Wednesday, January 20, 2010

No Roller Coasters Here.....

Watching Daddy go so drastically up and down with his strength is hard. I have to remember to sit on the side lines and not jump on the emotional roller coaster. He woke up this morning so talkative. He cracked jokes and jumped up to do a couple of small things all by himself. Then 3 hours later he crashed and is back to barely able to whisper a handful of words to me. I had to really rouse him to encourage him in letting me hook up his meds and nutrition for the day. That is okay. A nice long nap and he will be more like himself again.

Last night Daddy asked for a dose of morphine in his evening medicine cocktail. He hadn't taken it before since I have been here so I worried at the thought and questioned if he was really hurting badly. He promised he was only a bit in discomfort and assured me that it wasn't a big enough does that he would get addicted. (I guess if I had toxic poison coursing through my body and a plastic tube implanted in my stomach I would like the edge taken off every now and again too. I made it up the way he requested and stayed up until after midnight just to "casually" watch him before I gave in to sleep. I got up a couple of hours later to peek in on him and created a disaster all by myself. There are gates around the house to keep the dogs in certain areas. My gracefulness (or lack of) miss-judged a gate and the position of a dog and everything in this sentence went flying in different directions. Poor Daddy jumped up so scared and worried for me......while my pride was hurt and I was chastising myself for being such a klutz.
Praise God my back is fine.

I have kept busy looking for things to do. I couldn't help but notice yesterday that the dinning room and formal room smelled really stale. The dogs aren't allowed in there and Daddy never goes that way except to shuffle through the front door to appointments. All the same, I felt it needed an overhaul. This morning I cleaned, dusted, arranged, primed the carpet, vacuumed, swept, and mopped. Then I opened the curtains and let the sun shine in to do it's share of the work. Ahhh......much better now.

Yesterday Daddy insisted that I go to the store to get some crafting items for my hands to work on. He worries about me sitting there watching him sleep. So, what is a girl to do when her Daddy hands over his credit card and demands it be used? I tried so hard not to take advantage but I did have a little fun getting some bead basics. My goodness I forgot how quickly things add up even when I find sales.

My cousin was so patient with me. He took me to 2 bead stores and we went to lunch. 4 hours later we were back home and he was starting to re-assess his blanket statement of, "anything you need, any time just give me a holler". Poor guy. But he never complained.

Here are the projects I worked on last night. It is poor image quality because it's a cell phone picture but this way I can keep it on file for later ideas. I've never made a 3 strand bracelet before and was guessing at what to do but I guess it came out alright. I fashioned it for my cousin. It says "Logan's Grandma" in the beads. I tried very hard to lean towards more of a bohemian style like she gravitates to instead of the pearls and crystals that I like. My step-sister was thrilled with the bookmark I made her and requested one for her friend too.

Earlier this week I experienced a God time where I felt so used and guided. I mean, I know all times are His and I just have to keep my eyes open. But this was one of those times when I listened and saw. She walked in the door crying. The new job was proving to be too physically demanding for her and she had just quit. Because she felt that God had opened the door for her to be hired, she was then beating herself up at the idea of letting God down. That brought on other ideas of past failures and life spiraled. Her shoulders were low and she was a wreck. Oh how I hate it when the enemy gets into peoples thoughts and has a party wrecking havoc.

I hugged her for a long time and re-enforced to her that God loves her with an everlasting love. He is so in love in fact that He will never give up and walk away but will instead ALWAYS move mountains on her behalf. We talked through some ideas about her future job opportunities and God's love, will, and purpose in her life. We visited the scriptures that say how powerful our tongue is and how important it is to speak truth because our spirit believes what it hears. Because we are broken, we gravitate towards breaking ourselves down all the more. It is all too easy to say "I am so stupid" or "Useless me". Those words cut and effect how we view ourselves. Instead we must focus on truth. The truth is that God didn't make us useless or stupid or even a waste of time. He made us in His image to carry His power and glory and fulfill His purpose as we bask in His love and worship Him in gratitude. In Him we are a new and amazing creation. We spent the afternoon watching that Louis Giglio dvd and she was a completely different woman when she left for home.

God I am so grateful for You. I thank You for Your presence and peace. Your majesty and glory shine everywhere and speak a glowing testimony of You. From the complex structure of a single strand of DNA to the idea that clouds are particles of water that band together in the sky defying gravity.....You are everywhere showing Your presence, creativity, and Your love.

Have a blessed and wonderful day today.


  1. Dear Jules what can i say.Love you and your family will keep praying Alan.

  2. Well Jules if you get Daddy's charge card again call and I will go shopping with you! lol

    Lord brought you to mind this morning on the way to work...Prayers were lifted!!


  3. Alan...thank you so much. We can never have too many prayers.

    Kelly....haa haa It is such a mind shift to carry around his card. I got asked the other day if I could prove I was really his daughter. But then by the time we got done talking she totally trusted that I wasn't a thief.



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