I have felt so snugly lazy the past couple of days. It has been softly raining here for the past 72 hours or so and I am loving the sounds and the freshness that the drizzle brings. It reminds me of home and solidifies in me even more that the green mountains and fresh air make me a NW girl at heart.
The rain here is not good for the land though. There is a neighborhood somewhere in town here that has absolutely fallen to pieces from water erosion and faulty contractor irresponsibility. There are approximately 25 families that are now displaced from all of the damage.
Tomorrow is Friday and Daddy will be able to go to the hospital and disconnect from his pump pack for 3 weeks. He really is doing so much better than last time and it affirms for me even more the importance that a positive atmosphere makes.
Even as recent as 3 weeks ago, Daddy could not even swallow a trickling sip of water. But now the past couple of days he has been able to swallow a couple of small medicine tablets. He sipped on a super small bit of coffee this morning and now 3 hours later it still hasn't come back to haunt him. I am so grateful for his progress.
I find that there are many times when he is quietly in pain or nauseated but doesn't ask for more medication. I don't know if it is because he is trying to push through it or because his mind is clouded enough that he doesn't think of it. But I am learning to recognize his tell-tale signs and offer. Relief washes over his face and he readily agrees for the help in most cases.
Last night was a good night for him so I prepared a surprise by hooking up his web camera and set up Skype. He was then able to see our little Angel-girl for the first time in "real-time". He was incredibly thrilled. Because he wears out fast when talking, he wasn't able to talk for too long. But it was still a highlight for him.
Yesterday morning we sat out in the sun room just talking and crying the morning away. I ventured to ask him what touched him the most about reading The Shack and what brought on his comment about hoping it to be a true story. Without skipping a beat he looked me in the eye and said, "Walking along side Jesus and talking with Him. And it was really neat to read about Mack walking on the water with Jesus."
Then I really entered into waters that I wanted to be sure of. "Daddy I know that you have deep memories of revival tent meetings when you were growing up and I know that you know God is very real. But we can know God and not ever take that next important step. Has there been a pivotal time in your life when you have asked Jesus to live in your heart and be a part of your every minute?"
He told me about being 14 or 15 years of age and right in the middle of service it hit him square in the face the awesomeness and reality of Jesus and he went up to the altar and cried for all he was worth. He went on to tell me about falling away for a time when he joined the military. Then looking into my face as a baby and realizing that he wanted to be a better daddy for me. Over time he fell back again and then didn't start to really think about God until the past few years.
The whole time he was talking, silent tears ran down his face unashamed.
He said, "I know God is in charge of everything and His will rules. And if He sees fit to get me through this then it will be part of His will and a glorious miracle. And if I don't make it then that is all right too. I just have to know that there is still purpose for me in being here."
"Daddy in every day that God has us wake and with every breath we breathe there is purpose and destiny. Do you know Daddy that God loves you with an every lasting love and He did not put this cancer on you? There are bad things in this world because the world is broken. But God takes those bad things and promises that He will carry us through them and shape them for His glory and good."
He agreed without hesitation. He knows.
For now I must go. With home health visits (oh and I re-booked my ticket today and am staying through mid March) and such it has taken me something like 6 hours to write this.
Thank you for your encouragement and your prayers.
Have a blessed and wonderful day!