Ahhh.......the house is quiet and Daddy is napping.
My step-brother came over today with his 3 kiddos and new wife. It was nice to see everyone but the combustive energy of 3 children under age 5 is a lot for Daddy to handle in large amounts. Plus their visit brought out my step-sister and her 2 grown girls......and friends from out of town are here this weekend and stopping in for short visits.
Now everyone is gone and the dogs are settling in for an afternoon siesta.
One of the friends gave Daddy a long foot and head rub so he is very peacefully now.
So what have the past few days been like here? I can say with confidence that it is somewhat of a blur and I must confess to locking myself in the bathroom and riding that emotional roller coaster a little bit. I tried to sit down a couple of times to write but felt too depleted to produce a single sentence.
I know that God is in control and God is the Great physician and God can do mightier things than even medicine can explain. I have complete faith for that. But sometimes the weight of the world gets to be too much and clouds everything over.
A couple of nights ago my cousin and I were visiting and going through Daddy's hospital papers. She pushed a packet in my direction and commented that it would be an important one for me to familiarize myself with. Paper after paper passed in front of my face and then all of a sudden I found myself in the middle of a 3 page pathology report and there were diagnosis conclusions stated on there that Daddy never told me. He never told me about what stage he was diagnosed with or the medical findings for the rate of remission and subsequent years before it returns. He has simply always said that people make the percentage of recovery and he will be in that percentage.
My world felt violated.
My cousin kept talking but I wasn't hearing a word she said. Her voice was a background noise to everything swimming in front of me. I willed myself not to cry because I feared not being able to stop once I started and what good would I be to everyone then. Instead I flipped on my auto switch and mechanically answered her questions and jokes. Eventually, "sure I'll go shopping with you even though it is 10:30 at night." I thought maybe the change in scenery and fresh air would do me good. But she kept talking..........
It's not that she said anything wrong or that I didn't enjoy her company. She is a sweetheart. I just didn't want to hear anything.
We walked the store and I went back and forth along the isles thinking there was something I made note of to buy earlier but I just couldn't find that mental sticky note anywhere.
I thought, "God I can't breathe. I need You." I heard Him say, "I am with you. Let me speak to your soul. Sing with Me."
I was too empty to even care what others might think. I started humming and pretty soon I was singing loud enough for the people in the next isle to hear me.
Arise in me, arise in me, arise Arise in me, arise in me, arise Arise in me, arise in me, arise
I felt my spirit lift, my shoulders straighten, and the fog clear in my head. God is so amazing.
Other things God is doing......
*I put soaking music on this morning while doing the morning clean and Daddy tuned into it. Normally he has the tv blaring but it happened to be off. Listening to that music, it was like he was cradled in God's arms. He looked so peaceful. He mumbled, "that is really beautiful....." and drifted off to sleep.
*My step-sister is coming over every day now to talk with me about God and learn more of the peace in having an unconditional relationship with Him that is filled with love instead of law.
Then with the other things I have going on here....namely the dogs...I am now of first name basis with the vet clinic. I feel bad for Daddy's credit card but I keep finding things wrong with the dogs and he has been in no shape to do anything for them. A couple of days ago I took Tia in to get a huge hump on her back and multiple smaller ones around her mid section looked at. The small lumps turned out to be fatty cysts while the large one was a giant water cyst. It was easy to drain with a needle and syringe so I can do it myself when it fills again in time. Then her ears were infected and that needed tending.
Yesterday I took Chica in to get her teeth looked at. I had noticed that she would occasionally yelp when trying to eat. A quick surgery and 7 less teeth later she is like a new girl.
Now I am giving meds twice a day to MiJito for the water that builds around his enlarged elderly heart, twice a day cleaning out Tia's ears and treating them so that they will come into balance, and now giving Chica antibiotics twice a day while her gums heal.
At least with the vigilant stand I have taken with putting all dogs outside every 2-3 hours they are almost accident free now. Everyone teases that "I am the new sheriff in town" and are a bit taken aback when I pick up dogs from their sleepy beds to put them outside. But when you have 6 dogs that have not had opportunity to go out much the past few months ....it is like starting over again.
And good news.......one of the dogs leaves tomorrow for a new home. She is one that never actually belonged to Daddy. He was doing a favor of sorts and had been her caregiver for the past 6 years.
Daddy is stirring now so I should go.
Thank you for your prayers and your smiles of love.
Have a blessed and wonderful day.