Everyone has been telling me it is going to rain today. They are excited because this southern area is most always in a stage of water rationing no matter what time of year it is. I felt anticipation at the thought of rain. Being from Oregon, I am very used to it and never complain. I find that the sweet cleansing smells and rhythmic sounds calm me and often remind me of how God cleanses us fresh.
So far though, all I have seen is a slight drizzle that somehow made a few drops fall off the house gutters even though the moisture in the air didn't even compare to a NW coastal fog.
Daddy is doing better today. When I had first arrived late Saturday, he had just had his chemo pump removed and it was such an effort to stay awake even for 15 minutes. Today is his 4th day with radiation only and he has a small spring in his step. He is shuffling around with more confidence and even made playful conversation with the dogs for a few minutes this afternoon. He made obvious effort this morning to walk over and hug me before he left for treatment.
When he came back from treatment I put Louis Giglio's "How Great Is Our God" into the dvd player. As I had hoped, it didn't take long for the message to grab his attention. He stayed awake through the whole thing and hummed in his beautiful baritone resonance during Chris Tomlin's rendition of Amazing Grace. Silent tears ran down my face for both the descriptive wonder of God expressed in the video and also that Daddy had obviously been touched.
That is what I want. My hope and goal is to open the door to Daddy that God is bigger than all of this. God is bigger than the numbers, the treatments, the medicine. God is bigger than the pain and frustration, the doubt and fear. And through it all, I want him to know that God sees him and has never ever left him.
The network of people here all love Daddy and want him to be better. Spiritually they vary in degrees of faith and confidence. There is the one who emphatically says he will get better.....as he tries to explain God away with logic. There is another that panics at the thought of what if and so determines he will get better because nothing else is bearable. Then another says that if it is how my Daddy believes then they will support him in that even though medically speaking the numbers aren't good. Others mostly stay away and sometimes call.......because they have busy lives full of family and job.....because time gets away.........maybe because they are too much reminded of watching their mom/grandma suffer through years of cancer and then have her be gone.
Who am I to say.
I just know that I am here with a fresh energy and I have this song going through my head today....
He saves forgives and heals
Takes back what the devil steals
My debts been paid in full
And every day He does miracles
I got dreams turned them into plans
Too big for human hands
Trust Him and see He's got all the power you need.
I am horrid at remembering titles but there are the words.
Daddy asked me to run through all the messages on his full answering machine (didn't think anyone still had one of those) and clear what wasn't necessary. It touched me, hugged me, and shocked me to find he has stored messages on that machine from us. All the times that we have called in the last year to say hi, he stored in his machine. His stored messages only leave room for a handful of new calls but it is obviously important to him to keep it that way. It makes me tear up to imagine him feeling lonely and turning on a message just to hear us.
"Hi Daddy. It's Julie. You must be at work right now. Sorry I missed you. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and loving you. Have a blessed day and I will call again."
As soon as payday fills our account, I want to go get the rest of the Louis Giglio series for him. I think he will really like that.
Blessings to you.
Thank you for your encouragment and prayers.