Wednesday, February 2, 2011

In My Head and On My Heart.....

  I have had this experience sitting in my head and on my heart for a little over a week now and haven't been able to figure out quite how to write about it. I still am not really sure but I want to journal it before it gets all fuzzy.

God speaks to us in different ways. He uses his audible voice, our conscience, scripture, the people and things around us and even things that we casually brush off as coincidence.  Many times He will use a combination of things to get our attention and speak to us; not that He has to do it that way but mostly because we tend to not pay attention unless it becomes repetitive.  Sometimes the things God tells is to help us through a present issue and sometimes it is to help us understand something in the past or future.

 I am prefacing was all of that because I have recently found myself in a place of hearing His nudging of direction and have needed Him to tell me over and over again in different ways to finally let it seep into my heart.
While I will share my thoughts and desires transparently here in my cyber journal, I will rarely discuss my circling thoughts out loud to those around me. It is not that I don't want to share. It is just that it takes so long to find the right words to express what I am thinking.  So when someone(s) come to me and says, "God wants me to tell you something", I know it is not from any personal thing they conjured up from their personal thoughts.

It all started at my church 2 weeks ago. I went feeling great and happy to be there.  I was greeting different people and enjoying my social time before service started when one specific person came up to hug me. It wasn't a friend hug that I received. I mean, it was a friend hug in the sense that she is a dear friend to me. But it was so much more than a "Good morning and glad to see you" type of hug. Instantly I felt God all around me and it was as if my feet were off the ground and He held me. The flood of emotion was unexpected like a beautiful song as I drifted in the embrace that was everything in a few short seconds.

As service started, I tried to wrap my brain around what happened but at the same time didn't care. I wanted to enjoy it for what it was without analyzing it to pieces. Sometimes during our worship part of service I simply sing along with the music. Sometimes I smile and clap or move ever so slightly to the beat of the song. More and more though, I find myself in the back of the room with huge flag banners in my hands moving in time with the music. It feels as if my flags are dancing an amazing ballet with the Holy Spirit in the air and I get lost in it all. That is what I chose to do that day.

As I was spinning and flying, I felt a tap on my shoulder from another dear friend. She said, "God wants me to tell you something and it is important that you know now before worship is finished today.  He wants you to know that you are entering a new season, a season you have never experienced before. Your time with Him, your worship with Him, your intimacy with Him is all going to change and become even deeper. From this very moment you are changed and different.  Deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper........"

As I finished worship I dwelt on God's goodness and thought about seasons, being with my dad, everything being so different and the thoughts I have had on just how my life is different and changed so much over the last couple of years. I thought about my new goals and wondered what ones I had yet to even dream up much less the ones I have in my heart that I haven't walked through.

After service I decided to go to our art ministry just to see what would happen. I had never really given that ministry much thought before but felt very drawn to it that day. Here is what happened.

The person doing my art simply held my hands and prayed for God to show her something that He wanted to share with me that day. She kept her eyes closed for a minute and then looked at me and said, "oh wow. This is good. I need to get this all on paper so I don't forget any of it."  Below is what she drew. It scanned into my computer very light but I will explain.

She drew a fast moving river with a raft in the middle of it. I am in the raft (the top smiley face on the left) and it is full of other people.The raft itself bears no significance except to show that I am with others in the middle of the flow and not merely a spectator on the side left behind. She said it would be easy for me to feel that with everything of this last year I could feel as though I have missed out on so many things but God is not letting me miss a thing. 

You can't see from this scan but there is a waterfall ahead and my smiley face is looking towards it with joy and expectation. She said that while at times I am perplexed as to my future, I have no fear of whatever will happen next and I have expectation for it to happen. 


Like I said, I had never paid attention to that kind of prayer art before. I found it very interesting and touching. There is no denying that there is similarity with each experience I had that morning.
After I wiped back the tears off my face I got to thinking more about what it all means and where do I go from here.

I keep thinking about my desire in learning to play cello. How many times I have said this is not the season because my hands are full with Angel-girl. But really? Is it impossible to do right now?  Does that word spoken over me that my worship and time with God is different and changed from that moment forward mean that I can now magically play the cello  or that I will become so fanciful and perfect at it?  No.  But maybe it is referring to the destiny that we all have in us that doesn't happen by us just sitting around.

It took a very long time for me to write and explain all of that out and I still am not quite sure what it all means 100% or even what my plan is. But maybe I should look into pricing lessons and what it would take to get a cello in my home.

This journey that we are all on is never dull for sure.

God bless you today with the knowledge and comfort of knowing just how amazing and important you truly are.


  1. Wow Jules, a deeper relationship with God. Awesome! What an experience you had. Amen. Listen to your heart and play.

  2. This was a wonderful thing to happen.Things will be different for you.
    Your church sounds a wonderful place, too.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  3. To be able to express one's worship to Papa through music is nothing short than absolutely amazing and wonderful. Something I myself have long to do. There is a special connection between you and Lord when you are caught up in the cloud of His presence in the middle of complete abandonment to him. And what better way to do that then with a cello. Its deep soulful sound, will sing praises to Him in your so to be skillful hands. I celebrate your journey. It blesses me to see His hand upon you.


I love to hear from other. Your opinions and viewpoints are always a blessing and encourage other readers as well.