at the calendar.

The reality is that life happens every day and we are living in the middle of it and loving each step.


Our night on the town.......
Years ago, we had been blessed with a sizable gift certificate for a fancy steak house here in town. I had placed them in a safe place and .....yeah....couldn't find them until now. That is okay. It was the perfect way to celebrate. This restaurant is actually one of the top 10 in the nation and has so many awards that I gave up counting them.

The atmosphere was heavenly. the fireplace crackled as it's warm fingered images danced on wine glasses. It was quite a cozy setting. All of the staff wore tux attire and when we were seated, the waiter unfolded our linens and placed them in our laps for us. I know a statement like that must greatly show how much I don't hob-nob but I have only seen a gesture like that in the movies.

We both ordered Cesar salads which came out in a decorative presentation.........

Hubby ordered a steak....his favorite. I ordered the Herb Crusted Chicken with a baked potato.

It was all so amazingly tasty.

For dessert, I had the peach and blueberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream and Hubby had a chocolate silk pie. Both were heavenly and we gorged ourselves with all the goodness.

Angel's Wings

Angel-girl and my sister-in-law came to visit me a few days ago. It was such a treat!

That little niece of mine is now already 2 1/2 months old. she is holding her head up and trying so hard to coo. Her smiles make me warm all over and I simply cannot bear to put her down when she is in my arms.

The Corn Maze Craze

Amongst all of the fall festivities, one that brings me tons of smiles is to take our youth group on our annual maze craze. There is a huge farm here in town that makes a challenging maze. They change it every year with new themes, twists, and surprises. Here is this year's maze......

The corn stands higher than the tallest man and is the perfect place to have races and man hunts. Our group went through once to get a feel for the huge maze and then they came over to the table I had set up for snacks and cocoa.

Already covered in mud from a week of rain, they began to plan strategies on how to best one another as the sun went down. If you asked them, they would be quick to tell you that the best way to enjoy a maze is to try and find your way through it after dark.

They played well into the evening and were so filled with mud (and fun memories) that they weren't allowed in our vehicles until they covered themselves in plastic bags.

What I Believe

A few night's ago, I received a call from my daddy. He asked how we were doing and I began a run down on all of our happenings. Shortly into the conversation though, I could tell that was not his purpose for calling and I asked him what was wrong.

He spun a story of not feeling right the past few months and various doctor visits that ended with a diagnosis....esophageal cancer. I asked my questions, put my best foot forward in saying positive things and getting information on what steps will happen over the next few months, and we said we would be talking soon. Then I crumpled after hanging up the phone.

Half of me wanted to stand firm and yell in the devil's face and shake my fist at him to let him know he would not play here. I actually envisioned myself standing over my dad, straddling my territory and declaring war. But then the other half of me was a little girl curled up under the table and holding an imaginary pillow. I fought back the panic of knowing we have only just begun to build our relationship and there is so much more for us to enjoy with each other.

Then I would scold myself for thinking dark thoughts and stand to fight again.

The seesaw went back and forth as I called my mom, my brother, and then our prayer circle.

My brother and I numbly shared our thoughts with one another about the mortality of our parents. It is such a hard concept that the most well intentioned shoulders of comfort can only imagine until actually wearing those very shoes. I know. I've been there. As with just about every one else on the planet, I have had friends and family who have had some sort of experience with death and with cancer, and good grief how we have been taught to shrink back at that very word....the dreaded C word.

Friends who have battled and won over cancer talk about our society's quirks with cancer. You can mention any other sickness in the world and people are fine but if you say you have cancer.....they shrink back as if you are already dead and they might contract it if they accidentally touch you. I know one girl that tells people her cancer scar was a shark bite simply because she feels bad for people in the torture they put themselves through.

It is a disease that can be fought and won just like anything else. And millions of people are victorious over that battle. And yet there I sat already thinking of my dad with one foot in the grave.

I told myself that I had seen miracles, been part of miracles, and experienced miracles. As I had been learning in my class studies, I thought about God's goodness and about my right to pray, to declare victory. But then the thought would creep in....what if I haven't learned enough? What if I don't pray right? If he dies then I failed.

Oh how our thoughts can lie to us.

It has taken me a few days to get my head on straight, but here is what I now know........

• I am a fixer.


• I can't fix this.


• It is my right to pray.


• It is my duty to pray.


• It is God's job to heal.

I keep thinking about something I experienced years ago when my youngest step son was in the hospital. He had been born with many physical challenges and had the first of many surgeries when he was only 4 days old. Not expected to live to the age of 2 years....there we sat nearing his 15th birthday and it seemed his body was finally giving up the fight. We had all been through years of ups and downs, battles with the ex-wife, the drama of this little boy's body being strong and then back tracking 5 steps.

Our pastor was with us and I dared to ask.....When is it okay to not contend? How can we even know what to pray anymore? Is it fair to pray healing? What is God's will?
For years since then PJ's answer has encouraged me through so many different types of situations.

He sighed that painful sigh that I thought was reminiscent of the hard burdens of counsel and pastor must bear. Then he said, "I know it is hard and we can't even pretend to know God's will. But here is what we do know. Since God is in control of all things and since for the moment God is choosing for this boy to breathe....then that is our signal that we are to contend. If things change and he passes on then that is our signal to change our prayers to that of thanksgiving. But as long as God shows opportunity of hope then we contend and press forward no matter what."

So here I am standing and pressing forward. I have a renewed hope. I am assured that my Heavenly Father sees and knows and hears and has a plan for victory.

Blessings to you and your day.

Prayer Works....Even In a Cave......

So much to write about, so many topics and I don't want them to disappear in the back of my mind. Do I write many smaller posts or one big one? Yeah.....why not one big one.

The Bed

Before Pippin and Rixxi moved back here from the beach a couple of weeks ago, Hubby and I set to the task of converting the bedroom into something fit for two young ladies to share. One major renovation was to acquire a bunk bed. For the last year as these plans were in the making, Pippin had her eyes set on a specific model of bunk bed that Ikea sells. The frame alone runs $300 and we didn't have that.

But we thank God quite often that someone had the foresight to create a web site such as Craig's List for there the bed frame was waiting for us. It also happened that the seller sold me the lower mattress for the bed for a mere $85 when she had purchased it new at Ikea for $230. Now please let me throw in a disclaimer here for I am not one to normally go around quoting prices on things. But for this story, the prices are very relevant.

Hubby and I drove over to the seller's home after work to pick up the bed. While Hubby was doing the loading, I visited with the seller and completed our transaction. She told me that she had purchased the bed set for her girls 5 months prior but was getting rid of it because they never used it even a single night. (Oh my goodness I thought. I am getting a bed that has never been used for such a lesser price!)

"Here is the $185 that you asked for", I said as I handed her the cash.

She responded with a smile as she stuffed the money into her pants pocket, "Cool! Now I can go and buy that pair of sunglasses I've been wanting."

It still makes me shake my head in wonder. I was able to purchase $530 worth of bed for only $185 because someone wanted a pair of sunglasses. Now, I am certainly not knocking the blessing of having the kind of money that can afford $185 sunglasses. It is just that it is a completely different world from where I live. I look at that $185 as an electric bill or 2 weeks worth of food.

The Prayer

My mother-in-law has been having stomach problems the past few months and the doctors are working to figure out how best to solve her issues and relieve her pain.

I was on the phone with her the other day while she was asking me computer questions and I could tell it was a rough day for her with her stomach. I interrupted her talking to ask what was wrong and she blew me off saying that she was fine and then redirected me back to her computer. I let her talk for a few minutes and then interrupted again with another concerned question. Again, because she is one to not like being the center of attention, she side stepped and changed the subject. My 3rd attempt met with success though.

Poor thing, she said that she had made a superbly wrong choice with what she chose to eat for lunch and had never experienced her stomach hurting as much as it did then. Plus she was in their motor home at that time in a hot part of the country side and their air conditioner was broken. The combination of extreme pain and heat was quickly zapping away all her will power and energy.

I asked her if I could pray with her for a minute. With her permission I prayed for her comfort, relief from pain, and that she could feel the cool relief of God's presence around her. Then I thanked God for hearing and answering our prayer and I said that we were looking forward to to hearing His praise in the issue.

She said amen and thanked me and we got back to the subject of computers. Within about 30 seconds though......she interrupted herself with this statement, "Hey my stomach feels better. It isn't hurting anymore." I praised God for the work He did and then we got back to the subject of computers again. In a matter of another 30 seconds, she interrupted herself again and said, "Oh my word! It's not hot in the motor home anymore! It feels so much cooler! How did you do that?"

I was smiling and thrilled. I of course didn't do anything. It was God that did it. When we speak in positive expectation it gives God more room to do what He like to do best. God's presence lives in our faith and our faith is made stronger and bigger by what we believe. Our words are powerful and the more we speak things then the more we believe it. So by speaking of expectation, we increase our belief which then increases our faith........that all equates out to less of me and more of Him. To me that is a great balance.

The Cave

Last Saturday we had plans to take the youth group on one last hike before the fall cooler weather set in. My plan was that we hike to Mirror Lake up on Mt. Hood and relax/swim the afternoon away. It was a great plan too except for the weather. Every day leading up to Saturday and for a few days afterwards were all really hot days. But Saturday woke us up to rain with the forecast of 60% chance of rain all day and 50 odd degrees for most the day. I had already made lunches for the 25 people that had planned to meet at our house for a day of fun so we switched gears real quick and changed the event to spelunking Ape Caves in Washington.

I had completed the lower cave a few years back which was nothing more than a 3/4 mile stroll in the dark so I figured the upper cave couldn't be that much different. Wow was I wrong! If I would have realized what I was getting myself into then I never would have entered the mouth of that cave. But then I never would have had such an amazing day and felt so accomplished when it was all said and done.

Here is a graphic map of the upper cave which is what is left of an old lava tube. We hiked up to the upper entrance and entered there so that we could work our way down to the stairwell. The length of the upper cave is 1.5 miles long and though you can't imagine that distance taking a huge amount of time; we spent a good 3.5 - 4 hours in there.

These pictures were both taken at the entrance of the upper cave.

And this one is inside the cave when we were just getting started.

There were so many rock formations to climb over. Up down and around we went trying to pick our way through the rubble that the harsh and amazing forces of nature left behind. At one point we used the rope that my hubby had brought to drop down a distance where the footing could not be felt. Every one's "guess-timates" were different but that drop was somewhere between 7 and 8 feet.

In the beginning of the walk, there were times when I felt panic rise, you know that small voice that tells you you're stupid to try such a thing. But then I could hear God on my other shoulder whispering memories to me of other successes. "You are right God. You are my big God and creator of the universe. If you can help me navigate a high rise obstacle course through the trees then you can surely help me find my footing on a few loose rocks."

If you go here and click on TDE Ape Cave Hike you can see all the pictures.


Currently
Pippin and Rixxi seem to be settling into their home environment. They love the bed and room set up. They are working hard at filling out job applications and I am giving advice and cheering them on. Puddin' is presing forward in school and loving being the youth band drummer. It is a strange new time for us all but we are having fun with it.

Blessings to you today,

Back At The Beach.....

Last weekend we took the youth group to visit Pippin at the coast. We had such a great time. The weather was perfect with a bit of clouds and breeze. There were only a few sprinkles throughout the day so everyone enjoyed the sand, beach combing, and shop browsing.

As soon as we got there and set up camp, everyone ran to the shoreline to get full of sand. A couple of people in the group are avid sand sculptors so they showed off their talents with these creations......

What day at the beach would be complete without burying your friends in the sand? These two guys were in a hole deep enough that they were standing in it! Then they had a race to see who could get out first....unassisted!

It was a group effort to dig this hole. These 6 people are sitting down in a hole that was shaped like the seating of a hot tub. See the cutie second in from the left? That is my Puddin'.

We were able to spend a full day with Pippin because she had the fortune of being off work that day. How perfect! When it was time to leave, it was so hard to say goodbye. Up until that point her stay there had felt not real because she knew we would be visiting with the youth group. But now, I don't have a projected return visit on the calendar.

Praise God we live in the 21st century with cell phone technology. I talk to her at least twice a day (usually she initiates the call) and we text back and forth throughout the day with comments and pictures of stuff in general.

*******

What else has been keeping me busy?

Well, it is that time of year where I am preparing all of the lesson plans for children's ministry. I just went to the copy store day before yesterday and ran off some 704 copies of things needed for my faithful teachers. That covers all the lesson between now and the end of December. Now everything is organized and filed, schedule assignments are ready for the next two months and I will pass out all of the new lesson plans this weekend.

I am desperately trying to really think things through and make sure all is in place because this time next week I will be returning home from a surgery and I am told it will take me a while to recuperate. It is not that no one else can do what I do. It is just that I tend to multi-task quite a bit and I wouldn't dare ask any one person to take over all of those things single handed. (I know...not very fair the way I threw the surgery thing in there. Sorry about that.)

Is it major surgery....yes. Is it life threatening.......no. Will I be better off once I have re-couped....definitely.

I am told that I will be in the hospital overnight and then I will want to sleep a lot the first couple of weeks. Re-coup time is projected to be 4-6 weeks. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that because I am not one for sitting still or letting others do things that I am capable of doing myself.

So I wanted you to know that because....

a) your prayers are always coveted

b) if I am not in the writing world for a bit you know why


*********

There has been tons of boy stuff going on here lately and I am getting quite skilled at sitting these young men down and firmly saying, "What are your intentions for my daughter?"

But after sharing that little tidbit, I will have to save the details for another time. Again not fair I know.

**********

I just had to share these with you.

Usually when I return from the grocery store, I come bearing some sort of toy for little Kekoa.....because he obviously doesn't have enough toys.

The quality of the videos are not great because it is just my cell phone but I think you will get the idea of how this goofy little fuzz ball keeps me smiling.

It's Official....

It's official....at 37 years old, I am from the "other" generation.

Today was an afternoon for the youth worship band to come over and practice for a couple of hours. After that, we had a monthly youth "chill" time at our place. It was technically supposed to be at someone else's home but all the residents of that home had contracted a nasty 3 day stomach bug. So hubby and I figured that if half the group will be here anyway for the music part, we might as well open it to everyone for the evening and give them all a chance to "hang". We enjoy providing the opportunity and giving the youth something to do.

It was a great evening. I had 21 people in my living room watching Kung Fu Panda. (This picture to the side is a horrid shot for color and lighting but maybe it gives you an idea.) Not everyone is in the picture and more came in the door after I snapped it.

They happily ate through 8 boxes of pizza, drank 5 bottles of soda pop, 2 bags of tangelos, a bowl of pretzels, a plate of cookies, and sour heads candy as they watched the daring courage of a cartoon panda pushing the societal envelope of expectations and dreams.

After that, the board games came out. I don't remember what they played. I only remember timers, noises, and lots of bravado remarks.

While all of that was happening, I found myself at the dinning table with two young men discussing the ins and outs of heavy metal music. All of their talk made my head spin. I remember as a teen that I chose to like or dislike a band because of simple reasons. Could I relate to it? Did I like the beat? Was it a good dance tune? Those were the high priorities for me. These boys were different though. They spoke rather philosophically about how bands choose to further their image by focusing on a key element. For example they will make sure their singer is appealing to the eye, or their electric guitarist has finger speed that no one can match. They talked about something called "comedy death metal" with appreciation. Apparently it is when heavy metal type groups create songs that make fun of something like .....like a popular big name coffee shop or national eatery. They discussed similarities and differences between the groups Nine Inch Nails, Demon Chasers, and Led Zeppelin.

Then the older young man told me that when he is ready to relax for the evening he usually will "put on the soothing sounds of Smashing Pumpkins".

Now please rescue me here..........am I the only one who sees the instant and problematic irony in the words "soothing sounds" and "smashing pumpkins"?

I pointed it out to him along with my obvious ignorance to the music group and asked if they were indeed soothing or did they demonstrate more of a calling to their name sake. My question made him stop, think, and then admit that he had never thought of the group's name as an actual description. I had humored him with my different look at things.

*****

On another note, thank you so much for your concerns and encouragements with me not being around much and feeling up to par.

I think I am gaining ground. I am still awfully tight and tense but doing my stretches several times a day whenever I feel the head thing come on, sometimes every hour, seems to be making slow improvements. So far I haven't had a relapse of that last 5 day head bender. Everything has a season so I know eventually this will be a thing of the past.

It is now Monday evening and I can very much feel the effects of the weekend adventures. They always say that when you work muscles that you don't necessarily use a lot you feel it the most on the second day. I can testify that statement to be a true fact. My arms are SO sore. But I am so glad for all that I did.

You sounded a bit interested in learning more details of what exactly a ropes course is and what we accomplished for the day. So, I decided to try and put together a video from what my girls captured. That in itself has been an adventure because I have never made a movie before. I separated them into three video segments for you and published them on youtube ....because it is all I could figure out today. I edited out a bunch of idle stuff so I hope you can get the jest of things without being bored.

There were many other things that we did that day to build one another up but I didn't want to chase you away with too much video.

And though there is no doubt that I have had the respect and love of everyone in the youth group, I definitely have it now. Over and over again they cheered me on, helped me, encouraged me, and cried with me. One young man even said, "From now on is it okay if I call you Brick House (from that radio song) because you are so strong and amazing?" How many times I heard, "Wow that was incredible. I know my mom would never do that!"

I learned a lot on this trip and have a bigger self awareness for myself because of it. I learned that I am strong and I don't give up easily. Those who know me in my every day life probably laugh at that comment because I always go non stop. But putting myself in a physically demanding position is different. I had never figured myself to be able to do anything like that. Now I believe in myself and can say that I am strong, I can do things, and there is a whole world in store for me just waiting to be explored.

Do You Dare.....

I am absolutely wiped out......but I wanted to share with you about the past 24 hours before I plop on the bed in utter fatigue.

This was the weekend of our last big youth event before school starts. Last night we had a BBQ at a friend of a friend's pool. It was a great time for them. The youth played their own versions of the Olympics as they raced to see who could do hand stands longer, throw through the water hoop better, and dive for the most pennies. Then the evening rounded off with a sleep over....guys at one house and girls at another. The goal was to actually sleep so that they could be bright and chipper to hit the road for our adventure today. No they didn't quite sleep like they should have but did we when we were their age?

So, what was our adventure today? We went for a whole day of extremes at the Salem YWAM Ropes Course. It is a place where you have the opportunity to push yourself farther than you think you can go, work together as a team, and learn a greater appreciation for everyone. I know I am not doing it quite the descriptive justice so check out the promo video on the above link if you are curious.

We did this last year and had a great time. For the most part I had taken pictures of everyone and did the huge 800' zip line at the end of the day. This year I decided to suck it up, not think of myself as "just a mom" (as if that is a bad thing), and completely do each task set before me to 100%+ of my abilities. I didn't let myself think in fear or worry. Here is a secret...I truly am scared of heights but I make myself do things so that my fear doesn't own me.

The whole day was amazing and I really did push myself more than I dreamed I could do. Despite the fact that I am still out of shape and have more weight to lose, I jumped at the opportunity to do the High Rise Extreme Obstacle Course. Though the sun glare doesn't let you completely look at the whole course, here is a what the course looked like......

And this is a picture of me just to prove that I actually did it.

It was very hard in places and I hugged the instructors when I got to the end platform.

But I DID IT.

It was a family affair for our household.

Here is my hubby navigating a section.

Here is my Pippin on the hardest part.

This was the last section and honestly when I go halfway through this part

I locked up and needed some help.

Here is my Rosie-girl balancing gracefully on a tightrope wire.

She was laughing and having so much fun.

So many amazing things happened today and I am grateful for every ounce of it.
The girls took videos all day long so hopefully in the next few days I can post a clip or two.
For now though, my nerves are shot and my energy has left the building.

God's Strength....

I am headed out the door for church and teaching Sunday School. It is a full day today and I love it all. But before I leave, I wanted to share this photo that I snapped yesterday while taking the youth group out on an all day hike.

Since I have never had any photography classes, most often what my brain and eyes see and have in mind is not what comes through the lens when I take a picture. But this particular shot I think had just the opposite effect.

We were at Punchbowl Falls enjoying the day yesterday. A few of the guys had taken a big log and laid it across the rushing waters. As I was walking across, I stopped in the middle completely mesmerized by the contrast of the power of the water and the texture of the wood. It reminded me of God's constant strength in the middle of life's ups and downs.

What does it do for you?

The Perfect Balancing Scale......

Yesterday was such a great day. I jumped up in the morning and made a broccoli slaw and a cake for a BBQ that we would be attending in the evening. The slaw....was just a regular slaw so it is not worthy of a picture. The cake on the other hand, a recipe given to me by my dear friend at the coast, formidably labeled "Death By Chocolate Cake". With ingredients such as sour cream, chocolate pudding, and chocolate chips in the cake batter....and then a stove top cooked icing..... let your mind wander a bit as to the taste.

I fought off the temptation to dig my fork into it's heavenly aroma all day long. After all, how could I explain a big gouge in the shape of the bunt cake to our hosts. But after dinner, I jumped up to have a small sliver........

heavy sigh......dreamy expression........

Visiting with all of our friends made for a great evening. But that cake was the supreme topper to all the wonderful events of the day.
What else happened yesterday?

Well, I had received a phone call a couple of days ago from our youth group leader and his wife. She said, "Are you available Thursday at 1 pm?" Instantly I thought, oh cool they need a baby sitter and I sure love that little guy.
My thought cloud burst and re-built to an even sunnier level when she followed up by saying, "We just want to thank you for all that you do and so we have scheduled you for an hour massage."
Threw me for a quick loop but boy I was giddy with excitement. How many times I have wished I could get a massage........

Here is a picture of one of the massage rooms at Massage Envy. Each room has a circulating fan, warming blankets, and soft music playing. Good golly it was so heavenly. That little masseuse had her work cut out for herself when I came in. I had knots on top of knots. She never complained though. Instead she went right to work and proclaimed pity over me as she unearthed tensions that I have carried for so long...I didn't even know they were there. The tensions that I carry lock up my lower back and also settles in my shoulders so deeply that it effects my hearing.

I feel lighter, sore and bruised, but oh so much better. I have been drinking water like crazy to try and filter out all of the toxins that must have been released. I have no limp this morning, I can hear better, and my neck keeps popping. I love it!

Here is to a perfectly balanced day..........a massage and chocolate. What more could a girl ask for?

Cove Palisades.....

The past few days have found me camping with the youth group at Cove Palisades. Doing things with the youth is always a fun time for me. I love their infectious energy and I also love knowing that the things we do together is helping to shape their lives for the good.

I am super tired now and just got up from 10 hours of sleeping (I think I could use even more) but the weekend was well worth it. I believe it is so important to be actively involved in the lives of our kids. Now that our girls are ages 14 and almost 17, I keep thinking that I only have a few precious years left before they are off doing their own grown up things.

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Our days were filled with romping in the swim waters and inner tubing behind the boat. As much as we tried to keep sunscreen on, the high desert conditions gave everyone a sunburn. Being crispy didn't stop them though from having all the fun humanly possible. I love everyone in our group. All of the youth and the leaders have such a fun loving outlook on things. Everyone is eager to help and though there are many differences in the people, compassion abounds. There was a constant supply of laughter, smiles, and practical jokes.

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I heard that the waters of the river were wonderfully cool but I never found out personally. I spent my time trying to keep under the shade. It was a good 100 or so degrees while we were there. Though I do believe that sunny days are beautiful, I am not a sun worshipper at all. Five minutes of standing out in the sun's rays finds my skin starting to sizzle. The heat is also hard for me to deal with. Any temperature over 85 (and that is pushing it) makes me really have to concentrate on a) not being grumpy and snappy b) thinking in a coherent manner and functioning in basic tasks.

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My tasks were to be nurse and cook for the 21 people in attendance. It was a lot of fun. Lunches and dinners were a "piece of cake" with making sandwiches and grilling burgers and hot dogs. Breakfasts is what really took planning and a bit more time. My hubby came this year and was a huge help to me. We did pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausages, and fruit one morning and Canadian bacon cheese and egg English muffins on another day. We had experimented before the trip and figured out that by taking the metal bands from wide mouth canning lids we could cook the eggs in them and have the perfect shape to fit on an English muffin.

Nursing on the other hand, I failed. One young man received a good gash on his hand as we were unpacking the first night. Though it wasn't deep, it was directly on his knuckle, making it very hard to treat. I was tired after driving 3 hours, grumpy, and feeling a bit overwhelmed because the first aid kit that I had grabbed for the trip had been pilfered through and most of my basic supplies were missing. All I could think of was driving back to town and sitting in an ER for stitches, while the other side of my mind knew that I had all these people that still needed me to make dinner for them. Yuck! Thank God for the park ranger. She found an impressive knuckle bandage in her supplies and jimmy rigged a splint out of broken plastic utensils to keep his finger immobile. I thought about being mad at myself for not thinking of that but then decided it wasn't worth the energy and I was just grateful for the help.

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Over the weekend I became even more a firm believer in knowing how much I love living west of the Cascade range. Oregon has so much diversity in climate and it is all amazing but I sure missed having green around me. I did enjoy my morning walks though...you know before it got hot. If we camp over that way again next year I will have to keep in mind that being out walking between 5am and 8am is a great time to explore and enjoy the world without the heat and sun fogging my mental processes.

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On one of my walks I stumbled across an area with a tourist plaque that said it had been re-created to resemble ancient Indian grounds. This rock with real petroglyphs had been placed in the area to accent the ancient history. I didn't see anything that talked about what the writings and pictures meant and I know it was placed there on purpose, but it still felt like a secret find for me.

I am grateful that it was a wonderful weekend. I am grateful for shade and cold water bottles. I
am grateful for happy memories.



*************

(David at Authorblog enjoyed reading about our trip and gave a mention in his recommendations for post of the day. Thank you David.)

Lost in Translation....

Last night he came up to me and said, "Are you going tomorrow?"
"Yes", I replied. "I can give you a ride home if you need it."
"Cool!" he said. "Esta muy es bueno! Oh you probably don't understand Spanish. I told you that you sing like a beautiful bird with an amazing voice."

*****

Ha! I haven't had Spanish classes since 7th grade but I know he only said "that is very good".
But of course the flattery does earn extra points.

Mirror, Mirror....

We were ready for the day trip. My part of the caravan was loaded, loaded with people and loaded with supplies. I was excited and ready for yet another adventure. I was excited that is until he got into my car and sat right behind me.

He...we all have known this type of person at least once in our lives. He is the kind of individual that has something to say about everyone and everything in the world. His purchases are better than yours, his car is better than yours, his friends, his music, his job, his experiences, his sicknesses, his....well you get the picture. To hear him tell it, he has the Midas Touch and we could only drool and hope to one day achieve a fourth of his greatness.

And so the car trip was off....for a two hour drive. As the miles clicked away, I found my patience waxing thing. I thought about pulling the caravan over and doing a switch but then decided that it would be painfully rude of me. I contemplated playing "The Quiet Game" but then remembered that sort of psychology only works with the little tikes. I even thought about the roll of duct tape in my emergency kit. Didn't the sanity of myself and my other passengers in the vehicle constitute an emergency?

Miraculously we survived the drive and I casually hopped over to a fellow driver to bargain for a quiet trade on the return trip. 'I did my fair share', I reasoned to myself. 'Let him be someone else's problem for a while.'

The day was well spent and soon the time came to load up and head for home base.

(Remember that bargain I had made earlier? It didn't happen. My patient Creator had other plans for me.)

He, Mr. Hot Air, not only got into my car but he sat in the front passenger seat next to me.

In my head I protested and thought, 'You have got to be kidding me! No way!'

Then I felt Jesus tap me on the shoulder and say, 'When I said love your neighbor as yourself, I never said only certain neighbors. Nor did I say only when you felt like the situation granted it. I meant everyone. You are still here on earth and that means that I still have things for you to do...and to learn...so buckle up Sweetheart.'

A heavy sigh left my lips.

Over the first few miles, I stewed, I argued in my head and envisioned mental temper tantrums on my behalf. God was so patient with me though and I eventually began to calm down. When I did, an interesting thing happened.

I saw that he was wanting to be in the middle of everything not because he believed his supposed perfection but because he was hiding from insecurities and riddled with self doubt. Here was a young man who I could only guess had seen way too much for his heart to handle in his short life. Though his constant monologues belied the fact, he didn't like himself in either physical feature or in character. His bravado was a cover up, a desperate attempt at fulfilling the craving acceptance that beat in his heart.

Once I saw that pain in his eyes, my compassion swelled for him. Where only a few minutes prior I had wished for a passenger seat ejector button, now I wanted to erect a shield around him and protect him from his pains.

I thought about the fact that not only have we all encountered people like him in our life journeys, but we are people like him. We have all had times where we felt that we didn't belong. I questioned in myself....'How many insecurities do I carry around, hide behind, or hide from? How many before him have I been impatient with, fueling hurtful fires instead of quenching them?'

Thank you Jesus for being so patient and loving with me time and again as I grope for Your ways.

These days when he is around and I feel my self indignation rise up and my patience deflating, I am trying to remember to look past his mask and into his heart.

It is much better for all of us that way.

Jack Frost Nipping At Our Noses....

Here is a picture of the top of Mt Hood peaking through the clouds.


Our youth snow day was a huge success!

At first, our plans were to hike out into a wilderness area with all of our tubing and heater equipment to in essence, carve out a name for ourselves. However, 24 hours prior to departure, we opted for one of the local recreational facilities. After all, why re-invent the wheel? I am so glad we chose Plan B.

Leaders and youth alike had huge smiles on their faces throughout the whole day as they rode the tow rope up and slid all the way down. Friendly competition was the name of the game as each one tried a more zany way of tube riding form. The most sought after position was being able to ride "knee surfing" style with hands in the air. Wipe outs and giggles were inevitable. My brother had brought along a bag full of crazy hats and wigs to aid in the play. I must admit that at first I thought it sort of a silly idea. But here I am to admit I was completely wrong. The more goofy the youth could make their head gear the better. It became part of the sport to see if their ridiculous head dress could stay on their heads at higher speeds and bigger bumps. Then if it was lost on the course, the finder became the new victor.

Speaking of competition, I got out there quite a few times myself. I had been looking forward to the idea of snow play and figured that if I could do an 800 foot zip line then I could certainly handle the fun of snow tubes. Then the ever present voice of sacrificial motherhood started to creep into my head. I figured I would pay for my family to have fun and sacrifice my thrill for the sake of money. That was a short lived thought however when one 17 year old from our group said, "It's a good thing that they have heated tents out here because I just don't picture the grown ups being out in the snow very much."

Yeah...that was all it took for my stubborn self to over ride the mother martyr in me. As I rode the slopes, I laughed, giggled, bounced, and caught air with the best of them.

As I handled my 4WD back down the mountain, I looked in the rear view mirror at the 7 sleeping ones in my charge and thought this will definitely have to be a yearly trip.

A rare sighting of the illusive snow bunny!

What I Shared....

Standing up and sharing with the youth about some of my high school experiences ended up being an impacting time for me....and I think for them as well. I won't go into the whole evening here for the sake of......well I spoke for 45 minutes so I guess respecting your blog reading time would be the factor. Instead I will share with you a smaller section now and maybe another tomorrow.

~~~
This is the way I remember it........
When I was 13, my parents separated and then later divorced. I remember getting up to get ready for school one morning and my parents had my little brother and I sit down on the couch for a family talk. They said that Dad was moving out but that we didn't need to worry. He would still be around and we would be able to spend lots of time with him. Above all we were told to keep in mind that what was happening was not our fault and we were greatly loved.
Then they asked if we had any questions or had anything we wanted to say.
We didn't. My parents had always done a great job of protecting us from their frustrations and heart breaks, but we knew anyway. We just wanted them to be happy. And frankly, between Dad having to devote much of his time to work and the fact that he wasn't an emotionally expressive man....living at home with just mom didn't appear to look much different.

When school got out for the summer, my mom, brother, and I moved across the country to Oregon to live with and to care for my Nana. I started high school that year. (Ah, that time when all tweens and teens really struggle with their identity. Does anyone NOT look back and shudder at that time of their lives?)

Up until that point I had been an awkward freckle-faced red-head with glasses. Wearing thick glasses and dealing with a bit of childhood asthma left me with a huge sense of 'no coordination'. There was not a single sport that I could even pretend to do. Those kinds of circumstances just beg for name calling in the elementary school world. Most frequently, I was named Pippi Longstocking by my peers. Of course, the name was solely because of my red hair and not because of the strength and individuality that Pippi was known for.
Today I laugh and think it is so not a big deal, but as a budding adolesent, it was awful! So, I looked at the move as a new lease on life. No longer was I going to be around anyone that knew me as being backwards or dorky or un-cool.

I decided to do what society told me to do…..look like everyone else. I got my hair styled, I took full advantage of my Nana wanting to shower me with love by buying all new clothes, I learned how to wear makeup. and then I casually “lost” my glasses. I was so blind that I couldn’t see what I looked like without them, but I just knew that not having glasses was an important factor to really being liked and popular in high school.

I tried everything, and I really do mean everything, that I thought would make me popular and give me a new life. I soon learned though that a strategy like that will backfire in your face. I earned a reputation and that reputation grew bigger than me. Not only was I labeled for things that I had done but I was labeled for things that I had not done. You know, that is how things go. One person says something about someone else and pretty soon the talk of the town is larger than truth.

Halfway thru my 9th grade year, I figured I just didn’t even need to bother anymore. I had no goals, things weren’t working out the way I had wanted them to, I was always grounded, and I had a 1.57 accumulative GPA. I decided it would be easier to just stop living. I had thoughts like, “if I die then all the people who didn’t bother to care might care. Maybe if I could look down in the sky and see all the people at my funeral, that would bring me satisfaction."

I know, you are shocked at my thought process. There is no logic in it and revolves totally around my selfish moments...but that is where I was at. I was bored with myself and couldn't see past the end of my own nose.

So, one night before bed, I decided to swallow a whole bottle of Tylenol. Maybe you laugh at that, but I thought I was doing a brave thing. I awoke during the night to my mom and step-dad wanting to talk with me. She had found a letter that I had written to a friend and left on the bathroom counter. I had written it to be a suicide note, but I had worded it so vague that it sounded like I was just going away. Of course, my mom wanted to know where in the world I was going and talked to me thru half the night about getting my life straight. Didn't I know how much I was loved?

I sat there on the floor, respectfully listening….because that is what I was taught to do. But inside I thought, why am I not dead? I had no stomach pains, no dizziness, nothing that I thought I should be doing after taking a bottle of pills. I thought, good grief! I am so pathetic! I can’t even do that right!

Little did I know how greatly God was watching over me, before I even paid Him any attention. Let’s jump forward for a minute to 13 years later and I'll explain why I say that........

I was sitting at home and talking on the phone trying to encourage a friend whose grand daughter was in ICU for taking too much Tylenol. I thought it was really an odd thing to be in ICU for. I mean, I should know right? So I asked her respectfully what the problem was. My friend said that though Tylenol can be a great thing for helping headaches and pains, if taken in too big of a dose, it makes the internal organs weep of blood. There are no holes for a doctors to plug. The person simply bleeds internally and the doctors can do nothing about it. They stand by helplessly watching and monitoring, hoping that the body can filter out the abundance of poison before it gives up.

So here I am trying to console my friend and pray with her because her grand daughter matters, while on the inside I am freaking out thinking, “I shouldn't be here right now! I could have never had my family, never been a mommy, never moved on and experienced all of the wonderful things that I have experienced! God I know you have always cared for me but I had no idea how you protected me when I didn’t even give you the time of day!”

~~~

At this point in my sharing, I branched off into some different things that flowed with the moment. But for your sake, I am sure you would like a bit more closure to this part of the story......

~~~

So back to me sitting there on the floor, absorbed in self and failure while listening to my mom. I sat there for so long that my legs had completely fallen asleep. I didn't say a word to my mom about the things going on in my head or what I had just done. Instead, I angelicly convinced her that I had indeed heard her words and needed to go to bed so I could be a good student at school the next day. She then gave up and consented for our talk to be finished.


As I was standing up, my sleeping legs failed me and I started to buckle to the floor. Instantly my mom and step-dad were at my side to catch me. Mom looked into my eyes, with tears falling down her face she said, "See, we are here for you. We always will be. You never have to feel like you are doing things alone."

Something clicked in my head and thought process after that. I couldn't tell you if it was that pivitol moment or a build up of a series of things. But, I slowly started thinking over time that if I couldn't do bad things well then I might as well try to do good things well.

I didn't get it all right emediately. Really, no one ever gets it ALL right ever. But here I am today so grateful that God had other plans for a selfish little girl.

Oh and that pathetic GPA my freshman year.....
I graduated high school with a scholarship for "Most Improved Student" with a 3.57 accumulative GPA.

"How did it go?".....

My blogger friends, you are so wonderful and a blessing to me. Thank you for being my cheerleaders of encouragement. Sharing with the youth last night did go really well. What I had typed up and prepared, I thought would take maybe 10 minutes at most. It turns out, things felt so natural, we all got into the swing of conversation and participation, I ended up having to cut things short after 45 minutes! I am going to have to do a "part 2" next week.

If you are interested in what I shared last night, I can post it later this afternoon. Right now, we are getting ready to go to a job fair at the local college. I think it is time to expose our teens to that kind of a situation and possibly line themselves up for a summer job.

au revoir mon ami!

I Can Do This....

I am preaching tonight at youth group!
I am excited and nervous all at the same time.
By nature, I prefer not to be center of attention. Sure for the past 18 years I have taught kids classes and trained teachers. But that all seems different in my mind somehow.

A handful of years ago, I was the "cruise director" for a local steamboat that took tourists along the downtown waterfront.
(Yes I was daily thrown jokes about The Love Boat and where were Gopher, Doc, Isaac, and Captain Stubing.)
In doing that job, I did become more comfortable with those center of attention things like holding a microphone, making jokes, commanding an audience with visual ease....but it is still not my prefered spot.

But I keep reminding myself that I am not going to be sharing anything tonight that is world changing or debatable, rocket science and realative theory are not the topics of discussion. Instead, the focus will be my testimony of life and some of the things that I have learned as I have stumbled around.
It is my testimony, my life, and my experiences. I share pieces of me every day. That is easy.

The Weekend...

I love to write. I really do. It helps me to channel my thoughts and release whatever needs to be let go of. I try to keep in mind the moving words of Benjamin Franklin, "If you would not be forgotten when you are dead and rotten, either write things worthy of reading or do things worth the writing.", because it gives purpose and perspective for me.
Sadly though, I haven't been able to think of much anything I consider worthy of writing lately. It finds me a bit frustrated.

Am I in a writing rut.....or have I just been too busy? Do I simply need more sunshine in my February this year?

I am contemplating not volunteering anymore. I love being able to help and I truly do feel peaceful when I am with a client. It is the rest of the time that has me all knotted up.....waiting for the calls, making sure my day is free so that I can be ready, and for some reason the meetings really stress me out. Listening to how others handle their calls has the opposite effect on me than what it should. I should feel like more knowledge is going into my head in learning about other situations in a round table format. Instead, I panic inside thinknig, "Gosh I would have never thought to do that."
It is okay to try something and then realize it doesn't fit. It is better to try and move on than to never try at all. I just don't know if I am making the right decision.
Gosh am I really that much of a control nut?


The rest of me is good though. Having the youth over on Saturday for Plan B was a great time for all. I think we had a total of 19 people in the house, which is not a huge amount as far as parties go. But considering we had 4 different teen style groups going on in our 1590 sq. ft. house at all times, I think we did rather well.

This weekend also found us celebrating my Nana's 82nd birthday. It was great to relax with my family, talk stories, and play with the baby.

Now it is time to get ready for a new week with new experiences. All I have to do is scoop up my energy into a bucket so I can keep it on hand and not let it run out the bottoms of my shoes.

Plan B...

Well, we have had several stumbling blocks in preparing for the youth snow day. Amazingly, though the bus barn will let us rent a bus for a mountain trip, they don't want their equipment in the snow..............I am not going to touch that one.
So, I started arranging things for a carpool. However, there are so many of our leaders that are sick right now, my husband and I would be the only ones available for the day. No matter how skilled we are, we just can't transport 30 kids up to the mountain slopes on our own.

Plan B....Our house is going to be open today for games, movies, and food.
It is a beautiful day and I think we will have a ton of fun. I wonder if letting all the youth jump on our trampoline is a recipe for disaster. haa haa...

You might be wondering about the miracle of the clothes that were provided the other day? We aren't giving up on the idea. We will just reschedule the snow day for our March fun.

Matthew 7:7

"You aren't going to believe what just happened. Come outside and help me with the boxes in my car."
That was the call on my cell phone as we were kicking off our mid-week youth service. I grabbed my coat and ran outside to find 2 giant boxes in her car that needed to be carried in. A huge NW sporting goods store that makes quality (and dare I say a little spendy) clothing, donated these boxes to our youth group.

As we went through the boxes, we found brand new vests, snow pants, wind breakers, and thick winter coats. We laid them out on the benches according to size and gender. Then I brought out the youth, one by one, to see if there was anything they could use.

Over and over again I heard things like,
"Are you serious?!"
"Really...I can have and keep these pants?"
"Oh my gosh! I was praying that some how I could get clothes for the snow trip. Now I can go!"
"Wow God really answered my prayer!"
"Cool now I can give these to my friend and she can go too!"

See, this weekend we are planning a day trip with the youth group up to the mountain for some snow play. It is going to be a load of fun. Most have been excited in anticipation. But a few have been down because where we all reside in the valley, it is not a need to have snow gear. Families can't just go out and buy all that stuff for one day of play.
Now everyone is taken care of and there are still a couple of items left over that I can take over to the shelter.

It was so fun to be part of the blessing. Seeing their smiles and their eyes sparkle blessed me.

Somebody Stop The Puns.....

Last night at a meeting, we were discussing the big upcoming event....a harvest party for the youth group.

He said: Hey, let's do a "bob for ears of corn" area instead of "bob for apples".

I said: Cool! But let's make it like plastic ears instead of ears of corn."

He looked at me with a combination of smile and perplexity until I dropped the punchline.....

Me: That way we can make sure it is a really corny game.

okay let the groans roll.................

Counting Blessings...

Nothing I write here this evening would make anyone say......
"Shazam and Great Scott! What an amazing post! I must share this with all of my friends and keep them in the know."

Instead this is simply for my own purpose. Several sweet and encouraging blessings have happened over the weekend and I don't want them erased from my mind by the ravages of the continued ticking clock of life.

1) I have now made it through the first week and a half of school. I think we might actually be having some fun too. Seriously, all of the students are doing great and trying to comprehend the new concepts I throw their way. There are only minor groans as I hand out assignments of essays to be written and algebra to be learned.

2) Our Saturday youth fun event was a success. I was really starting to worry by Friday night. It was my job to organize the long sought after Capture the Flag event. Even though I heard all summer long from the youth as to how desperate they were to play it, I couldn't get any commitments out of them for who would actually attend. This made planning carpools and food quite a headache for me and I feared the game would be a flop. Ultimately that little voice in my head was saying it would flop because of me. Why do I ever give that little voice the time of day? We had a turn out of 26 youth all decked out in camo gear and recon equipment. It was a huge success and today they showed off their blackberry bush battle wounds proudly as if they were golden medals of pride and honor.

3) The person who encouraged me to get involved with TIP asked me today how things were going. He was such an encouragement and wanted me to tell all the details of my calls so I could feel proud. When he asked me if I had any frustrations at all, I confessed that it is the driving to a destination that turns my nerves into a jumble. Don't get me wrong....maps are easy and I can read them no problem. It is just the idea of figuring out a super quick route from point A to B and arrive to any given place in the WHOLE Portland-metro area within 20 minutes that freaks me out and makes my nerves a wreck. And yes I must obey ALL traffic laws.
He asked if I had thought about an after market navigation system. Yes definately I have been thinking about it but as with most everyone else raising a family, finances are tight right now. so, he blew me away by telling me this....
"You do the research, talk to your husband, and let me know what you come up with and I promise I will pay for at least half of it."

Boy that came out of left field for me. Who does things like that?

4) Destiny's grandma came up to me today with tears of gratitude for making childrens classes happen at church. She said that it is such an encouragement to her to know that when she can only bring Destiny to church sometimes once in a month.......that Destiny is learning about the Real God of Realationships of Heart and Grace. That blessed me so greatly. Sometimes I get tired and my discouragement questions why I put all of the energy into it when I can't see emmediate results before my eyes.

After teaching a room full of energized 10 year old boys.....I needed to hear that today.