Beloved.....

It is painful to be a blooming young adult. I so remember that time where I felt I could conquer and change Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? How do I believe? Also in that mix was a million other questions that knocked without a name. They were just hanging around and nudging with their presence. It is that place where logically you know this time period happens to everyone; and yet such a statement cannot possibly begin to justify a fraction of validity in what you feel.


I remember being in that place where I felt I could conquer the world and become anything .......as long as I stayed ahead of the questions in my mind.

That is where our youngest is right now. It has been a long time now that she has been swimming in this ocean and the waves keep coming. She is fine, there is no danger of undertows. She just can't see the shore yet. I feel for her. Sometimes she is transparent with me while other times she can't even label it for herself much less put it to audible word.

I hug her when she lets me. I laugh with her and spend time with her every chance we get because it is connection.
I pray for her.

Prayer.....
I have been purposing to spend time with my Papa; purposing to read and sit. Things are slowly expanding for me. The absence is less and I feel hope. During worship last Sunday I told God, "here I am. I don't even know what to say right now but I know I need You."

The next day I was at the office and had an interesting encounter. A gentleman came in the front door asking for directions to a certain address. He looked very normal, slacks and sweater, he was maybe 28-35 years old. He was polite and unassuming. I looked up his address on my laptop and then a co-worker explained the directions. During our talk he made mention that he was on his way to a job interview. So when he was walking out I smiled and said, "God bless you on your interview." As he pushed the front door open he looked back at me and said, "Thank you my beloved." and then was gone.

I remember thinking that is not an every day statement. I looked at my co-worker but she was already almost to her office door. I didn't even think to ask if she heard. I settled back to my tasks and forgot what was said.

Later as I was heading to my car, I stopped in the middle of the parking lot as I replayed the morning's events, "Thank you my beloved."  Then it hit me fully. A dawning excitement washed over me and I jumped into my car so I could talk to God .....without appearing crazy.

"Lord that is not a normal statement to make. You don't hear friends say that to one another much less complete strangers. Was that You? Was I unaware of entertaining an angel? Was that You giving me encouragement that I am never alone and You hear and know my every thought?"

Whatever it was, whomever it was; I felt lighter all the way home. I felt like a beloved.