Changes...

So much has changed.
The strength of our minds and what we will ourselves to push through has never been more apparent to me than it is now. It amazes me to look back now and realize just how much Daddy has been pushing himself through with his continual response of "I'm just wonderful".

Wednesday morning at 5am Daddy got up from his chair and in 3 steps he lost the last of his physical strength. With God's help I was able to keep both of us from falling and fen angled him back into his recliner where I balanced him on the edge of his seat for almost 2 hours until my morning help arrived.

Daddy is now comfortable in the bed and I must keep him medicated around the clock for his safety and peace. Once he became weak, Daddy's physical health declined rapidly. In a matter of hours we went from being able to walk outside and carry on short conversations to my own fearing realization that I couldn't not safely provide care for him by myself.

Our amazing angel, our hospice care manager, began the process the yesterday morning of getting around the clock nursing staff in here to help me. I am so grateful. Such a weight has been lifted off of me in knowing it is not my sole responsibility to continuously assess Daddy's vitals and think of every angle of his care. It is such a relief to not have to plan out how to turn him and change him by myself. The nurse here has helped me to adjust his medication and get him into a place where he is more comfortable than he has been in a week.

Despite his lethargy, his body's refusal for nutrition and hydration as well as his lungs becoming more wet by the hour.....he still tries to lift his hand and mumble when I whisper "I love you" in his ear.

My brother is here now and he has been such an amazing support. His presence here has given me the opportunity to relax my mind and not think ten steps ahead. As he laid his luggage on the floor he was asking me to show him how to use the various pieces of medical equipment here so that he could do everything that I had been doing.

I don't like to leave Daddy for very long and I sleep on a chase that I put next to his bed. But having the nurse here last night gave me the opportunity to feel safety in submitting to sleep. Until the nurses arrived with their blessed help I had been administering calming medication every hour with no breaks for 3 days straight and sleeping in 3o minute increments.

Family will be driving in today and Red Cross has made the necessary arrangements to get our youngest brother back here from Iraq.

I don't know what will happen now but I am so grateful for God's hand in keeping us safe and for providing caring and gracious people all around.