November Happenings.....

I cannot believe that tomorrow is December 1st already! Wow time goes by so fast. It is all a blur but God is good and I am so grateful for His constant guidance and presence.

What has happened in the past few weeks?..........

Rixxi got a job. Yeah! We are happy for her. Her employer is working her continually too so we hope that it can turn into a full time position for her after the holidays.

Pippin is still job searching so I am trying to be an encouragement there for her. The rules are.....conservatively at least 10 job applications per week and up and dressed for the day with a plan of action by 9am every day. I am sure some would say that is way too easy but I think she is doing good.

Puddin' is adjusting to her sophomore year completely now and God has been working on her to feel a sense of purpose in school instead of wanting to hide from it all.

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The middle of November we had opportunity to volunteer at Father's Heart for their Thanksgiving Dinner. Can I even begin to explain the explosion of emotion that went through my heart that evening?

I think I am not alone in being honest about viewing homeless people with a mixture of emotions. When I see them on the street corners with signs in hand I want to at least smile an encouragement their way but then I worry that they would think I have something for them or that I am making fun of them in some way. So instead I stare at the light and will in to turn green and release me.

I know full well that each person has their own individual story and yet society stereo typing is the first thing that comes to my mind and that shames me.

And yet, fueled by my own ignorance I was shocked and so blessed to be around the 90 people that we cared for that night. Why in the world would I not expect them to have manners, to offer polite gratitude, and wait patiently for their turn? Why did it make me stop in my tracks to see so many with so little offer what they had to one another?......"This is the last milk but I think you should have it instead."......."Here you can have this seat and we will make room.".

The thing that most left a mark on my heart was towards the end of the evening when a young couple came in for help. She was 18 and disowned by her family. He was 25 and lost an eye while serving in Afghanistan. though he receives full disability, the money doesn't matter because is is plagued by panic and fear that makes him more non functional that a blind eye ever could.

We fed them, listened to them, and then prayed with them. Have you ever seen peace wash over someone? That night it became more than a phrase to me as I watched this man go from raw adrenaline panic to slow breathing calm simply by speaking God's truth over him. We spoke thankfulness for his service and destiny and purpose of his life. We spoke worth and value over his being and restoration healing over his body. They both hugged us and cried, grateful for receiving the love and compassion that had been so craved but absent anywhere else.

I think of them often now and wonder how they are doing.

I plan to volunteer for the Christmas dinner too so maybe I will see them again.

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I used to sew all the time. I had taken a basic class in high school and then fumbled around from there on learning from mistakes and going forward. I learned to create patterns from thin air and became the drama department seamstress for all of the low budget plays. That was fun!

Later, when my girls were little, I was constantly on my machine making clothes or baby blankets for all the new babies being born in my husband's unit. But then cost, time, and desire all welled up against me and I didn't feel like it anymore. Why take all that time and cost when I could get it cheaper and more quick at the local department store? Last year I even thought of posting my 17 year old machine for sale but then figured I should keep it around for hemming pants and mending holes.

That has all changed for me now and I have been completely bitten by the sewing bug.

It all started with a simple desire to make our new grand baby a towel. I have always had a disliking for those little store bought baby towels that are about as thin as paper. So usually when a baby is born I will sew a couple of regular towels and washcloths together to make something much more comfortable. As the babies grow into toddler-hood they still love their towels and are frequently seen streaking around the house after a baby with their "hooded cape" on and squealing in glee.

So I figured Abbigail needed just such an item and I made her this....

Then, since Rixxi just happened to be hired on at a craft store....I thought it couldn't harm anything to walk around the store for a bit. How I ended up in materials I don't know but I came home with an old tried and true pattern in mind and ended up making this for Abbigail too.....

Over the weekend, Hubby and I went back to the fabric store and came home with material to make each of our son's step-children a quillow (a personal throw quilt that has a pocket to fold the blanket in and become a decorative pillow) and also a baby blanket for my dear Angel-girl.

Shame on me for I even started looking at new machines!

See, as I was sewing, my 17 year old machine went out. I thought about servicing it but Hubby suggested that maybe I could buy a used one for the same price. It was a quick find but I should have done more research. The machine I bought used is missing the back stitch button. I figured I could get it replaced easy but it is proving to be a hard part to acquire. So for now I am using a friend's machine and I am so grateful.

Oh but golly I have my eye on a computer model at the sewing center down the road.


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I'd like to update you about my daddy.

I talked with him on Thursday and he was sounding a bit discouraged.
Though originally the pathology report from his kidney biopsy said the results were indeterminate on whether he has one form of cancer or two, the pathologist has since conferred with a few other doctors and decided that the mass on my dad's kidney is most likely the same cancer as what is in his esophagus.
Because of this, they are going to choose to be a bit more aggressive in treatment and remove his whole left kidney instead of just what is left of the 2 masses after therapy.

As for his treatment, the oncologists are telling him that he isn't going to be able to start treatment until the middle of December. That is frustrating him too since we have known about his cancer for well over a month now and he is getting pretty uncomfortable. The mass in his esophagus is too tight for him to swallow anything but thin liquids. He went in early last week and had a feeding tube put in his abdomen to help out with nourishment. And he plans to sit at the hospital today and wait for his doctor to have an opening in his schedule to try and dilate his esophagus a bit and relieve the pressure.

I have step-siblings and a cousin in the town where he lives, but he chose to stay home alone with the tv and 8 dogs (yes 8) on Thanksgiving. I know he was discouraged with not being able to eat and I know he was in pain and tired from the feeding tube placement but I don't want being alone to become routine for him.

I know he worries about me being gone from home for a long time and so he has asked that I not go to be with him until his surgery. He feels he can handle treatment on his own. That is so hard for me to accept. I want so badly to be there for as long as possible. My hubby says I should leave and go be with him in January regardless of what Daddy has asked for.

At this moment, I don't know when I am going........but I will definitely go.
At this moment, I am trusting.......trusting that God is with him and is orchestrating each moment.

~~~~~~

So that is my November.
I pray that yours has been well.
I thank you for your well wishes, prayers, smiles, and faithfulness even when I have been so out of touch. Knowing you are there blesses me.

Blessings to you!

The Next Generation.....

Way back when....

when Hubby and I were first dating, there were children already.

She was 9 years old and he was 5.

He was such a cute little blond boy with a never ending supply of energy and questions.

His excitement at daily living and pure innocence were always infectious for me.

His tender heart; even with the ups and downs of growing up,

it has never lost it's softness.

Now a little over 20 years later....he is the brand new daddy.

He is going to be really good at it too.

Welcome to the world Little Abbigail!

You are such a miracle blessing.

So many doctors said you would have problems but we knew the truth.

We knew that you were resting in God's protective hands the whole time.

Oh how I wish we didn't live 6 hours apart.

I am so looking forward to holding you and whispering God's precious truths in your ear

that you are a princess, a treasure and delight with a purpose and destiny

made special just for you and you alone.

The MP3 Player....

The past week here has been rain and shades of grey constantly. I was most acutely aware of it one morning while driving Puddin' to school. Though it was only 8:30 in the morning the grey canopy of sky was deep. It was the kind of dark that makes one want to hide under blankets and ignore the world. Despite the heaviness that those clouds warned of, the light of the sun seemed to burn right through and find victory in creating patches here and there of liquid gold.

As I was driving, I smiled. I smiled because the sky around me very much reflected what has been going on in my heart. In the midst of groceries, laundry, youth events, and social engagements....my dad is always on my mind. I feel that heavy burden of what if trying to creep in and grip me. And yet, I also feel that liquid gold coursing through the fibers of my being. God whispering the truths that I must pay attention to.

It is your job to pray........it is My job to perform My will.
It is your job to trust........it is My job to work all things together for My good.
Don't listen to the world child........listen to Me and rest in My abiding protection.

It is a good feeling.
Thank you God for your guidance and grace.


The doctors have found a second mass on my dad's left kidney. While they are 99% certain that it is of a different cellular structure than what is in his esophagus, they will be performing a biopsy on Friday to determine for certain and plan from there.

My plans are to go and be with him for a bit of time when he begins the chemo and radiation treatments. While I don't have travel dates just yet, I have been thinking here and there in my mind of what to pack, what to buy, and what to arrange.

God and I have been talking back and forth about what kinds of things I will be experiencing on the trip. While Dad is sounding positive, I know there will be times of needing encouragement. He will be having treatments 5 days a week and that is taxing to the hardiest of statures. My step-mom had died a couple of years ago from cancer and so I know in some way that must be looming over Dad and my step-siblings. Most importantly I feel that this will be a time of showing Dad more and more of God's grace, mercy and love.

With all of the preparations, I told God that I would really love to have my own source of reminders around me. How wonderful it would be to take my encouraging music and audios to help me keep my eyes on truth. The only problem was that I cannot afford to go buy an mp3 player.

As soon as I woke up Friday morning, God placed a thought in my head.
"You need to place and ad on Craig's List for an mp3 player."
Hmmm...that was interesting. I fiddle footed around a bit and then did what I was told. I placed an ad in the Wanted section stating the facts as basic as I could. This is me, this is what I need and why I need it. I held back nothing and expressed very definitely that I wanted it so that I could keep Godly encouragement flowing through my mind in the midst of taking care of my dad. Then I asked simply for favor in being thought of, that if someone had an extra player laying around and not in use could they consider my situation.

That same day I heard from a young man who had acquired a player from his friend and had logged online to see if it was worth selling. In the midst of looking at prices he found my ad and wanted to bless me. His one request was if there was a way I could possibly prove my story. I wrote back that it was a reasonable request but I wasn't sure how to prove anything. I don't have tickets yet.........
I decided to send him here to by blog and assured him that he was free to look around anywhere and learn my character.

Goodness if you could have seen me jump up and down when he wrote back that he was pleased and thrilled to be able to help me in this way. He apologized for the size and condition of the player he was offering. 'It is only a 4 gig and has a couple of scratches on it' he wrote. Again I jumped......that was the size I had hoped for.

It turns out we have some common ground. He works in the next town over in his church as a children's teacher. Amazing!
I drove over there this afternoon and met with him. He was so sweet as he explained to me how to use the device and what each of there features are for.
And it is beautiful! I mean, it truly isn't important what it looks like. But it is so sleek and stylish. I feel like it is just another God kiss, a perk.

God is so amazing. He could have made a player materialise in my hands. He could have had me win some sort of drawing. He could have done a million different things. But He chose to orchestrate things in a way that blessings could multiply.

I am blessed to have what I desired.
I get to share what God did over and over again.
That young man must surely feel blessed to be a part of helping someone in need.
I can only imagine that here and there my dad and I may come to his mind and he will pray.
I wonder about the joy he must share with his friends in telling why he stepped out of class to meet with me.
It is an amazing cascade affect.

Thank you God for caring even about the seemingly trivial things on my heart.

Thank you for delighting in making me smile.

My Baby Girl.....

Dear Daughter,

As I write this, you will be turning 16 years old in just a matter of days. Your dad and I are so excited for you. We know you have been looking forward to this milestone and we celebrate the joy of you.

And yet, we find ourselves wondering how the time could have gone by so quickly. It seems it was only yesterday that we cuddled you in our arms and danced in awe at the idea of being entrusted to the care and nurturing of you.

The “job” of being your parents was one that we readily embraced. We soon learned that it was so much more than what a regular type of title can hold. The “job” of parenting comes without a black and white rule book. The “job” requirements have nothing to do with previous experience and expertise. The rules are only that you love, nurture, and guide with a listening ear and generously share a heart brimming with love and acceptance.

Your gentle nature and precious spirit make this the best and most amazing “job” in the world. Seeing the world through your eyes causes us to challenge our own thinking and desires. The way you so freely embrace the things that God calls for you is inspiring and is an example that encourages us to dare to do the same.

As you step into this new year of being you, we wanted to give you a special symbol of just how greatly you are cherished and loved. It is a combination of beauty and representation. The gold and rose colored leaves remind us of how your dad and I are on either side of you, cherishing you, cheering you on, and always loving you in all ways. The two hearts together make us think of the relationship between you and Daddy God. They are intertwined because God is always with you and they shine of beauty because God’s light in you is always apparent. It is a promise ring. It symbolizes the promise that God has written destiny and purpose for you that belongs to no one else but you.

Sweet and wonderful Darling, you are an amazing creation, a princess to be celebrated and honored. In the days and years to come as you experience life’s changes and you shape more and more into God’s promise, know this; you are a blessing to us and so many countless others. People that you have touched in the past, present, and in the times yet to come are all blessed by you, your character, and your heart. The things that have yet to be revealed to your heart are going to be so amazing because they will fit the perfect creation that God made you to be.

We thank God for you every day.
We love you so very much.

Puddin' is 16 now. Wow I can't believe how quickly time goes by.

She asked to have an open house party this year. So with our house open from 4-10pm the kids all had fun eating, hiking, eating, costume competition, eating, twister marathon, movie watching and making a ton of memories. I think when it was all said and done there were 25 youth running in and out of the house. They are such a good bunch and they made it so special for her.

Everyone had great costumes and super creativity but I have to admit

that the comedy of this particular outfit still leaves me in stitches.

Here is a group shot of some of the gang.

Puddin' we love you so much!

October Days....

(Reader Warning: I let myself write and write until all the words left me. Grab some coffee and a snack before you settle in.)

It is a wonderfully rainy day today.
I love the rain and the beautiful grey skies of fall.
That must sound ridiculous to some, but it is the truth.

I love the smells and sights of autumn; the crackle of leaves, the smells of wood stoves warming, and the wind and rain dancing through the trees. I feel excitement at bringing out the sweaters from storage and throwing the mink blanket on the bed.

It has definitely been a month. Though the month is not up yet, I wanted to sit today and play some catchup with the thoughts rolling around in my head. The girls are all busy right now doing school or running errands for me so it is the perfect time for me to have the computer to myself.

Come take a stroll with me through October.

College Bound

Our church has just begun offering a college study program and I enrolled. Actually everyone in this house enrolled. We are so excited. It is a two year program that will take us on a journey of seeing more and more of what God calls us to be and do. We are plowing through the ideas of religion and how it relates to the Bible. In all actuality, it is shaped to look less like the typical bible college type of programs and more like a self growing and character building lifestyle change. Right now it is so hard for me to describe but let me just give a mind blowing example that I recently experienced here in hopes of relating what this program is like........


I have always read about the miracles in the Bible that Jesus did and thought general things about them. I mean, they were great and amazing. I have never walked on water, calmed a storm, or even raised someone from the dead. Jesus did them and it deserves the "Wow!" from the entire world.....but after all it was Jesus that did them. Of course they were miracles. It was Jesus, you know, the Son of God. Of course He could do them.
(I hope you can hear me in this. I don't mean anything bad in saying that.)

One of our study books is titled When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson. When I got into that book I realized that my understanding and thinking had been off in so many ways.
Here is what I am wrapping my brain around now......

• When Jesus came to walk the earth and became man, He gave up His power and became completely human. Okay I have heard that for some 20 years now.



• If Jesus gave up His power and became just like me then how did He do all of those miracles? Jesus did those amazing things because of His faith and belief in His Heavenly Father.

So when Jesus said "and greater than these you can do too......and with the faith of a mustard seed......." And when I know that He wrestled with all things human just like me......well this just puts it all into such a mind shift for me.

• That means that Jesus had to cast away fear, summon up his courage, and dare to believe that God declares good for His children, hears our prayers, and will act on our behalf.



• That means that it is so much more attainable for me to believe that little ole' me can make a difference, that my prayers are spiritual weapons when coupled with belief and faith.

20 Years and Counting

October 14th was our 20 year anniversary.



It feels nothing like what I envisioned it would feel like to get to this point.
Why do I say that? Of course we have had our ups and downs like everyone else but we are happy. I think that when we look ahead and imagine a place we haven't stepped into yet, we simply don't picture the other things around it. I guess that is why I had a surreal moment when looking at the calendar.

The reality is that life happens every day and we are living in the middle of it and loving each step.


Our night on the town.......
Years ago, we had been blessed with a sizable gift certificate for a fancy steak house here in town. I had placed them in a safe place and .....yeah....couldn't find them until now. That is okay. It was the perfect way to celebrate. This restaurant is actually one of the top 10 in the nation and has so many awards that I gave up counting them.

The atmosphere was heavenly. the fireplace crackled as it's warm fingered images danced on wine glasses. It was quite a cozy setting. All of the staff wore tux attire and when we were seated, the waiter unfolded our linens and placed them in our laps for us. I know a statement like that must greatly show how much I don't hob-nob but I have only seen a gesture like that in the movies.

We both ordered Cesar salads which came out in a decorative presentation.........

Hubby ordered a steak....his favorite. I ordered the Herb Crusted Chicken with a baked potato.

It was all so amazingly tasty.

For dessert, I had the peach and blueberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream and Hubby had a chocolate silk pie. Both were heavenly and we gorged ourselves with all the goodness.

Angel's Wings

Angel-girl and my sister-in-law came to visit me a few days ago. It was such a treat!

That little niece of mine is now already 2 1/2 months old. she is holding her head up and trying so hard to coo. Her smiles make me warm all over and I simply cannot bear to put her down when she is in my arms.

The Corn Maze Craze

Amongst all of the fall festivities, one that brings me tons of smiles is to take our youth group on our annual maze craze. There is a huge farm here in town that makes a challenging maze. They change it every year with new themes, twists, and surprises. Here is this year's maze......

The corn stands higher than the tallest man and is the perfect place to have races and man hunts. Our group went through once to get a feel for the huge maze and then they came over to the table I had set up for snacks and cocoa.

Already covered in mud from a week of rain, they began to plan strategies on how to best one another as the sun went down. If you asked them, they would be quick to tell you that the best way to enjoy a maze is to try and find your way through it after dark.

They played well into the evening and were so filled with mud (and fun memories) that they weren't allowed in our vehicles until they covered themselves in plastic bags.

What I Believe

A few night's ago, I received a call from my daddy. He asked how we were doing and I began a run down on all of our happenings. Shortly into the conversation though, I could tell that was not his purpose for calling and I asked him what was wrong.

He spun a story of not feeling right the past few months and various doctor visits that ended with a diagnosis....esophageal cancer. I asked my questions, put my best foot forward in saying positive things and getting information on what steps will happen over the next few months, and we said we would be talking soon. Then I crumpled after hanging up the phone.

Half of me wanted to stand firm and yell in the devil's face and shake my fist at him to let him know he would not play here. I actually envisioned myself standing over my dad, straddling my territory and declaring war. But then the other half of me was a little girl curled up under the table and holding an imaginary pillow. I fought back the panic of knowing we have only just begun to build our relationship and there is so much more for us to enjoy with each other.

Then I would scold myself for thinking dark thoughts and stand to fight again.

The seesaw went back and forth as I called my mom, my brother, and then our prayer circle.

My brother and I numbly shared our thoughts with one another about the mortality of our parents. It is such a hard concept that the most well intentioned shoulders of comfort can only imagine until actually wearing those very shoes. I know. I've been there. As with just about every one else on the planet, I have had friends and family who have had some sort of experience with death and with cancer, and good grief how we have been taught to shrink back at that very word....the dreaded C word.

Friends who have battled and won over cancer talk about our society's quirks with cancer. You can mention any other sickness in the world and people are fine but if you say you have cancer.....they shrink back as if you are already dead and they might contract it if they accidentally touch you. I know one girl that tells people her cancer scar was a shark bite simply because she feels bad for people in the torture they put themselves through.

It is a disease that can be fought and won just like anything else. And millions of people are victorious over that battle. And yet there I sat already thinking of my dad with one foot in the grave.

I told myself that I had seen miracles, been part of miracles, and experienced miracles. As I had been learning in my class studies, I thought about God's goodness and about my right to pray, to declare victory. But then the thought would creep in....what if I haven't learned enough? What if I don't pray right? If he dies then I failed.

Oh how our thoughts can lie to us.

It has taken me a few days to get my head on straight, but here is what I now know........

• I am a fixer.


• I can't fix this.


• It is my right to pray.


• It is my duty to pray.


• It is God's job to heal.

I keep thinking about something I experienced years ago when my youngest step son was in the hospital. He had been born with many physical challenges and had the first of many surgeries when he was only 4 days old. Not expected to live to the age of 2 years....there we sat nearing his 15th birthday and it seemed his body was finally giving up the fight. We had all been through years of ups and downs, battles with the ex-wife, the drama of this little boy's body being strong and then back tracking 5 steps.

Our pastor was with us and I dared to ask.....When is it okay to not contend? How can we even know what to pray anymore? Is it fair to pray healing? What is God's will?
For years since then PJ's answer has encouraged me through so many different types of situations.

He sighed that painful sigh that I thought was reminiscent of the hard burdens of counsel and pastor must bear. Then he said, "I know it is hard and we can't even pretend to know God's will. But here is what we do know. Since God is in control of all things and since for the moment God is choosing for this boy to breathe....then that is our signal that we are to contend. If things change and he passes on then that is our signal to change our prayers to that of thanksgiving. But as long as God shows opportunity of hope then we contend and press forward no matter what."

So here I am standing and pressing forward. I have a renewed hope. I am assured that my Heavenly Father sees and knows and hears and has a plan for victory.

Blessings to you and your day.