Be Still the Storm....

We all make choices and decisions in every day living and raising a family. Along the way, we can sometimes look back and say, 'boy I wish we did that one differently'. One of those times for us has been the idea of credit and bills piling up on the counter. Braces, cars, credit lines....where is the line between 'must haves' and 'like to haves'? They were our choices to make, some good and some bad and we take full responsibility for them. So, for the past 3 1/2 years we have been working hard, very hard, at clearing it all up. For the most part, things have gone well and we are looking forward to the time when we aren't so restricted.

Occasionally there is a hiccup; a wake in the water that rocks our boat as we move along these waters. Hubby will pull a couple of extra shifts at work and then the waters smooth out again. The past couple of months though, several unexpected hiccups have splashed in front of us. As water does when it splashes, it got heavy and began to really pull us down.

It had been weighing on me and changing my thinking. I knew that if we could just surface once more then we could keep on sailing to the finish line. But how would we ever get back above water? I began to scold myself for being at home. Not regretting the time I spend with the girls and everything else I do, but regretting not doing anything for a paycheck. I had scolding thoughts that Hubby works had every day while I bring nothing home but a smile. How selfish it is of me to be looking forward to some quite time in the fall.

Yesterday I started looking online for part time jobs. I figured if I took a night job then I could work while they slept for a few months and then everything would be okay. I just needed to get us back on track. I also knew that I wouldn't tell anyone about my plans because I would be scolded.

I had a voice that kept quietly reassuring me saying, "Do not worry. God sees and it will be okay."

"I know He takes care of us", I said. "But I must make an effort too."

I kept flashing to scenes of people/friends in my past jumping up and down saying, "God put the money in our mailbox. It came when we were least expecting it and when we needed it the most!"

While I have always been genuinely happy for those people, I didn't believe I could be one of those people. Even after all of the wonderful things that have happened to us, I didn't believe.

Last night, I received a package in the mail from my father. Enclosed were a few things that he had been meaning to send me and a small note.

I was and am so overwhelmed. Thinking back to December when I flew out to be with him, God had provided for my plane ticket and now here was the amount almost 6 times over again. It is enough to get us back on track so that we can focus on that finish line.

There I sat, and still sit, with revelation upon revelation of emotions. I know God sees what I do, but He really SEES and understands that I am tired. It was confirmation that what I do at home IS important, more important than a paycheck. I know God provides, but He REALLY provides. I know my father loves me and wants our relationship to grow and move forward, but he genuinely REACHED out and desired to bless me without even knowing our current situation.

So, here is me full of confession, humility, and gratefulness.