Saturday, March 28, 2009

Tears Dripped Onto My French Fries....

The girls are on Spring Break this week and having fun with their friends. The whole Gaggle Squad had gotten together at Harper's house so hubby and I had the evening to ourselves and decided to go and split a burger at Red Robin's.

We were sitting there enjoying the hub-bub of the atmosphere, good burgers and fries, along with our tower of onion rings when hubby looked at me and said with a big grin, "Well are you ever so happy with your new little baby boy?"

It was an honest and simple question, a question that deserved a fun and smiling answer. So you can imagine the shock on hubby's face when I welled up with tears and refused to speak for fear of blubbering all over the table. Poor hubby.

It surprised me too as my mind fought through the racing thoughts.....don't make a scene, it's is just a dog, get control of yourself, you are being way too emotional, come on now you pride yourself on being a steady and strong person, yeah and pride come before the fall.......
At the same time I worked through what words I would choose to try and explain myself as my memories passed through mental images stored in my heart of 1993 to 2001.

Bear with me please, because though many would say 'it's only a dog' my heart was forever tied......and then broken. I have to do this because it is part of healing.

His name was Samson. He was a Golden Retriever given to us in Okinawa by some friends of ours. We weren't shopping for a dog at the time. I had a toddler and a new baby at home and felt my plate was pretty full. But Jim and Barbie came to us with this little pup.

"He was the runt in a litter of 9", they said. "We felt so sad for him because there was just no room for him to grow properly in such a big litter and he is missing his front leg. We felt it only humane to put him down but our son Chris refused to let us. He is now three months old and has proven to be the strongest of all his brothers and sisters. Wouldn't you know he is now the biggest of all of them even though he is the last to hobble to his food bowl. We asked God what family could give him the attention he needs and you kept coming to our minds."

Hubby let it be my choice. Though he fell instantly in love, he knew I would be the one doing all the 'taking care of' since I was at home with the babies. One look at that little rolly polly guy and my heart melted. He was strong and sure of himself and had learned very well how to get around without a front leg. He even used his stub (He had a shoulder and part of a leg that extended a couple of inches down and ended with a tiny little paw pad.) for balance whenever he knelt down to smell the ground.

Samson was ever so smart and so quick to train. He became house broken after only 3 accidents. Leash or no leash was never a problem for him because he appointed himself the mighty protector to the girls and I. As a matter of fact, when he was only 8 months old he proved himself to be something of the movie famed Lassie. Our front yard was on a hillside slopping downward to the main street running through the base. As quick as quick can be, our toddler got up from our play area and started running down the hill....quickly losing her footing and control. Before I could even get completely on my feet, Samson ran passed her and stopped sideways. He had made himself to become something of a wall and caught her in his belly so that she bounced off him and fell to the ground. Then he nudged her with his nose to right herself up and waddle back to us.

Really, I promise it is a true store and no fabrication or truth stretching at all.

He went everywhere we went and did everything we did. It is hard to believe without seeing it but even with his missing front leg he loved to swim and did it with excellence. I could go on and on with so many stories but I fear of boring you.

When he was 8 years old, Samson started to slow down. He started to propel himself around the house by walking his hind feet and pushing his one good front leg in front of him, looking something like a wheel barrow I suppose. He was sore all the time but he never complained. He dutifully followed me everywhere around the house, always at my feet so that he could second guess whatever I needed. Eventually it became hard for him to even go outside to do his daily business, a fact that I could tell humiliated him. He would try so hard and then end up hurting himself with cuts and bruises from falling.

His front shoulder could no longer take the pressure of his 70 pound frame anymore. Surgery was not an option because there was no other leg to compensate during recovery. My husband and I did the only thing we could do for Samson. We held him and hugged him at the clinic as the vet helped him go to sleep one last time.

Oh Father God this still hurts so much. Please help me get through this and heal.

We did have a couple more dogs after that but it just wasn't the same for me. I tried to love them. I had compassion for them, I cared for them, but something was missing. I don't know if it was because my life was busy or if I was comparing or if I was just broken. I would often ask inside my heart....what is wrong with me? I didn't even want to be around friends pets and that confused me even more because I had always been something sort of an animal whisperer type of person. I began to think that maybe I just wasn't supposed to have animals anymore....

Until I started thinking about this little guy. When this thought started to grow in my head and heart almost a year ago to research Westies, things began to change in me. It took time to heal and change. God let it become a yearning for me because that is what I needed to clear away the emptiness that was in my heart.

Gosh I am so in love with this little fuzzball. It is only a week that he has been mine and he has completely changed my life. I am so grateful.
I had better stop writing for now and go clean the tears off my face. Thank you for listening and understanding. Thank you for letting me get it all out.


  1. I know exactly how you feel...We lost our dog, "Groucho," seven years ago...I haven't been able to bring myself to replace him...he had the same kind of intelligence and understanding...I love Randy Alcorn's thoughts about Heaven and animals in his book, Heaven. My Mom gave the book to me before she died...I am so glad that you have been blessed with Kekoa...We love our dogs like children, don't we?...Janine XO

  2. In Proverbs 12:10 the Bible says "A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel". God wants us to love our animals. They are a gift from him.

    I am glad that you know have the "little fuzzball" to love.

    An Arkies Musings

  3. You lost a child. There is no healing.

    Having lost a beloved pet/child, it is hard to invest in another, because their lives are so much shorter than ours. We know how life ends, and it is only natural that we not invest ourselves too much in what we know will cause us pain.

    Why are you ready now? Only God knows, but take comfort in that he does know, and no matter what, he will always take care of you.

  4. I know, Jules, I know. No one should own a dog if he does not love him and be prepared for the pain losing him will bring. Their love is unconditional, feed him don't feed him, walk him of not he willstill love us.

    I waited ten years for Milou, we are growing old together.

  5. Thanks for stopping by...for your so very kind comments...and for your friendship ...everything! Blessings! Janine

  6. Jules thanks for telling us,it's love alright.Now you have to Bulldogs in the house you know what i mean?????He He He Love to you all.

  7. For the MASTER of the house and hubby and you plus the rest of the family......


    The Dog

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop
    and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

    He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth.

    The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and
    a leg of lamb, please."

    The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a
    ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages
    and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

    The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides
    to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

    The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog
    puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he
    waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and
    he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

    The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

    The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and
    sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

    Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at
    the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the
    dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and
    climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

    The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog
    gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs,
    pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still
    in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

    They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up
    the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
    down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the

    He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself
    -whap!- against the door again! There's no answer at the door, so
    the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks
    along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his
    head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and
    waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door,
    and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

    The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?

    This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for Heaven's sake!" To which
    the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week
    he's forgotten his key!"LOVE POD.

  8. Yes, I understand, dogs let us touch inconditionnal love in us.
    here a funny little story.
    God, on the seventh day was walking his creation followed by his dog, God was happy with himself, proud of what He had achieved, He turned to the dog and told him that now He had done His best, He couldn't do any better, His job was finished He was going home.
    Bewildered, the dog asked: "are You leaving ne alone? and now what will happen to me? who am I going to follow everywhere? who am I waiting anxiously to return home, who am I going to love inconditionally? who'll be my master? who will take me for a stroll in the parc? on the beach, who'll be my best friend?"
    So God looked at the dog, and just to please him..created...

  9. Came over from Moannie's place.

    I can so identify with your post - we lost not one, but two beloved dogs in separate episodes in a five week period. One was my PAT therapy dog who worked with me visiting deaf-blind people and Alzheimer's victims. I and 'The Princess' were just so close ... . The other was a dear sweet old guy who didn't deserve to die the way he did.

    My heart is still breaking, the tears still flow. We both want to adopt again, but can't bring ourselves to do yet ... and yet, the house is so empty. I'm crying as I write this.

    I'm so glad you have a new pup to help you heal. One day we will have another dog too, but I fear I will be like you, and will still cry.

  10. Jules, this is a story that is so beautiful...of course you cried! I've only had a few special dogs throughout my life. Barney was my childhood companion, a little terrier mix, but he ran off shortly after my parents uprooted us from Houston and moved us to rural Georgia. I felt like going with him, wherever he wandered off to. Nikki was a white Samoyed who came to us from her third home. The girl I worked with was going to have her put down because she didn't get along with the Great Danes in the house! We took her and she became a wonderful family dog. We lost her in 2000, and we cried like babies for a good long time.

    Then little read about him on my blog. Bodhi was our "replacement pup", and it took me some time to warm up to him. Now he's my little shadow, always looking out for me. Lily is everyone's dog, but Bodhi has my number. Just like little Kekoa has yours.

    peace - D

  11. I also have had one special little dog and one special little cat that I loved more than any others and I didn't think I could survived without after they had to be put down.
    Hope your little fuzzball will give you much happiness. You will never forget your original pet but there is always room in your heart for another one to love. its just that I have resisted for so long!

  12. What a beautiful post! Sampson sounds wonderful - no wonder it took time. Isn't it great to have a fun little "fuzzball" that steals your heart?

    Thank you for the post and hope you have fun this afternoon with your cutie!

  13. It's been too long since I've stopped by! I didn't realize you had a new dog. He looks great! You'll get plenty of photo opps with this one. :-)

  14. Talking about wiping up the that I can see the computer screen again, I might be able to comment. What can I say that hasn't already been said? Thanks for sharing that wonderful story with us Jules. Sometimes we just have to wait till the time is right...and what an adorable little pup he have certainly done some excellent research! Almost enough for me to have to think hard about getting another labrador when the time comes....!

  15. What a sweet story for you to share. I can totally relate to getting attached to dogs...we've had only two dogs since the kids have been born. Our first was very protective and a definite family son found her floating in our pool (and she was a swimmer) was very traumatic and took us three years before we could open our hearts again...and then the time was right...we are on dog #2 now and she is my constant companion, just like one of the kids. I understand your tears...when the heart fills up, it's easy for the eyes to spring a leak.

    Sending you love dear friend ~
    Enjoy that pup...he's a gem.

  16. I've had some great hunting dogs. Spent a LOT of time with them and it was HARD when it was their time to go. It's never an easy thing. Enjoy the new one.

  17. For all the ways you bless my visits to your blog...stop by and pick up the little "award" I have gifted you with.

    Happy spring ~

  18. Hi Jules,
    Stopped in to say hi and the I saw the pup....he is so adorable.

  19. apologies are ever needed to explain why one of God's creatures has made a home in our hearts. Losing any of them is rough. I'm SO glad you found a new little creature to love and love you! Many happy years to you all. He's just adorable!

  20. Jules

    As one who remembers Samson quite well, I understand. And how loving and courageous of you to rescue him and love him for so long. What a happy life he had!!
    And you remember our Aslan, don't you? Well, we lost him to cancer 8 years ago Good Friday and you know how that must have been.
    We now have Angel, a white German Shepherd adopted from a shelter three years ago. What a joy! A 70pound cuddle bunny. I'll have to post pics on my blog.
    Kekoa - what an awesome pup!! And may he become that mighty warrior that is his name.


I love to hear from other. Your opinions and viewpoints are always a blessing and encourage other readers as well.