I have three fathers......
1) my God whom I often refer to as my Heavenly Father and never leaves me alone because He is in my heart.
2) my Dad who is my parent and biological father. He calls me his angel and we are working on having a real and current relationship that actively involves one another not just in heart but also in thought and deed. He lives in San Antonio.
3) then I have my Dad who became my step-dad when I was 14 years old. He and my mom never had children of their own. My brother and I became his children in all matters of heart and action. How blessed I have been over time for my heart to learn to call him Dad. How many ceaseless times he has proven to be there for our every need and care no matter what the sacrifice. He lives 15 minutes away with my mom and Nana.
My Dad and my Dad. It is funny......I call them the same name. I am sure it is confusing to those around me as they try to quickly figure out which man I am referring to. In my mind, when I say Dad and Dad, they sound different to me because I think in pictures and feelings. It is as different to me as when I say the name "Lonnie" who is my friend's husband or "Lani" which is my mom's dog. Go ahead and say them aloud. Or try Anne Shirley's Anne with an "e" instead of plain old Ann. Doesn't Anne with an "e" feel more eloquent on your tongue? Don't they feel different to you even though you say them the same?
So tonight I am thinking about a conversation I had today with my dad. (Did you hear it? Which one am I referring to? Right, the one who lives here.)
I had been visiting my mom and was leaving to finish the final preparations for my small part of my cousin's store. I couldn't make it all the way up the driveway though because Dad was coming down in his truck. So I backed up to let him pass. We pulled up side by side to each other's vehicles with windows down to give a "Hey how's your day going?" Dad quickly decided that wasn't enough and got out of his truck so that he could come stand by my car and visit a bit more personally.
We spoke of garden projects and airplane fixings (his job). Then he turned subjects on me and asked me what kind of fan I would like in my living room. Sounds like an odd question given the other topics right? There is a story behind it but not one that bears the importance of retelling. Suffice it to say that he got it in his mind that we needed a fan in our living room and more over, he needed to be the one to provide it. I tried to re-direct the conversation plenty of times but, if you know my precious Dad, that is much like re-directing a freight train through a pin hole. There we were, he wanting to freely buy something for us and me feeling the guilt of my Dad using his money on us when I know they need their own things.
Finally I asked why it was so important to him that we have a fan and that he got it for us. With misty eyes and before he realized what exactly came out of his mouth he said, "Because there is so much more I should have done over the years for you all."
I welled up with my own tears as I looked at him and said, "What do you mean? What more should you have done? Your heart was the most precious and dear thing you have ever given me and all I have ever needed."
It was precious and goofy all at the same time as we both donned the "hey why are you crying" badge. We were a sight. I guess we both needed it.
I doubt I have explained it here adequately enough to share the depths of our hearts in the moment but that is okay. I just wanted to share and wish the same special bonds of relationship into your life.