Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Be Still the Storm....

We all make choices and decisions in every day living and raising a family. Along the way, we can sometimes look back and say, 'boy I wish we did that one differently'. One of those times for us has been the idea of credit and bills piling up on the counter. Braces, cars, credit lines....where is the line between 'must haves' and 'like to haves'? They were our choices to make, some good and some bad and we take full responsibility for them. So, for the past 3 1/2 years we have been working hard, very hard, at clearing it all up. For the most part, things have gone well and we are looking forward to the time when we aren't so restricted.

Occasionally there is a hiccup; a wake in the water that rocks our boat as we move along these waters. Hubby will pull a couple of extra shifts at work and then the waters smooth out again. The past couple of months though, several unexpected hiccups have splashed in front of us. As water does when it splashes, it got heavy and began to really pull us down.

It had been weighing on me and changing my thinking. I knew that if we could just surface once more then we could keep on sailing to the finish line. But how would we ever get back above water? I began to scold myself for being at home. Not regretting the time I spend with the girls and everything else I do, but regretting not doing anything for a paycheck. I had scolding thoughts that Hubby works had every day while I bring nothing home but a smile. How selfish it is of me to be looking forward to some quite time in the fall.

Yesterday I started looking online for part time jobs. I figured if I took a night job then I could work while they slept for a few months and then everything would be okay. I just needed to get us back on track. I also knew that I wouldn't tell anyone about my plans because I would be scolded.
I had a voice that kept quietly reassuring me saying, "Do not worry. God sees and it will be okay."
"I know He takes care of us", I said. "But I must make an effort too."
I kept flashing to scenes of people/friends in my past jumping up and down saying, "God put the money in our mailbox. It came when we were least expecting it and when we needed it the most!"
While I have always been genuinely happy for those people, I didn't believe I could be one of those people. Even after all of the wonderful things that have happened to us, I didn't believe.

Last night, I received a package in the mail from my father. Enclosed were a few things that he had been meaning to send me and a small note.

I was and am so overwhelmed. Thinking back to December when I flew out to be with him, God had provided for my plane ticket and now here was the amount almost 6 times over again. It is enough to get us back on track so that we can focus on that finish line.

There I sat, and still sit, with revelation upon revelation of emotions. I know God sees what I do, but He really SEES and understands that I am tired. It was confirmation that what I do at home IS important, more important than a paycheck. I know God provides, but He REALLY provides. I know my father loves me and wants our relationship to grow and move forward, but he genuinely REACHED out and desired to bless me without even knowing our current situation.

So, here is me full of confession, humility, and gratefulness.


  1. The hardest thing to do is to trust. And when we do little by little God draws us closer to Him.
    I am inspired my your testimony.

  2. A touching story. I'm glad things worked out even better than you'd hoped.

  3. Thank you for your transparent and honest words here. He is an awesome God and will provide everything we need.

    I understand about losing site of that at time, but I'm glad He chooses to love us anyway.

  4. Each time you recognize God's help, your faith grows stronger. This is another brick in your faith bridge.

  5. Gosh, things have been so busy here. I so miss having time to blog.

    Kelly, Jennifer, Jeff, Quilly... Thank you so much for sharing in my story and understanding. Days later I am still having waves of revelation and I still cry.

    Last night it dawned on me completely that my Heavenly father used my earthly father to bless us and fix our problem. The love of the father....
    It builds my faith in both of them at the same time.

  6. Funny how that all works out isn't it? I sure wish I had "listened" a lot more all these past years.

  7. C'est merveilleux.
    I honestly think these things happen to you because you really deserve them, you deserve God's love upon you.
    How would it be possible then?
    Right now, reading your post I felt so happy for you, it must also be God's attention to make everyone happy thru YOU.
    La vie est belle indeed.
    Thank you for sharing such intimate moments of your life.

  8. The blessings that we get are truly amazing sometimes...especially in their timing. Great post. Thanks for sharing this. Sounds like you have a great Dad...and he has a great daughter, as well!

  9. So "here is [You] full of" all of the wondrous "Fruits of The Spirit" and expressions and reflections of the grace that is the result of Your conscious choices to exercise Your Will to the betterment of your world and the loves of those who You touch. I know!! i am one of the beneficiaries of Your loving and generous Spirit. So There!! (guess I told you ... HUH!?)

    [huge loving admiring smile]

    I love You Girl!!


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