Monday, March 24, 2008

Heart Matters...

No matter what you sit down to watch, whether in your home for a 30 minute segment or in a theatre for a 2.5 hour event, Hollywood is great. It is great because you can escape reality for a bit. You may be drawn to drama, comedy, or is all the same in the sense that you get to live outside of yourself for a bit. In that time frame; problems are presented, played out, and wrapped up in a neat little bow of a conclusion for you...the viewer. And you can feel satisfaction, even if it was a dumb movie, that things have been solved.
But the reality is is not really reality.
Life doesn't really work out the way things get portrayed on the screen. In real life, the bad guy doesn't suddenly turn to a life of repentance after get cold cocked by people who won't stand for his dramas anymore.
That is what was running thru my mind last night as I was getting ready for bed from a day of Easter celebrations and being with my family.

My family....
Some of us are a tight knit group. We support, encourage, and cheer one another on in all things. Others spiral away from that closeness and seem to do everything in their ability to sabotage that beauty.
Yesterday was a classic example of such an occasion.
I spent a good part of last night putting out fires, soothing emotional hurts and injustifications. The "what happened" details don't matter. I am sure you could insert your own family experiences here because I think we all have those kinds of people in our lives.

The heart details that keep weighing on me though is a different matter entirely.
When people lash out to swipe and hurt others, no matter how unjustified, if I retaliate with indignant anger then it solves nothing. Sure, there is a moment of satisfaction as the jerk gets his "just due". But remember the cliche 'Two wrongs don't make a right'? There is great wisdom in that phrase. The aftershocks of a verbal or even a physical fight would have affected all 28 people present. The lasting scars that people would wear would be worse then the original problem. The original offender, would not have backed down and said "oh you are right. I am sorry I have been so mean." Instead he would have been justified in his own mind at being venomous and festered even more in the future.

"How can you not want to hit him? How do you turn the other cheek over and over again?"
Believe me, it can be so hard. I don't always want to and I have definitely been known to throw out my fair share of silver-tongued poison-filled statements. But when I get to that point, like last night, that soft voice in my heart says, "He wasn't always this way. Yes he is spiteful, ugly, hurtful, and arrogant at the expense of everyone else....but he has grown into that. He is filled with arrogant pride because he has no pride. Don't fight the obvious bravado in front of you but look for the roots in heart that started it all."

I am reminded that when I pray, I must not only pray for him, but I must pray for myself as well. I must pray that I remember to look beyond the obvious. Otherwise it would be all too easy for my heart to turn to vengeance and spite. If that became the case, then my heart would be no different than his. At the end of the day, I must be able to look in the mirror and know that I have tried my best. I am responsible for my actions and choices, no matter what is thrown my way.

I don't write and share these things to say "aren't I great?"
Please know that is as far from the truth as the east is from the west. I am not all knowing or perfect. No one is. I certainly mess up...a lot.
My purpose is only to:
#1 sort thru my own feelings as I commit them to writing.
#2 Maybe someone reading this might be struggling with the same sort of issue and in some way be helped by my experience.


  1. It is always better to err on the side of compassion. I, too, try to look at the root of a behavior (not always easy because I am human)and address it from there. I believe that is why I have a very successful track record of working with the troublesome kids at school. I try to find out why they are troublesome, and address their needs.

  2. Sounds like you have mastered some good skills to deal with this person.

  3. Having been able to know a little bit about you through your writings, I wouldn't even consider that you approched this from a "aren't I great" perspective.

    I've seen your heart on your sleeve enough to know better.

  4. How come family reunion are always calling for trouble? it's the same everywhere darling Jules, and sure enough we all know that you're not all knowing, but maybe I would say almost perfect, from blog view of course! (kidding)

  5. Oh Hun~ I'm so sorry for the family drama on Easter... My heart goes out to you. Might I suggest later this week when you return that we grab dinner with a margarita ;) and whine on each other's shoulder.. I know I sure could use it and it sounds like you've got lots to update me on as well. Then we can end it with chocolate and you can share how your coast trip was.. Hugs to you until you return...

  6. I'm very lucky with my immediate family in that we pretty much all get on together, but moving out into the extended family there is someone who causes all sorts of hurt and pain to my Mum, which she then blames herself for. I really wish that she wouldn't, and try my best to let her know that she has done everything that she can, but it keeps happening, so I have every sympathy. I really understand why this person reacts the way that they do, but it is very unkind.

  7. Quilly, Jennifer, Jeff, Kitem, Trek, & Mima... Thank you so much for your understanding, your encouragement, and sharing with me. I am humbled by your comments and appreciate all that you offer.

    Trek...hmmm margaritas...I guess since we are meeting at 11 AM we should stay away from that idea, but I am all for the chocolate. Looking forward to the visit Sweets!

  8. When faced with a situation like this, the mantra I repeat to myself over and over is:

    "It is better to be kind than to be right."

    It looks like you've already learned this lesson well.

  9. Carolyn...thank you for stopping by to visit. That is definately a godo saying to keep in mind. Being right is a hollow thing if there is no one around. It is more important to share love with people.


I love to hear from other. Your opinions and viewpoints are always a blessing and encourage other readers as well.