She was very bubbly and joyous as she greeted the regular faces around the oncology ward. I saw her fluttering around the halls numerous times while we were there. At one point we were headed for the same elevator and exchanged smiles. "Excuse me honey", I said as I patted her on the shoulder. "Let me help you out here. Your sweater is on inside out."
She laughed at herself and fixed the garment. Then she gasped at the realization of how many people she had conversed with over a large period of time who had not said anything to her about fast clothing choices. I had to get going so I said a couple of small pleasantries and waved goodbye. "You have an absolutely wonderful day and God bless you", I called out.
Again she gasped. "Oh my gosh! How did you know that I am religious? That's amazing! Really, how did you know?"
I didn't know what to say to answer her question and kept walking away with a smile and wave. Her reaction had really thrown me. When I speak a 'blessing' to someone it is not because I've decided that they are like minded in thinking the way I do. It is because I simply want to encourage them and credit God to always being around. For some reason I have assumed that everyone else used blessings in the same way. If I saved my proclamations for only certain ones then I wouldn't really be treating all people equal.
I keep thinking about her......
I was standing at the checkout line and he was in front of me. After exchanging smiles he introduced himself as Sterling Hudson. He wasn't from around here and assumed I was a local. He asked if I could give him directions to the certain stores he was looking for. I laughed and professed my own lack of knowledge and limitations because this is not home for me either.
Our conversation progressed.....
"What brings me to hot San Antonio where the heat index is above 100 degrees every day? Well I am visiting my dad for the summer.
Yes it is a good visit indeed. Actually my dad has cancer and I am here to encourage and help him. It has been such a blessing for us to be together."
As he loaded his intended purchases onto the conveyor belt for checkout he asked for my dad's name. He said he was sorry for the hardship we are going through and that he would be praying for us. Then he stopped what he was doing and said, "Actually would you mind if I pray with you right here and now?"
I don't know which was more fun....standing there in WalMart getting a hug from God or telling Daddy about it all when I got home. It blessed him that a stranger would take the time to stop and reach out like that.
Daddy's symptoms have come back so we have stopped the chemo doses again. His feet are tender, hands are peeling, and the inside of his mouth is sore. He puts on a smile but I can see he is feeling down. When I carefully point out that I see something hurts he panics and asks how I can tell.....as if he wants to learn how to hide it better.
There are things now that I do for him just because he doesn't have the energy to do them on his own and I can see he is wrestling with the reality of losing independence. No matter how careful and gracious I am, I know he must be dealing with the idea that he is physically not my strong daddy anymore and I am caring for him instead of him caring for me.
There are times when he breaks. Then he lets me hold him and we cry together. Crying is a tender thing to share and it is healing medicine.
Wednesday we will get the results of the latest scan and then develop a new game plan with his doctor in hopes of fighting off the side effect symptoms of the chemotherapy.
I have an obsession now. I have decided that I desperately want an e-reader and have been doing research for which model would best suit my needs. Of course I don't have the funds to purchase such a toy but I am enjoying fine tuning my pros and cons list. I laugh at myself for wanting one and Rixxi must be laughing too as she reads this because it was not so very long ago that we made great sport together in making fun of such technology. Who would want such a thing that would discard the romance and ambiance in the smell and feel of a book?
But then again, as I have learned more about them....wow are they convenient and versatile. All of these long hospital trips and couch sitting would be so much nicer if I had a fun tech toy instead of heavy books to lug around. I am smiling just to picture it. I do so love electronic toys.
Sigh....wipe the drooling daze off your face Julie and stop being silly.
Thank you for your support and prayers of encouragement.
Have a blessed and wonderful day!