Friday, June 1, 2012
Here is the second part of my installment.......
#2 God loves to love on us in different ways.
It is such a joy and treasure to be able to recognize God in the many facets of our lives. To say that I see Him in the creation around me is humbling. To voice that I see His love in the lives of my loved ones is inspiring. To hear Him in my deepest thoughts and desires big and small.....well that is a treasure without compare.
My eyes and my heart have witnessed all of these things and I must write them down so time does not misplace them.
The story that comes to mind today has to do with my feet. Odd I know but hear me out.
I have always been sort of uncomfortable about feet. Why?.....I am clueless. For most of my life, having my feet touched for any reason has been simply nerve wracking. I can count on one hand being brave enough to muster the courage to try out a pedicure. I wrote about one of those liberating experiences here. Less than a month after that post, I can remember sitting in a spa chair with my sister-in-law and daughters at my side. We were having a de-stress day and getting ourselves ready for Daddy's funeral. It was one of those times when I was strong for so long and then.....then I just broke.
I had not had my feet touched since. It had seemed so sacred a time; a time so woven with the complexity of emotions that I dared not re-visit. But recently I have felt God talking to me about change, about going places in my heart less traveled. I began asking Him in private thoughts if I could once again have that experience. Once I casually asked and noted that it would be fun to have spring colors adorned on my feet. A second time I asked; that time with a bit more pondering of what it would mean. A third time I asked and confessed that I was truly ready to trust and be guided by Him.
All of my asking was done in secret, but oh how He loves those secrets of confession.
On that 3rd morning of asking, a dear treasured friend came over to give me a massage. (How spoiled I am to have a friend that comes complete with licensed smarts and a real massage table in her van!) She erected her table in my dining room and set the soft music playing. But before I could climb up on the table she said, "God says we have to do something else first. I don't know what He has planned but when I was unpacking a few minutes ago He told me that you get to have a foot massage today." Then she set about doing what she does best which is selflessly demonstrating God's love with complete humility.
What was designed to be a 30 minute pampering session turned out to be 90 minutes of time so special that it far exceeded my previous encounter from 2 years ago. The combination of soft aromatic scented lotions and essential oils along with the gentle touch of warm water, massage and steamed towels made me melt and ignore the world around me. Not even the bark of my over protective dogs alerting me that a leaf blew by the window could distract me from the attention of God's loving peace. I felt so safe, so protected, so very cherished. I couldn't hear the music or feel the couch beneath me. I tried to open my mouth and share how I felt but not a single muscle would respond......I could do nothing but BE.......
It was a time where time stopped. In that span, God hugged me, celebrated His design and gave me a peek at tomorrow. For the first time I can ever consciously remember, I have no fear of who I am or how I measure up. I had always held myself to a rule of standard and a hat to wear.....a hat for every occasion and responsibility. I have been WIFE, DAUGHTER, MOTHER, SISTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NIECE, COUSIN, AUNTIE, FRIEND, NEIGHBOR, ROLE MODEL, etc.
But how do I do ME? The time is changing and that dusty ME hat in the corner isn't to be ignored anymore. My fears had been: What if I don't do it right? What if I fail? What if I get it wrong? Those questions had always over powered my ME hat. It was way easier to hide under all the other hats that had uniformity and guidelines to them than to wear a hat so uniquely individual that it looks like no other.
Logically, mentally, intellectually.......I have known the answers to those questions. But my heart never owned them.....until that day; until that time; until that encounter.
Now I feel an indescribable ease and newness. There is excitement in the air that is pulsing all around me. I wake up in the morning with a feeling that no longer says, "You are so good God. I am sorry I hold You back."
Instead, I hear my heart resound,
"What is Your desire today God and I will celebrate it all with You and through You because I trust You!"