Sunday, May 11, 2008

I Am Breathing....

It seems that lately the time on the clock has been spinning more and more quickly around the dial. With end of year school projects, capstone presentations, volunteering, Sunday school lessons to plan, and all of the general things of family and head is now swirling even when my body stops moving. In between reading To Kill a Mockingbird and Summer of The Monkeys at the same time ( so that I can know what I am actually teaching) and examining the finer points of Solving for Unknown with Multiplicative Inverse, I am making making a mental list of all the things that I normally do which I haven't had opportunity to do. You know, things like beading, card making, blog visiting, being with friends.

Soon the gears will slow down. That will be so good because I really don't like it when I get in this mode. It is a mode that spins so fast, I know I am not giving correct devotion to any one thing. I see the things that need to be done but I am going so fast that I find I don't want to do any of it. I stop wanting to care and end up sitting with a numb feeling coursing through me. Then the pressure builds, the not caring builds, the numbing is a vicious and unproductive circle.

The little white dog that was staying with us this past week went home yesterday. Okay go ahead and laugh at how silly I am. I miss her. After that first couple of days when I thought I could be capable of inflicting inhumane pain on an animal, she calmed down and became angelic, while I became a sucker. Sigh...... I missed taking her out this morning, missed her running up to me last night to say a happy hello, and more than once I thought she was bumping up against my leg to ask for attention.

Also, this week was scary for a young teen friend of ours. At the beginning of the week he was admitted to the university hospital here in the city after having a heart attack. It was crazy to say the least. He is a healthy young man and it came as a shock to us all. It turns out that he had somehow acquired an infection in his heart that was attacking and destroying all tissues in its path. He is on the mend now and in a couple of weeks we will be able to find out what kind of permanent damage there is.

Last but not least, yesterday was my last day for volunteering with TIP. I know I have pulled the "I quit" card before but this time I mean it. It is such a privilege and honor to be in a position to be with people and help them when a crisis hits. The fact that I have been able to give encouragement and love to them when their hearts are most exposed to pain, I cherish each time. But I must grip the fact that I cannot be all things to all people at all times. It could very well be an organization that I work with in the future, but now is not my season. I need to allow myself a small bit of breathing room in my days. I cannot take care of others if I do not take care of myself first.
(Honorable mention of poast of the day from David at Authorblog. I am once again humbled and I must giggle. I am still in the foggy run run mode and when I saw his mention, it didn't even click that it was me. I simply thought, "oh look someone else has my name."


  1. T'is the season of teacher burn out. I want nothing more than 12 hours sleep per day myself. This, too, shall pass -- but you're right, a little extra self-care is necessary in order to refuel and refresh for the next round. Take a break.

  2. I clicked on TIP, i didn't know about that program, it looks very interesting, but also very demanding for volonteers, no wonder you quit, you look exhausted, try to take it easy, and as you say think yourself first.
    You know what? I have plenty of time myself, I would gladly give a hand if I could.

  3. I had to leave a comment because I can SO relate to what you are describing...time going by in a whirl and still so much left to does have a numbing effect, but soon we can roll up our pant legs and dip our toes in the cool waters at some sandy beach and feel refreshed...good luck getting through that vicious know if you get enough momentum.... :)

    anyway, Happy Mother's Day today...hopefully time is being a little gentler and you can enjoy some carefree moments ~

    good day sweet friend ~

  4. Yes, Jules, the hands of the clock have definitely been turning MUCH quicker. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day.

  5. Hey You,
    I'm sending you warm hugs this morning. I am so proud of you and your efforts to do the right thing for youself and your family. You are an amazing person and I love you lots... I can't believe you ended up liking the emotional dog? You must have saw something in her that I missed. ;) (~evil grin~)

  6. is the home stretch. Let's link arms and we will make it. Thank you for your smiles. sweet friend from far away. How great it would be to sit and visit with tea and flowers all around.

    Joni...ah, the sandy beaches and cool water. That sounds wonderful. My beach friend just invited me over when I find a window of opportunity. Thank you for visiting today and giving a smile of encouragement.

    David...thank for the well wishes. You knw, it was a wonderful mother's day. Church in the morning and then dinner at my mom's house with all of the family around. My husband and daughters even added to my Willow Tree statue collection. Not that gifts make the day mind you. It was simply a special day. wonderful cheerleader. Where would I be without you. Yes, darn it I got attached to the dog. Maybe I am the one with emotional problems eh? giggle giggle

  7. Jules, maybe it sounds as if you have had a switch on the no dog situation, and it sounds as if he also gave to you in taking him out for a walk, and the time for yourself that you got to take. Do take care of yourself, you can only do so much, and if you try to do too much it always leads to problems. Maybe the time will come to return to volunteering, but make sure that you look after you too!!

  8. Well Miss Jules as you see I haven't been here for awhile. I do not know where time goes :o) But one thing I am jumping up and down excited about is your last sentence. Yes dear we do need to take care of ourselves. So lets make a date!

  9. Mima...giggle giggle yes my heart is slowly warming up to having a dog. Two things are stopping me though. The first being the idea that we need another year and a half before we will have financial freedom. Right now I can't responsibly get an animal knowing that there will be vet bills and such. My second reason is that come fall I will have days alone for the first time...ever. I think I need to use that time alone to be alone. I guess I liken it to sort of like ending a relationship and learning to be comfortable with my individuality. I know, I am sure I am over analyzing things. You can laugh.

    Kelly...yeah, it is a statment that I seem to have to learn in different levels often huh. Getting together, I am completely ready. Do you remember the dates I gave you?


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