October-fest

 October has come in like the wind that carries it. The air has a chill as it pulls through the leaves of color falling to the ground. While we are nailing down the house in preparation of winter's delights, October also brings about celebrations for us. It is the month of our anniversary and this year made 22 years strong.

Hubby and I decided to take off for 4 wonderful days and head up north in exploring new countrysides. We  booked our resort in Birch Bay, Washington located just 7 miles from the USA / Canada border. Neither of us have a current passport, so crossing the border was never an option. But hiking trails and exploring the local culture always makes for a time of refreshing.

From the moment we checked in, we felt so very celebrated. When we said we were there to celebrate, we were given a gift bag with a bottle of sparkling cocktail, chocolate mints and these adorable little toy ducks. 

Speaking of being blessed, it seemed that everywhere we went we made friends.  One couple that lives up there takes great sport in crabbing for Dungeness all through the season. Then with their freezer stocked piled, they delight in giving it all away.  I had tasted real crab only once before and was not impressed. I didn't want to offend them so I took all the fixings with a big smile and thank you and figured if nothing else, we would have a grand adventure of trying something new. Oh my goodness! Dungeness Crab fresh from the bay is so amazing! Hubby and I smacked our lips as we ate 4 crabs with salad, bread and our bottle of celebration cocktail until out tummies were round as beach balls.

As I said before, we hiked a lot during our stay. We pulled out our letterboxing kit and blew the dust off. It was good to explore the area while gaining insights to the area from our clue maps. The thrill of finding our treasure was quick to infect us with that old fever of treasure hunting delight and we began discussing other areas to explore or plant treasure boxes even before we were finished with the task finding at hand.

Here we are in Semiahmoo Marine Park.  Thought it is hard to see in this picture, right behind us and across the bay is the border crossing and Peace Arch Park. It was beautiful to sit here and watch the wildlife. The locals have taken great care in preserving the area for nature and it seems all live together with pride of harmony.

Peace Arch Park is a beautiful area where both counties work together to create an environment of unity in honor of peace. Visitors can picnic and take pictures in this small boundary land while having the thrill of saying they literally crossed the boundary line of countries without the pains of passports and such. Everywhere I looked there were people like us with their cameras clicking away. There were also border crossing guards everywhere just to make sure everyone was indeed safe. We noticed one gentleman sitting alone on a park bench and then another gentleman walked over and sat on the opposite end for a time and then left. It was like an espionage movie. I didn't think much about it but the border patrol sure did. They were on those two quick with all sorts of questions. Needless to say, we didn't stick around to see the outcome.

 My camera was faithful seemed permanently attached to my hands as shots were everywhere to be taken. This is a picture of Mt. Baker as seen from the marina at Semiahmoo Resort. I am told that it rains up there as much as it does down here in Portland. But we were blessed with these blue sunny skies all weekend for our delight. 

Papa God how grateful I am for the beautiful colors You created.

 

 

Here are a couple of sunset shots I took in the evenings while hiking. 

I loved the wisp of the clouds in the picture above.

Below, I was laying on the shore taking shots as the sun set. 

Hubby was having fun casting rocks and we happened to time everything just right to get this shot.

 

We loved our trip and are already discussing when to go back. 

Once we drove back into our city, the schedules we waiting at the door for us. There is work, office, the hub-bub of teen/young adult energy in the house, play practices, wedding plans, job interviews and the last of our babies about to be 18 and driving. Phew! It makes my head threaten to go light headed as I take in and savor each moment with the pride and joy of being a mom to my own as well as all of my heart adopted children.

But that is not all of the updates.
Our son called the morning after we got back. I was unpacking and sorting when he begged the question, "Hey Mom, what are your plans today?" He tried to sound casual but I know him too well. He and his wife had gotten up that morning and decided a drive would be fun and spontaneous. They had put the baby girls in the car and were on the 6 hour drive to surprise us.

Oh my goodness how quickly they grow!  And even though we had not seen them in 5 months, they were both so quick to allow us to love on them and share special moments.

This is my little Miss Izabell. She is now 8 months old. 

Those big blue eyes get me every time.

This is my little Miss Abbigail. She will be 2 years old in a couple of weeks. 

She also has those piercing blue eyes.

 It was a quick over night visit but we were so grateful for the time. They say they will be back over the summer with all 5 of the grand children. That will be a blast. We will have to make plans for great fun.

Thank You God for treasures of all shapes and sizes. 

Thank You for the celebration of time and the provisions of fun places to do it in.

 

May 2011

I have wanted to sit down so many times and write, but when my screen is in front of me I find myself full of emotion and blank on words.  There has been much to happen in the past few weeks. Often I have a snippet of a few sharing sentences that I make mental note of to share but they become lost or forgotten once I am at the computer.

This won’t be a well written post by any means. I will try to put together things as they come to mind. Thank you for …..well, I just thank you.

~~~~~

I wrote in my last post about our foster son. I have not heard from him since I dropped him off at the MAX Transit station that day. He had showered, slept and eaten well in that 24 hours and I packed him containers of food to go.  I don’t know if they were all the right things to do. Was I helping or enabling? I don’t think it really matters. It was my mother’s heart meeting him in what he needed at the time. Where is he now? I don’t know but I am choosing to hope that he did check into a rehab center and is in the “blackout” phase of his treatment and not allowed to make contact with anyone. God knows where he is and He can help him so much more completely than I could ever hope to.

~~~~~

A couple of weekends ago we drove up to Spokane to see our children and grandchildren. It was a great weekend. The children are growing like weeds and oh so full of character. I wish there was a way we could be closer in distance and see them more often. But our roots are firmly planted and delight in the quiet rain of the northwest while they are drawn to all that Spokane has to offer their young families.

We smiled as the 10 year old obsessed over the pangs of his first crush, smirked as the 5 year old tried to continually “mother” and “handle” everyone around, cuddled with the 3 year old that can never get enough hugs, laughed outright when the 18 month old ran around “honking” her nose with dimpled cheeks and most definitely we sighed plenty while holding our new 9 week old little granddaughter.

 

While we were there we did the big annual Bloomsday route. Hubby ran it with his brother while I walked it with a whole handful of relatives. The actual route was 7.5 miles. But by the time we parked, found our designated starting point, did the route with 50,000 other people, formed another line to pick up our finishing t-shirt and then found the car again…..it was over 10 miles.

I did it! I am so proud of myself. A year ago I was walking pretty regular. But being in Texas with my dad and then coming back home to rain and snow has kept my muscles in a fairly jello state. I was worried they would have to scrape me off the ground.  We did the whole thing in just under 3 hours. Considering we had a baby stroller, my 75 year old mother-in-law, numerous bathroom breaks and having to re-group to find our people…..I think we did amazing. I venture to say I may even do it again next year.

~~~~~

This is the time of year for Puddin’ to be going all over the place with her choir groups for end of year competitions. Last weekend they were in the state finals and placed 10^th. The group was a bit disappointed but I think it is something to be proud of.  Tuesday night they had their big spring concert. Puddin’ had been telling me all along that she had a solo for one of the songs. Little stinker didn’t say that she was going to be singing harmony duets for the whole song.  I posted it on youtube so that I could share. It is just a video clip from my camera but it still lets me be a proud mama all the same.

~~~~~

Next week my brother goes back to work. His color bone is not quite healed yet but he is far enough along that he is chomping at the bit to do more than be at home all day. So that means little Miss Angel-girl will be coming back over here to play and chatter away with her auntie during the week days.

~~~~~

I absolutely love the ministry I have been working with. It is quickly growing into more than I initially thought it would be but not for a single second does that scare or overwhelm me. I personally think that being an assistant is an incredible job. In my mind the pure definition of an assistant is to be extended hands for the head person, to anticipate their needs and equip them to shine fully in their calling. I love it. I love the balancing of being able to cheer and encourage the teams and then in the blink of an eye be able to dial back and be calm assurance for the people requesting appointments. I picture it like I am the bridge of communication between both sides and it is so very satisfying.

I remember sitting in the living room with Daddy last summer and out of the blue he said, “You know, you really need to pursue being some sort of counselor. I listen to you talk to everyone here and you are very good at your insight and patience.”  It blesses me to picture him smiling and watching now. 

~~~~~

I was asked by someone yesterday how I am doing now that Daddy is gone and I have been home for a few months. I didn’t know how to answer. I really wanted to avoid the question all together. Instead I thanked her for the compassion as I stumbled through trying to express a small portion of what keeps me feeling……..like I don’t know how to feel.

I have said before and I will say again (as if in my mind it helps me to validate my lack of being able to communicate) I don’t wish him back. I know where he is and am so grateful for the fullness of never ending joy and love he has now. I cherish the extra time we had and the memories that I never imagined I could own. I am happy to be home and with my family. I love my days and activities. Yet…..no matter what I do with my day it is like Daddy is on part of my mind. Everything seems to bring about a subconscious thought of “What would Daddy think of that?” or “That would make Daddy giggle.” It is almost as if I could turn around and he would be there to lend his input….which is so strange since that was never the pattern of our relationship.

Most every night I dream of caring for him or odd things like arguing with the doctors because he is alive and I am trying to explain to them that he has already passed and they need to let him go. It is exhausting. I am trying to figure out what feelings to own, what to toss and what to deal with. I know that much of what I feel is not part of God’s attributes so I can filter it through and not claim it. But still….many days I almost feel I was better off when I was numb and moving forward. The pictures of us together that I proudly put up when I came home….now I fight wanting to turn them face down because they bring up feelings I don’t want to even have.

~~~~~

In an opposite realm, I feel so strange in my relationship to God right now. I know He is here. I depend on Him being here. I completely trust that He is walking with me, holding me, guiding me, protecting me….and yet I feel so very vacant and distant. I open my bible to read and just stare at the pages. I sit to pray but the quiet is so uncomfortable.

I know that God loves me where I am at but it amazes me that I am still being used. Someone said to me last night that every time she is with me she is overwhelmed with the peace and grace that God offers through His love. It was so very much a humbling thing to hear. I thought, “God I feel too broken right now to be aware of hearing You and yet You still guide my steps to do and bless others. How that works is only by Your orchestrating.”

I feel such guidance when I am helping others. It is a factual and obvious guidance that most often takes no second guessing. I just know it is the right thing to say or do. But for myself I feel vacant.

I most often handle inquiries people ask about me with a careful but quick answer.  It is not that I am purposing to be deceptive. I just don’t know how to answer and would rather look forward to what is in store instead of flat spinning in something I don’t understand. This is such a weird time for me. I don’t understand it. I’ve stopped wanting to analyze and understand it. I choose now to just ride it out and hold on to what I know. I press through and do the things I know to be true and right because I know sooner or later everything will balance out. God promises it will. He says everything is a season.

The truth is that He cares for me affectionately and watchfully (1 Peter 5:7). He sustains me and will never allow me to slip, fall or fail (Psalm 55:22)   That is what I hold to.

~~~~~

At the same time, God is moving mightily around us and I don’t feel that I am missing out on anything.  God is here, God is everywhere but it is so humbling to know that He is finding the open freedom here to so more of Himself. As a church we are getting calls and visits from all over the state wanting to glean what we are doing with our church.  What are we doing?  As near as I can figure to explain, we aren’t tying up God with scores of rules and time tables. We are only opening our minds to how big and great He is.

There is a freedom happening that makes people feel so safe, even when they don’t know what is going on. As our teams go out to share about God’s love people are listening and responding by the hundreds. From all areas of our diverse Portland culture people want to know the intimacy of God….and things are happening.

Here is a link to a post written by one of our friends. Leg Grows Out - Major Healing! His story is amazing and the videos in his story blow my mind. It is a posting that will take maybe 20 minutes of your day. I encourage you to read and view all three videos when you have time. 

God bless you greatly in all you do for you are loved with a never ending passion.

Proud and Blessed....

This morning Pippin came out of her room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she readied herself for work. Her first in the list of preparations was to come over and give me a snuggle. I happened to be in just the right spot that my ear landed on her heart when she pulled me close and it blessed me so. I heard her heart go from a fast rap-a-tap beat to a slow rhythm as she took in a sigh and relaxed into my arms. Moments like that are simply priceless.

~~~~~

I just have to be a proud grandma and she the new pictures we received in the mail. Goodness these kiddos are growing up fast.  They are working on getting pictures of the baby to us. Here is what we have so far....

Kobe, our intellectual

age 10 years old

Brynn, our diva ballerina

age 6 1/2 years old

Renner,  our open hearted cuddle-bug

age 3 1/2 years old

Abbigail, our sweet quiet observer

age 16 months

I couldn't decide which picture of Abbigail to post. 

I had 5 to choose from and both of these are favorites of mine.

 ~~~~~

I must run for now and get started with my day. There is tons of grocery shopping to do. Then tonight we are headed downtown for a hip-hop concert. Yes me at a hip-hop concert. We have the privilege of having an amazing young man in our church who has quite the talent and we are going tonight to be supportive of him. I must admit, his songs are addictive. 

A Week in Review...

Just before Christmas I began to care for our Angel-girl full time while my brother and sister-in-law are at work. I am having too much fun with her but also am acutely reminded that chasing a 16 month old around my house is not as easy as it used to be. I want to post an updated picture of her but she keeps me just busy enough that I don't think about snapping a picture until she is gone for the evening. Having a toddler around makes me laugh and I remember the joys in the simple things like.....taking a shower, nap time and praises go to the person who thought up the idea of a child play area corral. She is an adorable treasure.

My days are suddenly fast paced and it amazes me how I used to do this all the time and never thought a thing about it...because that is just what moms do.

5:30am My alarm is set for me to jump up each morning but in actuality I am awake at 4am when hubby has to roll out of bed to begin his day behind the wheel. I get up that early to get Puddin' set for school. I know at 17 years old she can technically get herself up and ready but I think it is so much more comforting to have a mom hug and warm breakfast waiting at the table while the world is still waking in the dark.

7:30am This is when I pull in the driveway from taking Puddin' to school and my brother is waiting in his truck for me to take Angel-girl.
The day is filled with play, breakfast, play, nap, lunch, play. Her little legs run her all over the house as she squeals in the delight of adventure until 2:30pm when her mom picks her up.

3pm till 4pm I rush around picking up things and throwing together dinner. Then grab Puddin' from school and start all of the evening things. With having young adult girls in the house that need to talk, download their days and get my opinion on things (which I am so grateful they all desire my input) it seems no matter how hard I try, I can't get into bed before midnight.
Then Hubby's alarm goes off at 4am......

I will adjust. I am a bit tired but I know things will balance out.

~~~~~

So how was the rest of my week beyond the basic schedule?
Here was a highlight...
Last Wednesday just before youth group I received a call from Icca-Chou. Her car was out of gas and she was stranded on the freeway. Poor thing. She tries so hard to keep gas in her tank but her gauge is broken and she doesn't always guess right. I picked her up and took her to youth so she could unwind and after the festivities we then borrowed a gas can and headed back.

There we were at 10pm at night on an unlit area of I-205 trying to stay far away from traffic while attempting to balance and pour a 5 gallon can of gas. A truck pulled up behind us and we all had a slight moment of panic. But the driver ended up being an angel for us. He was driving a tow truck and was on his way to cover his usual route when he saw us long the side of the road. He turned on his big lights and then took over pouring the gas can for us. He refused any compensation but a "God bless you" and a hand shake. Then he sat in his truck with lights shining and waited for both of us to safely pull back into traffic before heading on his way.
I have to say that even though I knew I could have been a big girl and take care of myself and the 5 girls with me.....I sure was grateful for 'entertaining angels'.

Here is a recent picture of Pippin, Puddin' and Icca-Chou. I love their joyful smiles here.

Friday morning the 3 girls set out for an adventure to a special youth conference 8 hours from here in Redding, California. That in itself was a stretch for me.....waving goodbye to two 19 year olds and a 17 year old as they set off on a road trip for 3 days in another state. They had an amazing time and are already anxious for more.
Pippin started her very own blog this last week so if you would like to visit her and hear about their trip please click here at Pippin's Mind.

~~~~~

I had a strange moment on Friday. I was walking through Walmart and checking off my list of needs and wants. Have you ever noticed that all Walmarts are set up basically the same? I learned that acutely that day. I was enjoying myself and browsing when I rounded a corner and all of a sudden I thought I was in Texas. (Walmart happened to be the place I did all my shopping while caring for Daddy because it was convenient in items and location.) There I was standing at the end of the soda isle holding my cart and I had this huge emotional wave of intense panic. My brain switched into "gotta hurry up and get back before Daddy wakes up and hurts himself. Think think think.....did I write down everything I need? Who cares. I have to get back."

It hit so strong. My heart rate and breathing picked up so fast that when I realized what I was doing, I really had to talk myself through staying calm and lot bolting out the door without my desired purchases.
It was all very strange. I have never lost track like that before.

*****

Another interesting thing for the week was that Hubby and I decided to take a road trip at the last minute. It is easier to travel when it is just the two of us so we loaded up an overnight bag, packed up the pups and headed 6 hours away to Spokane to surprise all of the kids. They were definitely surprised.

Little Miss Abbigial has grown so much. She is now 14 months old.

I packed ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies so that the 3 oldest grand kids and I could have fun doing a kitchen project. Brynn stayed by my side the whole time proclaiming dramatically how making cookies was such hard work as she sighed and wiped her hair out of her 5 year old face. The boys tired quickly of baking but were in sheer torture as I made them wait for cookies to cool before they could sample the finished product.

Later I tousled on the couch with Renner and tickled him until he flopped in my arms and sighed contentedly. Folded up in my arms he leaned back with chubby cheeks and sparkled eyes to say, "Grandma....you sure do like kids don'tcha?"


Here is a shot of the whole family. Kobe is on the left. He is a sweet boy that loves to sit with me and build things with Lego's and train sets as we discuss whatever important matter that pops into his head. Then there is Renner sitting in our son's lap. Abbigail is in our daughter-in-law's lap and Brynn is all the way on the right. You can't tell in this photo but Baby Isabel is there as well. She just won't be officially born until February 22nd.

Here is our eldest daughter.
We surprised her by walking in on her 31st birthday party.

The dogs traveled and weathered the weekend well.
I am very pleased that Conguito is calming down and becoming
very emotionally stable in transition to being here.
He slept in the car instead of pacing and whining.
He played with the kids and never had any accidents
out of behavior or otherwise.
Here he is taking a well deserved snooze after playing with the kids.

Kekoa enjoyed the trip too and adapted well to a house full of energetic children.
He learned quick that if he followed Abbigail around she would gladly
share her bottle with him.
Here he is in his favorite spot in the car...my lap.

Thank you for letting me ramble on.
Have a blessed and wonderful week!